Took my daughter from school

[username6795]

Have I've changed NM as I'm
rather embarrassed.

Today my dd4 started at her new school. She was understandably nervous. On Monday we met her treachery and saw the classroom. This morning as I was about to leave school I said bye to dd. She began to cry and cling to me. I hugged her and had a chat. No one came to take her from me or comfort her. I got so upset and stressed that I just walked towards the door with her thinking someone would see how distraught she was and take her from me but they didn't.

What a complete idiot. I phoned the office to say I forgot she had a dentist appointment but that was 8.55.

What shall I say to school tomorrow? I do have anxiety and usually my husband comes along to things like this. He came to her first day in September but he's since been promoted and travels a lot so I was on my own.

Next time signal the teacher or ta and wave them over. They will be more than used to dealing with nervous 4 yr olds. Assuming that someone will come when they can see you with her is silly. I wouldnt spend a long time there though comforting and chatting etc just keep it upbeat walk in straight to the teacher drop her off say goodbye and whisk away. More than likely she will be happy within 5 mins.

Speak to the teacher beforehand and say that she/you are nervous and can they help by distracting her after you've said goodbye.

Hi thanks. I'm more worried about what I can tell school x

What does your DH say?

Told me I'm not right in the head and said I should have just left her. I agree but at the time I didn't want to leave her upset. He's not here.

If the school assume that she was at a dentist then just leave it at that. What's done is done.
Take tomorrow as a new day. Don't let your anxiety rub off onto her if you're feeling nervous about it.

I am a childminder. I have had some children who run in and others who cling. My advice to the children who struggle. Do not sneak off but do a quick prompt goodbye.Lingering does not help in any way. I have never had a child who hasn't settled after mum has left. I also had a child who cried everytime I left for the whole 3 years he was in nursery but it was open plan and he stopped after he couldn't see me.

Do attract the attention of a teacher or TA if she won't leave but you are going to exacerbate the problem if she thinks if I cry I go home.

It is tough though.

Don't worry about today, write it off and start tomorrow afresh. You followed your instincts and it's absolutely fine.

It can help some children to have a transition object from you that you need them to 'look after'. Something that they will easily associate with you (a keyring or something). Explain that you don't have enough room in your bag and that you need her to look after it in her bag until you get her later on. It helps them to know that you are coming back.

As for the leaving, call the school at 8 and ask to speak to the teacher with urgency. Tell them that you are both having some issues with the separation and that you need their help. If you choose to try th transition object, do tell them. Could they find a job for your DD to do maybe? Ask if they can call you at break to let you know that she is ok.

After that, I'm afraid you have to put on your big girl pants and hold it together long enough to get yourself out of the door with as little emotion as possible. A lovely cuddle, kiss and goodbye. Don't hesitate, no more 'one last cuddle'. Children feed off emotion and she will most likely sense your anxiety. Hopefully the staff will help you. Then go and treat yourself to a sugary drink.

It's shit, I know. It's so hard to leave them but as an Early Years teacher of many years, she will be looked after. And it will get easier xx

If the teacher or assistant had taken her away I would have gone. I walked towards the door as that's where they were stood and kept going. Totally stupid. So embarrassed with myself. Thanks everyone.

Ah don't be embarrassed! And ask them for help, it's their job

Good advice from looks

Calm and quick tomorrow.

This bit won't last long.

She felt ill after the dentist, so you took her on home, but forgot to phone to let them know?

Hi I took my daughter in today. She seemed ok but I felt sick. The teacher asked "what happened yesterday" I said dd had a dentist appointment and I didn't want to be late so took her with me" not sure she believed me. Who would take a kid in to school knowing before the bell went they would have to leave again? What if they thought she had gone missing or been taken? I was never like this with my eldest. She's rarely had any time off in 4 years at school. Not even doctor or dentist appointments.

Well you have two options. Either ask for a meeting and come clean. Tell them that you find it really hard and that you couldn't see any other way out.

Or accept that they may not believe you but try to work through it from now on. Worst case scenario, they will put it down as unauthorised absence. They may ask your daughter what happened though.

How was she this morning? How were you?

Sorry, just saw you covered my last two questions!

How old is she?
I think you were wrong yesterday both to take her out and to lie as to why she has to get used to the new environment

Don' t beat yourself up OP. It is really hard to leave a child who is upset and clinging to you, and the teacher should have been very aware and present to help you, if this was your daughter's first day at school.

She is starting a new school at a very unusual time, so in my opinion the teacher should have put thought into greeting and reassuring you and your daughter. I think that you should ask the teacher for consistent help with this transition until your daughter is settled.

So your DD1 is fine with school - what about 2 and 3?

How old is DD4 and are any of her siblings at the same school?

I'm guessing maybe you've moved house and all 4 DC are going through the 'new girl' phase. I was wondering about whether harnessing sibling power might help.

Worst case scenario, they will put it down as unauthorised absence
But OPs daughter is 4, so legally doesn't have to be in school yet anyway (though I agree if they are expecting her then she should be).

How did it go today OP?

Sorry, saw your second post... Ignore me!

Sorry I only have 2 kids aged 4 and 6. Eldest was ok and my youngest would have been if I had left her x

No, they are legally obliged to be in school the term that they turn 5. Since she is 4, I'm presuming that she turns 5 this term.

Unless she is in Scotland!

Sorry, that's totally wrong! Legal obligation is term after 5. You'd think I'd have remembered that, having been a teacher for 15 years. So used to heads insisting on them being in school!