Moving house, tell the ex?

[namechangenow]

As a non resident parent, have ds 14 alternate weekends. No contact with the rp (my initiation due to years of harassment / threats / attempted child alienation etc etc) unless an emergency. Ex and I will contact each other in the event of an emergency. But now all other minimal contact goes via 3rd party or ds.

Going back. When spilt with ex she wanted my address before ds stayed overnight. Fair enough. I needed to be able to see my ds so agreed. 4 years later, contact with ds is stable and not changeable.

I am potentially moving house soon. I am relived ex will not know where I live if I move. Do I still need to provide address in order to have my ds stay with me?

Ds has working mobile phone and is more then capable of calling for help if needed, my dp and my ex also have each other's numbers for emergency situations and dp could contact in the event of an emergency if I was unable to. I don't let ex know where we going for the day/weekend normally anyway and would be reliant on me if dp/ds calling (even tho I can't think of what type of emergency that would occur that we would need her to pick up kids and not me or dp to take ds home esp as he is more than capable of getting public transport) so surely puts ex's (likely) argument out the window that ex needs to know where to pick the kids up from in case of any emergency. Since we have split there hasn't been a single circumstance in which ex has needed to actually come to my house and she knows she can't come to my house.

Does the rp need to have my address or not? It is quite likely that ex will not allow ds to come to my house unless I give the new address.

To not drip feed as I'm sure this will be asked, I don't want contact with ex as has a (diagnosed) pd and hates me (since me ending the relationship), and it is better for me and my ds to remove all possibly of arguments that ds (and me and my partner) may be exposed to. I am not being derogatory about mental health issues, but just stating facts.

We had same situation with my husbands ex wife. When we moved in 2013 she was a real pain in the butt and created all sorts of drama cos she didn't have our address even though we do all pick ups etc and her daughter had a phone and was 10 at the time. We gave her it in the end as she involved my husbands family and just made it impossible.
Fast forward 4 years and we move again but she now has a partner-she hasn't even asked for our new address not bothered at all so what does that say

I wonder what sort of situation you leave your son in when you ask him to keep secrets for you?

I would let her know that you are planning on moving and tell her the suburb. If she asks the address let her know. I get that this stresses you out. But you are a big adult and your kid is not. So she knows your address, it doesn't sound likes she needs to, so it's unlikely to cause any problems. But why put your son in a difficult situation if you can avoid it?

I realize I don't know any of the history, nor the emotion of the relationship to date.

Good luck.

I'd personally not give any ex with a diagnosed PD my address if possible. The very nature of unpredictability means that anytime your new haven could be disrupted. Your DS is old enough to be making choices himself and I do think will understand the reasons behind your choice. I don't think there any laws in uk which require you to give your ex your address. I guess she could threaten no contact but that's rather ridiculous given your son's age

So, you're happy to leave your ds living with someone who ypu are describing as basically unstable but you're not happy to give her your address even though your ds is staying there eow? Right......

I dont know my exhs address, i know he lives in Manchester (200 miles away) and he has our boys who are 8/3 and 2 eow. I know my boys are safe and he would give me his address if asked or if there was an emergency but i dont actually need it or want it.

@twohandstwokids I have no plans to tell my son that he cannot tell him mother my address, I am just not volunteering that info. My son could easily pick up a letter or look at the street sign and find out the address if he wanted to, he is not stupid. If his mum asked him to find out he would most likely tell her he didn't want to get involved.

@notarehearsal she has a new BF now and seems less interested in my life at the moment, so I just don't know, but she can (and will)easily refuse contact if I don't give her address. I don't want to go to court as will cause even further stress for my son.

@UsedToBeAPaxmanFan no I am not happy, my son did live with me for a bit last year when he found me it difficult to live with his mother, but opted to return home after several months as was closer for school and friends/gf etc, travel each day was a major problem and at his age he wouldn't accept moving schools. And yes I could tell him he has to live with me, but he would have to change schools and would be devastated. So how is this really helping him. His mums parenting is 'good enough' and she would not lose custody of him based on her mental health.