Paying friend to baby sit.

[HoleySock]

We have three dcs who at the time of babysitting with be 4, 2 and 8 months.
I have never left the kids with anyone other than grandparents but we have a really important function coming up that I have been looking forward to for years! Both sets of parents will be there and it is not child friendly so we have been racking our brains for who we could ask.
My lovely friend who sees the kids pretty regularly, adores them and is just wonderful with them has agreed to sit for the night, huzzah! But...

She doesn't have kids. I only mention this as I can't offer return babysitting services. She's brilliant with them and I'm leaving her from about 6pm to 1am with very young kids, I want to pay her for her time but I have absolutely no idea how to broach the subject.

She is single and a fair bit older than us. We've been friends for about five years and I know from previous conversations that she could always do with a touch more coming in... trying to be sensitive here. But she is also extremely proud and I'm concerned paying her or insisting on paying her or discussing it beforehand may offend her.

I have offered hubs assistance with her upcoming house move which she has accepted (if I can get grandparents to watch the kids then of course I will help to!) but I really feel like I should be giving her money for baby sitting... if she hadn't stepped in I would probably have had to get an agency in which would cost me and I wouldn't be as comfortable.

How would you broach this? And what is a reasonable amount to pay? As I've never had a sitter I have no idea...

Thanks in advance for any help!

I live over 200 miles away from any family but one of my best friends also lives around here. She is also childless and often in need of a little extra.
When she babysits she'll always insist on not being paid but I either give it to her just before she leaves (and have already paid for the cab) away from DP so there is no embarrassment and /or I leave it on the side for her with a note before we leave.
There's very little awkwardness then.
I'd give £30 for that time span. I've paid £45 to a student for 9pm - 1am before
It's pricey hence why I never go out.

If it were me I would literally just say, "this is such a huge favour you are doing me, I would like to recompense you in some way, would you like to be paid for the babysitting or is there something else I could get you, how about a bottle of wine?"
She may well just say No, in which case just reissue the grateful thanks and enjoy her kindness.

Maybe give her some vouchers as a house warming instead of a cash payment? Put it in a card plus a small gift and send it with your dh when he helps her move?

@Mrsknackered I like that idea. We have offered to put her up in our room and we will sleep on the sofa bed in the playroom so that she can have a lie in and we will deal with the kids at 5am when they get up 😂
I may give her a thank you card as she leaves with some cash in it to treat herself...

I would just pay her a bit less than you would pay a professional nanny - then say she's saving you X amount (as a guide, Sitters, which is a professional babysitting service will insist you have two people to look after more than 2 children under 3 and you would pay £7.50+ an hour to use one of them).

Just brook no argument and tell her that if she won't accept payment, you won't accept her services. And leave nice food out for her :)

@ILoveDolly I guess one of my concerns (selfishly) is that I really want to keep her on board should this situation arise again.
Don't get me wrong I adore her and love her company and would carry on being good friends if she wasn't going to babysit, but I also want it to be worth her while as I'm not in a great position to reciprocate favours with three kids so young and a hubby who works all hours!
I'm worried if I ask her she will just say no don't pay me! But I would feel more comfortable if she took money for parting with her evening so that we can have a night out (third one in four years whoop whoop!)

I have a similar arrangement with a friend and I give her the money at the end of the night when her cab arrives. I usually work it out at about £7 an hour as that's a figure I've seen mentioned a few times on here for babysitting.

@JigglyTuff wow so that would be about £90 for a professional service!!

I was planning on giving her £50 but also leaving £20 and local takeaway menus out for her. Is that ok?

I like Mrsknackerd's idea.

She might enjoy doing it as make her feel part of the family. I would happily babysit if anyone close to me needed it and werent taking me for granted.Actually l would be embarrased if they left me 50 and money for take away. I would be happy just to make myself a cup of tea. You could offer money but if she says dont be daft then a voucher for new house is fine.

I think £50 is perfect. Maybe leave a posh ready meal in the fridge and some sweets, unless you know she would prefer a takeaway... she might be too busy to sort it out!

