Dear Sainsbury's,
The following was sadly brought to my attention today after a recent trip to your store in Mansfield. I am currently 31weeks pregnant with my first child and naively I was lead to believe it would be a glorious time filled momentous milestones and I'd be glowing for the world to see. Sadly as most women quickly find out it isn't all walks in the meadow and actually pregnancy is highly undignified at many stages throughout your baby cooking process. So let's focus on the point in hand here and I'll get straight to it......
At 30 weeks pregnant imagine my horror as I discover what I later found out to be an thrombosed external haemorrhoid. Never in my life have I experienced something so painful. It's not like finding a position to sleep is bad enough whilst pregnant but stick a bunch of grapes delightfully protruding from your anus and see how easy it is to sleep then. Not to mention the tears, oh god the tears. My body is a well of raging hormones as it is but I can honestly say I have not sobbed like a baby this much since the Spice Girls called it a day.
So after a week of self medicating with Prep H to my absolute dismay nothing seems to be working or indeed shrinking these unsightly growths. So after a brief discussion with my mother (thank the lord for the woman who birthed me and to whom I can tell any undignified story to) she suggested I try Anusol to see if this indeed helps my current discomfort. So off I trot to my local Sainsbury's to purchase said miracle cream in the mystified hope that I will at last be able to walk, sit or sleep without wincing in pain. Upon arrival in your medicine aisle I began discreetly look for this "Anusol" which in itself has a very unfortunate name.
Well imagine my dismay as my eyes finally laid their gaze on said miracle cream in question. Now having worked in retail briefly in the past I am aware that most stores follow strict guidelines in terms of shelving layout. This is made up of years of marketing and branding knowledge to indeed make the most appealing looking shelf for your customers. I understand this concept and until now have had now complaint regarding this universal procedure. However I would like to take this opportunity to remind you of a little fact curtsey of www.bounty.com.
"Piles affect around 1 in 10 women during pregnancy" and "It becomes more likely in the third trimester"
Now I am sure you are aware the fine art of picking things up from the floor in your third trimester in itself becomes tricky. Now let's add these highly grotesque and nausea inducing haemorrhoid's into the equation and I'm sure you are starting to see my predicament (photo supplied). Who in their right mind would suggest that ointments to relieve the pain and discomfort of piles be placed on the bottom shelf (excuse the pun). Now either your marketing team have a really sick sense of humour or they have never yet experienced the sheer agony of what I'm currently going through. Now I appreciate "Anusol" is not a name that you want thrusting in your face whilst searching for your simple Bazuka wart remedy or athletes foot spray however spare a thought for those of us out there in agony and at our wits end.
So anyway I digress. This left me with three options to choose from: 1) Ask my wonderful husband to make his way to our local chemist to purchase said cream on his way home from work tomorrow it's Sunday so all shops will be closed when he finishes work today. 2) Do I ask for an assistance help however at the time the only person I could see that worked with you was a very VERY young looking lad who I doubt very much would have appreciated reaching for the anusol for me. Or 3) Do my best to squat down and retrieve said medication for myself leaving myself in agony and most likely to result in my sobbing like a baby for a good half an hour afterwards in the car park. Well needless to say I didn't feel like I could embarrass two men in one day nor could I wait any longer to try another potential release from this hell i'm living in on a daily basis right now. So I proceeded to do my best squat possible and managed to just about hold it together until I made my way back to my car where I did indeed break down into a snot inducing mess thankfully discreetly enough to save further embarrassment from surrounding Sunday shoppers.
Now I jest a lot I feel in this email mainly to try and sensor my embarrassment but the point remains... "Pile medication should not be placed on the bottom shelf". I can't be the only customer to have had to deal with this indignity at some stage and I can only hope that my email goes some way in changing store layout for the sake of arses across our beautiful nation.
Sincerely yours