Sorry if this is long, but it's been weighing heavily on my heart for a few months now.
I've been with DH for about....11 or 12 years, married since 2009. We have two DC's under age 7. I love him dearly, and he loves me. We have a good partnership, even though there are things that drive us nuts about each other. My particular problem with him is I'm not attracted to him sexually. I think he's attractive, but never have I looked at him and thought, "Wow, he's really sexy!" Ever. And I've never felt that we are great in bed. It's....ok. And I've had great before him so I do know what I'm missing out on. I felt so much pressure from family and friends to stay with him, get married, then less than a week later I got pregnant. I have basically stayed with him because I don't want to break my kids' hearts.
So here's the other thing. I've been at my current job about a year, and there is a fellow nurse I work with that over the past year I've grown quite fond of. He is always making eye contact and seriously stares me down, it takes quite a bit for him to break it. He and I share an office with two other nurses, and it's about the size of a medium water closet. He actually sits where the shower used to be LOL (the room was previously a bathroom)...I work in a nursing home BTW. We have a mini fridge in there and it's right next to him, so if I want anything I have to go next to him, and sometimes he is sitting so his foot or leg is blocking the door, and I will tap his knee and he won't move, so I have to physically move him out of the way. This happens quite a bit. He also will linger when handing me something and our fingers touch, longer than you would handing it to a friend. He will show me something on the computer and lean over me, and as he's pointing to the screen he rests his arm on mine the whole time. Yes, he is well aware I'm married. He's divorced with almost adult children.
DH knows about him and knows I'm attracted to him. He jokes about my work boyfriend, I can talk about him without him getting upset, and he will actually ask me if we've had any "encounters" lately (like mentioned above). I have always told him about everything, and we briefly discussed having an open relationship where I would be able to get together with this man. He will actually bring him up in the bedroom to get me more excited and into it, and told me it's one of his fantasies for me to have sex with someone else.
I'm at the point now where all I think about is this other man. I dream about him, I get excited when I see his vehicle at work, I lose track of time and zone out daydreaming about him. When I think about him my heart races and I get short of breath. And I'm not even imagining sleeping with him, it's the other stuff I think of. Cuddling on the couch watching a movie, slow dancing, wrapping his arms around me and just holding me, things like that. I truly miss him when I'm not at work. What in the world is wrong with me and what should I do????? Any advice except leaving my job would be great. I have a fabulous job and have no intentions of leaving it, and neither does he, he's been there about eight years. Thanks!