I will smile sweetly but inside I am fuming

[Kassy69]

DD started a new school which a few off her friends already attend. Day 1 a parent of one of the well known friends has wrote a note to the teacher basically saying that her child had come home and said that my child said she is not allowed to play with anyone but her!!! No one else heard my child say this and I asked her if she said what she is accused of and she said no, if anything my child is quite shy, and they went to nursery and pre school together, so I can't image her saying this at all. I know the parent really well but they said nothing to me and just went straight to the teacher. I though it would be polite and common curtesy to mention this to me first but nothing was said in the playground this morning and I had a lengthy conversation with her and nothing this afternooon on pick up. I am really fuming right now as I think she has been quite rude and disrespectful to me as we have been good friends for 2 years now and has basically said my child has bullied her child to the teacher! I have no clue what to say to her tomorrow on drop off, I await the positive and negative comments!

You don't need to say anything

She did the correct thing in speaking to the school about her child - how did you find out about it?

The teacher pulled me aside today and spoke to me. I know it's the correct thing to do, but she was my daughters childminder for 2 years! I thought a bit of common curtesy would be appropriate!

She was quite right to bypass you and go straight to the teacher. Her child claims your child did something and your child denies it. You and your friend can't possibly be objective about this as you are bound to believe your own kids. A teacher can. It's hardly a terrible accusation, it's the kind of thing kids who are still learning about friendship do sometimes. Don't say anything to your friend, just let the school sort it.

She was right to do this.

The fact that she was child minder is neither here nor there.

From bitter experience, I would say school issues need to be kept at school, and dealt with by the school. If your daughter did say something objectionable, whilst she was at school, it is the school's job to deal with it, or to speak to both the children involved and find out what did happen.
Is it possible that there's been a misunderstanding?

i have put my comments in the school diary and I am going to leave it at that, my DD did say she got upset because this girl said she didn't want to play with her And wouldn't talk to her.

Like I said, I will smile sweetly

Why wouldn't you smile sweetly? Your friend has done nothing wrong. Her child reported a potential friendship issue and she addressed it with the school.

Children don't always tell the truth. (Even nice shy children)

Someone isn't telling the truth here.

If your DD is being truthful then that's easy to demonstrate because she won't ever complain about the other girl playing with someone else.

It seems an odd thing for the other child to lie about so you may want to keep an eye out for other problems.

Oh and the other Mother was quite correct, if there's a problem between the girls the teacher needs to know to keep an eye out.

It sounds like it's been very poorly handled by the teacher to be honest. Children do say horrible things that's life. I don't think she was wrong to bring it to the schools attention rather that yours but if it was just one thing that was said she sounds like she's over reacting by going to the school. It sounds like the teacher has made it sound worse that it was intended. I have an 11 year old and haven't been in this situation myself but have many a time witnessed teachers putting their size tens in and making things worse. Some teachers are a bit thick and lack common sense. Obviously (pre empting flaming from teachers on here )I don't mean all teachers. Try not to dwell on it. Her child will inevitably say something horrible to another child. That's kids for you.