I would be cringed out and possibly offended to be offered money in this situation - it relegates her from family circle to service provider. Trading favours is far more natural - help with the move and a card with a voucher for the new house is far less forced.

Enjoy your evening!

@OneMoreForExtra that's what I'm so worried about! She's a very dear friend and I would hate to offend her either way!

We're absolutely not rolling in it but this night out has been on the cards for years and is a really special celebration in a family members honour. We've budgeted and saved for it and baby sitting costs and 30 mile each way taxi costs are factored in as well as new clothes, hair and make up etc. Effectively this night is instead of a holiday!!

I used to babysit for friends, often last minute when work got in the way. I used to love lying on their sofa, watching Sky and playing with the toys! They tried to pay me every time and every time I refused as I saw it as doing a friend a favour in very nice circumstances!! Helping her move is more than enough as a thank you, IMO, especially if you are feeding her too.

Yes, pamper her with lovely nibbles/nice bottle of wine and the takeaway idea, I'd love that in her shoes!

I think £50 would be perfect and if you explain that you feel uncomfortable asking her without payment then she might take it. I suppose I'd just frame is as her doing you an enormous favour and saving you a bom.

But if you think she's not likely to take it, I'd get her really nice food to eat rather than leaving £20 out for a takeaway as she probably won't do that either

I recently helped out a friend for two full days - 7:30am to 4pm as her DD was too ill to go to nursery. Her husband collected DD and sort of half heartedly tried to pay me- in a way that I felt I had to say 'no, don't worry about it, we loved having her' (which we did) but it was a lot of extra work juggling my own three, school collections and an ill child. Shortly afterwards a voucher arrived in the post for a fraction of the amount they would have paid the crèche. It really made me feel awful- like they were putting a financial amount on how much they valued our friendship and sort of made me feel less valued as a SAHM (probably overthinking but anyway). So that's my roundabout way of suggesting that you say very firmly - no discussion - that you are paying her professional rates, or else I would treat her to something she would love but possibly can't justify due to her house move ie restaurant voucher, beautician voucher etc.

Before I had kids I loved looking after other people's kids, especially if I could play with them before bedtime. I was never offered money, nor would I have accepted, because it wasn't a chore (except for one child!) I did appreciate nice nibbles and thoughtfulness re food and drink and a card. If you must, the housewarming voucher is the way to go, and not too much that it will embarrass her.

Flowers, a lovely gift of some sort, a nice takeaway, husband helping on moving and I think your done! Bottle of wine and taxi fare home if going. Buy her something she'd love ax a treat she'd never get herself! In my case a ridiculously scented candle would do. What you want is to make her feel like she's appreciated (hence gift) but not an employee. We arranged for done tickets through work for a friend, we all went together and about 3 days later done beautiful flowers arrived. (It was a hard to get ticket eveb that we went to as well, bit because of my job I secured VIP tickets ) The tickets would have cost them £180 if they had paid without the extras of VIP BUT at no point would I have expected anything from them in return, we had a fab time so it was a pleasure to facilitate but 4 years on those flowers were much appreciated m, at NO point would I have wanted or accepted financial recompense.

If she loves Boots get her a Boots voucher, if she'd love something from Boden get her a voucher so she can treat herself. The treating but is key.

And as you can see, I am no good at predictive text

I agree that £50 is the right amount to give. It will also make it easier for you to ask her again in the future should the need arise. Babysitters and cleaners are like gold dust and need to be treasured IMO.

It's so tricky as the advice has been so varied!
I've talked it over with hubby and I think we will buy her a £50 voucher for a shop nearby where I took her once. It is a independent shop and sells all the herbal and natural stuff that she absolutely loves and probably doesn't treat herself to as often as she'd like.
I'm also going to research the best vegetarian ready meals and covertly get her to remind me before the time which beer she drinks - I'm not a veggie but I think maybe some of them aren't veggie safe.. or they disagree with her or something. I can't remember, I've been almost non stop pregnant for three years so it's been a long while since we drank together!