Just seen something very private

[SenoritaViva]

Hi

I need to do some very important financial things today on a computer so last night asked DH to leave his laptop at home today, my 19 year old niece who lives with us said 'you can use mine'. Fast forward this AM and I couldn't see DH's computer so fetched my neice's. I've used it before, usually password protected and she has a family log on for us. Today it wasn't and up popped a Skype conversation.
I saw she'd been Skyping a friend /sexting. Poor skills on a Mac meant I couldn't shut conversation fast enough and a few words sprang out at me despite trying hard not to take it in (I suspect seeing the word drew my eyes in for a few seconds - natural I think).

She's going to know I used her computer - do I say anything or just pretend I saw nothing. I feel I have violated her privacy and would never normally pry.

On another note though DH and I are her legal guardians - should we be discussing online safety with her? She's an adult so part of me thinks just leave it but another wants to make sure she's being safe.

I am not experienced with teenagers, my children are less than 10. Do I speak to DH about it? I feel guilty for seeing it but was a genuine innocent mistake (never would've used computer if she hadn't offered it).

Op others are right that she is an adult however I think your concerns are justified. Being aware of Online safety goes for people of all ages.

Unless you're scared for her safety or health is just pretend you didn't see anything

Make up a plausible story about a "friend's teen she doesn't know" who sexted and did whatever your ward has done on Skype, then explain very carefully so the message sinks in that the fallout from that situation was the boy who asked her to do it has now shared all her images with school, workplace, his mates and all their mates, it's been on youtube and the girl is in a terrible state because she never thought it would happen to her.
Explain about co-ercion, how she could be being used by a group of lads 'avin a larf' (aka bullying) trying to get the lad she's involved with to persuade her so send more and more explicit stuff.

Sit with her and watch the cup of tea video together.

@blankface - is the 'cup of tea video' an online support video?

I am not sure she is being coerced - as soon as I realised what I was reading I tried to get rid of the conversation, although I checked the username and it is someone she knows in real life. From what I saw they are obviously videoing each other and sexting, neither of which are wrong if it's mutual and they're both happy to do so.

It is worlds apart from the niece I know but that's fine - if it's mutual I'm delighted she has the confidence to do it!

OP, this is the consent/cup of tea video.

I assume the posters shouting 'she's an adult!' are quite young themselves. Once you're the parent of an older teen you take a much more nuanced view.

OP, it can be very easy to be fooled, scammed or drawn into things online you wouldn't accept or believe in RL. Recent threads on here have shown how inadvisably trusting adults can be. Have a frank chat with her, it would be doing her a disservice not to.

I assume the posters shouting 'she's an adult!' are quite young themselves. Once you're the parent of an older teen you take a much more nuanced view

I can assure you those of us with older teens (and beyond) also realise that a 19 year old is an adult, and is entitled to privacy.

abigcup the OP has said "she is an adult but young and this is likely to all be new to her"

If you are indeed the parent of young adults you will no doubt be aware that they are not all the same - the less streetwise and more naive need a bit more guidance.

And none of that takes away from the fact that they are adults and entitled to privacy, and might not be interested in your guidance.

I totally agree about privacy and never would have violated it on purpose but the reality is I did, unintentionally. I also never would have used her computer without her express permission (which I had). She is normally very secretive about her on line activity which I have never questioned.

That said, I believe we have a moral obligation to be there for her and offer guidance/support (if needed).