I'm sorry this is going to be long and possibly tricky to follow..
My DH has always had issues with his gender. He used to dress up in female clothes, wear a wig and go for walks in the dark where there was the potential some one could see. It empowered him and he enjoyed it. He said that he's always felt like this and he could embrace the cross dressing at university as it was the done thing and no one thought it "weird"
At the time, I'm sad to say I wasn't overly supportive. No one found out and that was cos I thought it would be "embarrassing" I used to say "oh not again" when he dressed up. I'm not proud of the way I reacted.
Fast forward 6/7 years, he hasn't dressed up in ages (approx 5) following a spell of epileptic attacks. He said he hadn't felt the need or the urge and that was that.
Recently in last couple of months our arguments have gotten worse. Accusations of me not listening to him and several nasty (swear) names called and swear words used.
This time things were different he gets frustrated because I don't listen to him and feels he's staying male for me as I'd previously said I couldn't be in a relationship with a woman. It's clear he's denying who he is, I knew the second he broke down he'd be talking about urges to become a woman- I'd buried my head in the sand (as has he ) and thought these feelings would go away.
I love him, he's my best friend and this is a big revelation for him and I'm almost thinking like there's no way back. I feel if he transitioned he'd have less resentment for me (why should he deny who he truly is to be ignored and interrupted- I'm crap at listening and often jump in or talk over him) he seems to think he would too.
The only reason he's staying male is for me, and in my opinion this is no reason to make himself unhappy.
He states he's not sure if he needs a full transition, anatomically he feels as though he's "missing boobs" and wants to act/dress/look like a woman without the "need to hack his genitals off" I'm heterosexual and not sure if I can be in a relationship with a woman... I'm sorry if that sounds really unsupportive I don't mean it to. I'd love for him to transition and still feel the same attraction for him as I do as a male but I can't promise that- this is making him reluctant to do it, says he'll carry on as before ,he's hidden it for so long anyway etc.
I just feel if he stays male our arguments will get worse and we have an almost 18mo that I want to create a happy stable environment for, I want to teach her you can be what you want to be without prejudice.
Please can someone offer some some advice. I hope I've written as sensitively as possible, I can't imagine for a second the mental trauma that goes on for those who are trapped in the wrong body 