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Original poster

I've stressed out the bride

45 replies

user1498170313 · 22/06/2017 23:36

My friend is getting married soon. I'm a bridesmaid and have helped the bride organise her wedding. Ive spent quite a lot of money on her wedding, and I've made lots of things to help her out. I'm very creative, so making centrepieces, bouquets etc etc is how I help people out. Anyway, I've surprised the bride with lots of decorations this week and have been in contact a lot to see if there's anything else I can do.
However, I've just received a message from a family member telling me that I'm stressing her out. I feel very upset about this, and feel like I shouldn't contact her again regarding the wedding. I did notice that the bride didn't say much when I surprised her with some wedding bits. She just commented on how pretty they were.
Should I leave all the bits I've made at home? I don't feel like I want to take them now, in case it upsets her more. I don't even want to go the pre-wedding meal because her family are obviously annoyed with me.

OP posts:

popalittlepancakeintothepan · 23/06/2017 00:31

I see her tomorrow, so I can ask her then. I feel like a right idiot. I'm going to get some sleep, can't sit here crying all night. The family member did message back to say she'd re-read her message to me, and realised it was a bit harsh.

Thanks everyone.

Maiz7654 · 23/06/2017 00:32

I think you need to just be honest, say sorry, say stressing her out is the last thing you wanted and you didn't realise etc. I would take the bits you have made with you and just read the situation once you get there. I imagine it has just been blown out of proportion and she is just generally stressed about everything at the moment xx

CremeFresh · 23/06/2017 00:32

Just tell her you're sorry that you got carried away with the excitement of it all . Don't beat yourself up- you were being kind.

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Weddings

Qwebec · 23/06/2017 00:35

Call her, and speak to her like "allthebestnames" said. You won't know the clear picture unless she tells you what she wants/needs.

Giraffey1 · 23/06/2017 00:38

Either you've surprised her either decorations are she asked you to do them, don't think both can be true.
I think it's lovely that you care about you friend so much that you've done loads for her but maybe she feels it's all a bit too much? Or maybe a family member has commented on how much you are doing?
And if the decks really were a surprise perhaps this was the proverbial straw?
I wouldn't get too upset about it. I'd contact your friend, tell her you think you have been a bit unintentionally OTT and that while you're there for her to help if she asks. It may be she doesn't even know about the conversation with the family member, so I'd just be vague and say the candler hingies were only an idea and she probably has something else in mind. Then change the subject and say you are looking forward to the pre wedding meal.
I don't honk withdrawing from the meal is a good idea. It makes it all about you and it clearly isn't. This is about the bride. You not going will look really odd, in my view.
If she is a good friend, and it sound like she is, you will both get past this blip!

WellThatSucks · 23/06/2017 01:42

OP, I understand why you feel hurt, you've thrown a little but too much of your heart and soul into making something nice for your friend and now it looks like you've wasted your efforts and inadvertently upset her. Don't be too hard on yourself and don't let your DH or anyone else try and embarrass you. Just tell them to stfu, your work and your money. As for the bride "Yes, I got carried away - sorry if it's put pressure on you, you don't have to use any of it, you daft mare, I got the wrong of the stick and went overboard, it's only stuff. Let's have another drink."

Worst comes to worst you can sell the stuff on Etsy or eBay to recoup your expenses. Don't let this blight your weekend.

utterchaos · 23/06/2017 09:50

Hold on - are you travelling without the decorations? Are you sure they don't want them?

It would be a shame if there were some cross wires and they're still expecting you to turn up with them.

NC4now · 23/06/2017 09:59

I'd give her a call this morning or asap, ask how she's doing with her preparations. Then let her know she is under no obligation to accept your decorations - you can always sell them on eBay or Etsy - you enjoyed making them but just need to know whether to bring them or leave them at home. You won't be offended.
You'll know from her answers how to deal with it from there.
Try not to feel too hurt. It's hard but this is a special time for your friendship and this is just a little bump that can be smoothed over if dealt with delicately. Just don't leave it till the meal or the night before the wedding. This needs dealing with swiftly and sensitively.

SparklyMagpie · 25/06/2017 10:15

How did it go OP?

DartmoorDoughnut · 25/06/2017 10:20

I wouldn't take it as gospel until you've spoken to the actual bride not her relative

Ballyangel4 · 01/07/2017 09:04

Hi
Im attending a friends wedding abroad and purchased this outfit.is it acceptable to wear to there wedding as its tulle. Its a creamy gold colour and i would wear flat sandals with it. Thanks in advance

Rach5l · 01/07/2017 09:33

No that's fine bally

What happened op?

MrsDc7 · 01/07/2017 09:35

My friend did this to me on my wedding and it was overwhelming and suffocating. I told her I didn't feel comfortable with all the money she had spent and she got really offended. I know it came from a good place but it felt like she was taking over and really upset me. I understand how she feels. It's her day, not yours... save all your creativity for your day

putdownyourphone · 01/07/2017 09:39

Bally I'm sorry but you'll look like a bridesmaid.

Now, back to the subject....

popalittlepancakeintothepan · 08/07/2017 16:16

Giraffey- she asked me to do them when she got engaged. I surprised her just before the wedding, so yes both were true.

popalittlepancakeintothepan · 08/07/2017 16:25

Well everyone, it was all good, better than good. Everyone loved the decorations and couldn't believe they weren't shop bought! It was a good job I made them, there wasn't anything up other than a bit of bunting during the ceremony.

The bride loved them and wasn't at all stressed/upset with me. The relative was a bit off at first, but warmed as the days went on. I did go to the meal because the relative wasn't there, but didn't go to drinks afterwards because it was at the relative's house.

At the end of the wedding, several people were asking to keep one or two because, "they were so beautiful". The bride kept a couple and the relative asked for all of them!! I didn't leave them all for her. I've now offered them to one of my relatives getting married next week, who is over the moon with them.

So I have no regrets making them or surprising the bride with them. It was a very good decision and I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself. What a turn around!

upperlimit · 08/07/2017 16:30

What happened there then, was the relative stirring?

popalittlepancakeintothepan · 08/07/2017 16:32

I think perhaps the relative was the stressed one!

flumpybear · 08/07/2017 16:35

Bally thaus beautiful! Where's the skirt from??

upperlimit · 08/07/2017 16:37

You'll have to take business cards to your relatives wedding next week

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