Health and Safety: making a cup of coffee

[PeachyClair]

Dh's work did this for a colleague who claimed he couldn't make a coffee, i thought it was funny:

Before commencing, ensure your manager has shown you the essential equipment items known as ?kettle?, tap?, ?cup? and ?spoon. All other requirements can be identified by the labelling on their containers.

A full health and safety assessment should have carried out the process prior to commencement.

1. Take the kettle to the tap, you will find the item has a useful handle for just this purpose. Turn the tap on so that water comes out (not too fast!) and use this to fill the kettle through the spout. Keep checking the fill gauge on the side! When done, turn off tap and remove kettle.

2. Place the kettle securely onto its base, and use the on switch to begin the boiling process (note: placing your hand inside the kettle and grasping the element during this procedure is not advised under current health and safety guidelines).

1. When the kettle switches off it has boiled. CAUTION: HOT WATER

1. Place the cup on the work surface and add one teaspoon of instant coffee, plus sugar if required (you should have been informed of this in advance). Stir with the spoon (selecting a spoon that fits inside the cup aids this procedure- wooden spoons are not appropriate).

1. If the colleague has requested milk, this can be found in the fridge. In a mainly male workplace it is best to sniff and check for lumps first- if these are identified discard. Pour a small amount into the cup until the coffee is the desired strength. If you pour in too much the drink will spill, this will require skilled use of cleaning materials which you have not yet been trained in. However, asking your manager to clear up after you often offends.

1. Carefully, and ensuring your route is free of obstructions, carry the coffee to your colleague.

After careful practise, you may find that your skills develop sufficiently that you are able to make 2, or even three cups at a time!

Good luck! Successful progression through this module will enable you to progress to the next level ,changing the toilet roll?, and entitles you to a NVQ level 5 in home economics..

brilliant!

Scarily, it reminds me of the HSE publication on 'manual handling': if the title isn't enough to have you giggling, wait till you get to the instructions to:

• take a firm stance
• bend your knees
• take a firm grip...

At that point, my colleagues and I were rolling round laughing!

LOL

The actual tea chap wouldn't read it, but DH's mates loved it.

I recently trained as an Assessor in carnival skills.

Dare I ask.... what are carnival skills?

erm, carnival float building / fundraising / performing

bit like Rio but in Somerset- hang on-
like this

oooh, that looks fun!

Tis (well if you dioscount the politics that creep into anything)

but NVQ??? Really?

I run a hotel. The local college was trying to persuade me to send the housekeepers for training to get an NVQ in how th make a bed . The chap's sense of humour seemed to evaporate when I sweetly asked if they do NVQ's in common sense!

Oh, and the employer's liability insurance people insisted on the manual handling training (or man handling training, as the deputy manager dubbed it).

Oh now what you mean- DH ahs been building the things since he was a kid (with his Dad, our kids have ben performing since they were 3) and they still want him to do an NVQ that requests him to suggest a towing vehicle.

Er a tractor??????????

LOL

(still they give the clubs money which is why we all do it)

friend of mine had a builder in who put her electric kettle on the gas hob to boil then went outside to finish his building work nearly burned her blooming house down. I'll print this off for her incase he does work for her again.

Sounds like that builder is the one person on the planet who could benefit from an NVQ!

Seiously, is there a whole subculture of people who dream up silly questions for these things?