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Original poster

Family meal

20 replies

cantbefair · 10/07/2017 01:03

I can considering inviting my DP family out for a meal, potentially 10 of us, including a few children.

His birthday was a little over a week ago (he works away) and I was thinking of arranging it as a surprise.

However my dilemma is this:

If you were invited to a family meal would you expect to:
A) have a fully paid for meal by the host
B) pay a % based on amount of people there, i.e. £200 bill split equally per person
C) pay for what you have eaten/drunk whilst there

The outcome of this will likely decide if I bother as I don't want to cause any hassle. I am happy to invite them however personally, I don't want to be expected to pay for everyone.. I don't mind paying for DP, or even his parents, but that's it!

Any help or advice would be appreciated 😀

OP posts:
MrsCornish · 10/07/2017 01:08

I would expect B. split evenly as long as noone who you invite is likely to struggle to pay. You could also exclude children from the numbers. Depends on family sizes. But I wouldn't expect to have it all paid for, provided you are clear ob the invite eg lets all go out fir a surprise meal. I'll book x shall i?

Original poster
cantbefair · 10/07/2017 01:11

Thank you for that MrsCornish.

It's things like this that keep me up at night (clearly!)

OP posts:
Patriciathestripper1 · 10/07/2017 01:11

I think if you are invited you shouldn't pay. (A)
Why not have a surprise party and get the hotel to do a small buffet?

MeanAger · 10/07/2017 01:14

If I was invited I would expect to pay for myself and my children. I probably would insist on that TBH as I wouldn't drink and am not interested in paying for others' drink.

Original poster
cantbefair · 10/07/2017 01:15

If it were my family, I would do something like a buffet at a function room or something, but my family is much larger than his. My thinking was that would just be too much, hence why I thought a meal. What about if I put some money behind the bar or paid for some wine for the table, would that be acceptable?

OP posts:
Lemonnaise · 10/07/2017 01:37

C- Pay for what I've eaten, maybe a bit extra if everyone was also paying for birthday persons meal.

RebornSlippy · 10/07/2017 01:56

If I were invited for a celebration I would expect the meal to be paid for by the hosts.

Depends how you word the invitiation I guess.

user1477249785 · 10/07/2017 02:52

I think anything goes so long as you make it clear up front what expectations are.

user1493413286 · 10/07/2017 03:16

If invited out for a meal I'd expect to pay for myself but to make it clear you need to word it so people understand and avoid any awkward moments

yourerubberimglue · 10/07/2017 03:24

I would pay for myself and DP but would require that the invite stated as such ( though I would insist) again I second children should be excluded - unless most have 1 and someone has 5 x

BumWad · 10/07/2017 03:29

B or C

AgentProvocateur · 10/07/2017 06:23

A

ProfYaffle · 10/07/2017 06:32

C. Have never expected a host to pay for us when invited out - it's never happened either!

Fiona1984 · 10/07/2017 06:40

I remember my parents being unimpressed with their first meeting with my sister's now MIL and FIL. They all met for a meal at a restaurant for the children's graduation. It was the other parents' choice of restaurant. They left my parents to pay the bill for everyone, which I don't think was fair. My parents aren't very well off. His parents live 250 miles away, whether they thought that their travelling and paying for hotels justified them not paying.

RebornSlippy · 10/07/2017 09:11

It's interesting how people interpret this differently. Maybe it's a UK thing, but where I'm from, if you are invited to a party/celebration, you are not expected to pay for your own food. If the party was being held at home you would not expect your guests to pay towards the cost. If the hosts decide to hold a party at another venue/restaurant, why should the guests be expected to foot the bill? In your own words, you are 'inviting them out for a meal'. Would this not mean that you are also paying? It's the difference between hosting and organising.

Again, if you decide to go ahead you need to make it very clear in the wording of your invite that you expect the guests to pay for their own meals. Unless it's the norm where you're from.

Vanillamanilla1 · 10/07/2017 09:16

If I were invited Id expect the host to pay

skyzumarubble · 10/07/2017 09:23

B. But sister and ail in law and us all have two kids and we would all drink a similar amount so would be mostly fair.

PsychoPumpkin · 10/07/2017 16:27

C, but that's just the way our family & friends do things

Floggingmolly · 10/07/2017 16:56

I would expect the host to pay, tbh. If I was issuing an invitation to members of my wider family to attend a meal for DH's birthday, I'd expect to cover the cost.
If I was one of the guests; I'd probably make a token offer to split the bill, but wouldn't really expect it to be accepted.
I'd expect to stand a round of drinks, though.

FusionChefGeoff · 10/07/2017 17:01

I don't think it matters what we would expect.

The key thing is what you put on the invite.

Just decide how you want to play it and then be VERY clear on the invite how it will work.

That way, people who aren't happy won't come and everyone there is on the same page.

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