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Original poster

My colleague doesn't like me

8 replies

Imissmyboy · 15/07/2017 07:29

We have worked together for 15 years, only two women in the company and we share an office. Used to be ok together but recently she has changed, become very moody and bad tempered. We now talk about nothing but work. If I ask about her weekend, or her kids and get brief answers and to keep a conversation going feels like playing 'twenty questions'.
What makes it worse though is that she talks freely to other colleagues, so I find things out via them, which makes me feel really sad.
She is very close to one of the bosses - texting at weekends etc ( nothing going on!,,) and is the step daughter of the other, so there is no one I can go to, and she is the HR department!
We moved into a new office two years ago and in that time I have seen 3 nasty emails about me to my boss as she has left them on her computer screen. How many others have there been that I haven't seen..
It is now at the point where I hate going into work. It is a good job, great pay, reasonable hours and commute, but I want to leave. I have been looking for other jobs but would have to take a big pay cut.
Any suggestions on how to solve this problem? Btw I am a very quiet person, and hate confrontation!

OP posts:

bigchris · 15/07/2017 07:31

I was actually thinking about the possibility of her being menopausal

One of my colleagues literally changed overnight when she was going through it

bigchris · 15/07/2017 07:32

Could you have a word with one of the other bosses?

Gizlotsmum · 15/07/2017 07:35

How interlinked are your roles? Can you just be civil and leave her to it? Are there other people for you to talk too?

Original poster

Imissmyboy · 15/07/2017 11:02

She is 40 so menopausal is a possibility. We basically do the same job so no chance of moving office. She is the more dominant personality so decides when the heating is on, switches the radio on when she wants, etc.
I am very busy and my job is very much computer based, so I don't get chance to talk to other people very much.
She is constantly on her phone, on What's Ap or texting, and also does a lot of emailing. I am now paranoid that a lot of it is about me, because of what I have already seen.
I could just get on with my job, and leave her to it, but I then think she is calling me behind my back, telling everyone that I am being miserable. (One of the emails I saw was complaining that I wasn't talking to her. - nothing mentioned about the fact that she'd come in with a face like thunder and I'd been too scared to try and start a conversation) , obviously the people she is texting/ emailing are only getting her version. Other colleagues have noticed that she s sometimes in a bad mood, and commented on it to me, but they keep out of her way. It makes me unhappy to have to work in this atmosphere, but if she doesn't want to talk to me what can I do? It takes two people to have a conversation.

OP posts:

Dukesofhazzard · 15/07/2017 16:02

I know it's hard to confront people and it took me years to build up the confidence to stand up for myself but could you ask her outright if she has a problem with you? Tell her you feel as if she's annoyed with you and could you clear the air?

Gotanewusernamenow · 15/07/2017 16:08

Yes you could ask her and say " have I done something to upset you" if she says " no of course not why?". Then you can say " it's just that you seem to be a bit off with me lately and your not normally like that "

toosexyforyahshirt · 15/07/2017 16:16

We now talk about nothing but work. If I ask about her weekend, or her kids and get brief answers and to keep a conversation going feels like playing 'twenty questions'

Thing is though, she doesn't have to chat with you if she doesn't want to. Neither does she have to like you. If she talks about work and is civil and professional, she isn't doing anything wrong.

If you used to get on fine and you still gets on fine with everyone else except you, have you considered properly that the problem is with you? Have you upset or insulted her?

Original poster

Imissmyboy · 15/07/2017 17:31

I honestly can't think of anything I've said or done to upset her. I don't want to be her best friend, we have nothing in common really, I just want the normal type of conversation that I have with every other person who works there...you know the sort..."did you have a good weekend" " yes thanks we did xyz, what about you? "Rather than "did you have a good weekend." , "Yes."

OP posts:

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