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Original poster

Friend smells..wwyd??

30 replies

Jamylollypop88 · 21/08/2017 15:37

i have to get advice on how to tell my friend please.i don't want to be mean or sounds mean or upset her how but how on earth do you talk to someone about their personal hygiene? This has always been a issue on my part il admit because I'm the one with the issue but I have to talk her. She's never been much of a bather will happily go days with out washing and yes openly admits this. I'm not the only one who has noticed.
Right .. few weeks ago we went for a few drinks together after a few i popped to the loo and she followed me in and popped in cubicle next to me, she called me into the cubicle to zip her dress back up and omg I nearly vomited!
This sounds so mean but I had to hold my breath! 100percent no word of a lie! The smell of what can only be described as fish (old fish)was horrendous I can't even explain!
I got out side the bar and I vomited every where with the smell still in my nose :( I don't have any sensitivity to bad smells but it was unlike anything I have ever smelt. I need to tell her :( what the hell do I say?? WWUD?

OP posts:

Tentomidnight · 21/08/2017 15:42

I used to have a colleague like this. She was alcoholic and I suspect diabetic (bad feet). Could anything like this be a contributing factor for your friend?

Original poster

Jamylollypop88 · 21/08/2017 15:43

Nope beautiful health young girl :(
This is what I mean. Feel helpless like I can't get through to her.

OP posts:

Mrscropley · 21/08/2017 15:49

Maybe you are allergic to the new shower gel /deo set you have just bought and would she like it?
Or record adverts for vagisil /dove /etc and play where she is at your house!

Original poster

Jamylollypop88 · 21/08/2017 16:00

Sorry but that's to spiteful and would hurt her feelings looking for mature decent ways to help not put her down. The unwanted gift set is a good idea but she does have plenty

OP posts:

marmaladeforme · 21/08/2017 16:07

I had to do this once. Beautiful friend of mine, stank.
I told her gently that her deodorant wasn't working and perhaps she needed a new one. I said I'd smelt her on occasion and would hate her to not realise.
She was actually very thankful.
I think you just need to tell her.

Original poster

Jamylollypop88 · 21/08/2017 16:09

I have tried in the past to tell her gently but to no avail

OP posts:

RatherBeRiding · 21/08/2017 16:17

What happened when you tried to tell her before? What was her response?

I think you either broach it or put up with it although you need to accept that the friendship might not survive either option. It's obviously pretty bad if you vomit after close contact with her!

Take a deep breath, and say something like "Look this is really really difficult for me to say but your deodorant doesn't seem to working all that well, and it's becoming noticeable. I don't want to be the one to say anything but other people are saying the same thing and I think it's better to be upfront about it."

Would that work do you think?

MetallicBeige · 21/08/2017 16:17

Could she have bacterial vaginosis? It does cause a fishy odour. How you'd broach that with her? I don't know.
Honest, gently with kindness.

Original poster

Jamylollypop88 · 21/08/2017 16:20

Exactly that's the problem! Ild be horrified if someone told me this but again il be so greatful too as I could then address the problem. In the past I have just said subtle things like " no time for a shower after work lol" along them lines she doesn't seem to get it ?

OP posts:

GrabbyMcGrabby · 21/08/2017 16:23

Why didn't you tell her at the time you vomited that it was because she smelt so bad?

Also what is her dress like that she needed to unzip it to go to the toilet? Most women hitch then up.

DianaMitford · 21/08/2017 16:46

Google fish odour syndrome. I'm sure there's an illness causing the smell.

DianaMitford · 21/08/2017 16:46

As in, generally, not specific to her!

Original poster

Jamylollypop88 · 21/08/2017 17:06

Zip at back like a play suit outfit she couldn't squeeze her bum out of lol

OP posts:

user1485639128 · 21/08/2017 17:12

I have actually had to speak to an employee today about this issue after numerous complaints about her personal hygiene.

I just had to tell her straight. Offered to buy her essentials if money was an issue. She genuinely had no idea but was very grateful I had just told her straight.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 21/08/2017 17:17

Has she always smelled bad? What did you say when you vomitted?

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 21/08/2017 17:25

Please do tell her.
Be kind but be ..well not blunt but factual - I feel that's the best way to go. Don't dance around too much. Causes embarrassment all round I think.

Tell her you don't want to upset her but if it was you, you'd hope she'd do the same. Firstly I'd check it she knows or not - I had a friend with whatever it is that makes you smell of fish - and she did know and asked us to tell her if it became noticeable so she could deal with it properly. So she may know but not know the extent.

And tell her that on occasion it can really be quite bad. In a kind way but as in "it's worth considering if there is a medical issue here because it's more so than normal BO. "

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 21/08/2017 17:28

If the jokey approach hasn't worked you need to sit her down and tell her outright. She has admitted she goes long periods without washing so you can be assured that this isn't a medical condition. Even if she doesn't thank you and take sit badly she will thank you in the long run.

meltingmarshmallows · 21/08/2017 17:31

If she does have a condition which means she can't help it (remember seeing something like that on embarrassing bodies) she may feel really mortified when you bring it up.

It's such a hard one, I'm not sure how I would handle it.

Absolutely grim but when I was a teenager I girl I knew stank. This went on for a while and people mentioned it to her. She went to the GP and it turned out she had left a tampon in for weeks ... So dangerous and I have no idea how she could have not known.

EssentialHummus · 21/08/2017 17:39

I told her gently that her deodorant wasn't working and perhaps she needed a new one. I said I'd smelt her on occasion and would hate her to not realise.

I agree with this approach. It's really tough OP, she's lucky to have you as I think a lot of people would just run a mile.

Original poster

Jamylollypop88 · 21/08/2017 18:28

Right I'm going to bite the bullet and tell her next time we see each other

OP posts:

Mrstumbletap · 21/08/2017 20:05

Where do you think the smell is coming from? As the worst time you smelt it was in the toilet cubicle so it might be a bacterial vaginosis type thing. And definitely linked to down there, or it could have been the smell of her urine as she had just had a wee?

If you were just sitting next to her in a cafe would it still smell fishy or more like B.O?

Original poster

Jamylollypop88 · 21/08/2017 20:10

Like a old dusty fishy odor

OP posts:

Mrstumbletap · 21/08/2017 23:09

So it doesn't sound like a B.O/armpit problem it's a downstairs problem. Tricky to bring up something so intimate.

I wonder if any doctors are reading this and could comment on what it could be. It can't just be not washing for a couple of days surely.

DianaMitford · 22/08/2017 09:53

Can't work out how to get the link here so this is a photo of the webpage.

Whataboutmeee · 22/08/2017 09:59

It's simple. The op says her friend openly admits she goes 'days' without washing. That is probably more than two days so yes she is going to stink if she doesn't wash!

In my experience, if someone doesn't think personal hygiene is important, telling them doesn't have an effect. I know someone (teacher) who was told over and over by her pupils that she smelt - her whole classroom stank - and it didn't make any difference whatsoever. She completely ignored their comments and carried on teaching while they literally held their jumpers over their noses.

I had another colleague who was told about his body odour and he said he showered every day but didn't believe in deodorant so basically everyone had to put up with it.

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