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Original poster

Not going to a christening...

18 replies

Timeforabiscuit · 12/08/2017 19:34

By nature im a people pleaser to almost doormat proportions, this is much to dh's frustration as im usually the one chivvying us to events with extended family.

However, this christening I just do not want to go to and the strength of feeling has taken me (and dh) by suprise - so i need you lovely lot as a sounding board Grin

Points against going
I dont want to go.
Last christening i attended (same member of the family) was pretty joyless and we were pretty much ignored the whole time we were there.
When my mum died 6 months ago, didnt hear a peep from them (this one fucking hurts)
Do not get on with the mum of child being christened, usually not a problem and we're perfectly polite, but given the point above I don't feel like i can be bothered.
Dh birthday, our childrens birthdays and christmas passed by with not a message from them, this has been for some years so ive left it to dh now to sort out if he wants.

Points for going
Its only 3 hours out of my life
Dh can go and attend if he wants to, so wont cause a family rift, but hed like me to be there.
Mil really wants us to go, and i love her
Havent seen the baby, though i doubt ill be allowed near them or give a cuddle as we have a dog (wish i was joking).

This dilema would never come to pass normally, id always make an effort - but this time ive got so much life stuff on that i really resent spending time doing something i dont want to!

So should i go or sack it off?

OP posts:
Original poster
Timeforabiscuit · 12/08/2017 20:02

Hopeful bump, otherwise my misplaced catholic guilt is going to win out..

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 12/08/2017 20:03

Sack it off.

"I don't want to" is enough.

PurpleDaisies · 12/08/2017 20:04

I'd just go, rationalising it that three hours is much less hassle than a huge fallout afterwards.

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Philosophy & religion
JumpingJellybeanz · 12/08/2017 20:04

Don't bother. It sounds like they won't care anyway.

Herculesfan · 12/08/2017 20:05

If you don't want to go, don't go. Sure it's just 3hrs of your life but why would you put yourself in a position where you'll be miserable for 3 hours?

CakeAndChocolate · 12/08/2017 20:06

Definitely don't go!

ZippyCameBack · 12/08/2017 20:09

I've had a very similar situation. The mother was very rude about the gift I gave the baby when he was born and I was already not very keen on her. Plus the mother is atheist but wanted a big party and loads of presents so insisted on having a big "do".
I sent MrZippy and he gave the baby a very nice Bible (parents wanted cash). I had some sort of vague health problem apparently, which meant I couldn't attend. She calved again recently so I expect my totally fictional health problem may be recurring soon...

user1499786242 · 12/08/2017 20:09

Don't go
Say you were ill with sickness and the shits
No one would want a precious baby to catch that and if they are funny about your dog contamination then I'm sure they would 'understand'
They sound horrible, the fact they haven't been supportive in recent years is enough reason to bin them off in my opinion

TheUpsideDown · 12/08/2017 20:12

When my mum died 6 months ago, didnt hear a peep from them (this one fucking hurts)

For this point alone, I wouldn't go. If they can't even bother to send a sympathy card, a bunch of flowers or even a text to send their condolences at a time when family support is really needed, I'd be feeling hurt too.

Original poster
Timeforabiscuit · 12/08/2017 20:15

I reckon ive got enough good behaviour in the bank to off set any potential fallout, this is NOT my typical go to position at all!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Timeforabiscuit · 12/08/2017 20:22

Im still feeling pretty mixed up about my mums death, and i dont know if im putting an unfair emphasis on it -it wasnt as if i was expecing one, or if it would have made a material difference. If it was any other relative i wouldnt have batted an eye.

OP posts:
OnlyHereForTheFeminists · 12/08/2017 20:23

If they never go to your family's birthday parties and didn't go to your mum's funeral, will they even notice that you're not there? Doesn't sound like you're that close so I'd say it doesn't really matter.

Original poster
Timeforabiscuit · 12/08/2017 20:23

*one - meaning a card, text or message.

OP posts:
TheScottishPlay · 12/08/2017 20:23

Don't go. Spend the money and time on something you and yours would benefit from.

Original poster
Timeforabiscuit · 12/08/2017 20:26

zippy yes! We got a noahs ark set last time (nice and appropriate we thought, it even had an off switch for the noises!), mysteriously never seen or heard of again!

OP posts:
Original poster
Timeforabiscuit · 12/08/2017 20:29

onlyhere i think mil is trying to resolutely pull two parts of the family together who would be fine going their seperate ways and occassionally meeting up for either the darts or a champions league final.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 12/08/2017 20:32

Not a chance I'd go to that! They sound like wankers.

drinkingtea · 12/08/2017 20:34

Don't go. You can't be that close if they don't acknowledge your kids' birthdays, so it seems one sided to care whether you go to their christening.

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