Ex and his lover

[Morgan2017]

Im not sure where to start but im looking for help from anyone who can see clearer than me. Me and my partner split after 10 years, more his choice than mine. We were seperated for a year in which i found it very difficult healing myself. Fast forward to today and hes begging for us to try again. Each day for the last 4months he has declared his love and sorries. I dont know what to do or how i feel and a massive part of this is not being able to block the fact he slept with someone else. Its not like he cheated as we werent together so why is this eating me up so much its reducing me to tears atleast daily! Has anyone been in a similar situation and been able to move past it. Im making myself unwell. Im taunted by visions of them ripping each others clothes off, him touching her body kissing her telling her shes beautiful all the usual intamacy then wondering how they cuddled up afterwards. Its actually haunting me completely. I wonder who initiated it each time and i make myself physically sick thinking he was so turned on by her! They slept together 5 times which to me means he obviously liked her a great deal to keep going back there! part of me screams that its none of my business while the other half is still completely heartbroken and struggeling to see past it.
May i ask that replys of "stop being jealous" are of no use as im well aware how this may be percieved by some.
If anyone has advice, tia xx

Oh Morgan my heart is breaking for you.

If he didn't sleep with someone else would you take him back immediately?

Messofajess
Yeah i think i would have given it a good shot. X

You have held on for far too long which in itself is very unhealthy.

In my opinion you weren't good enough for him a year ago then you'll not be good enough for him now. Believe me once they have checked out that's it.

And since you can't get over the fact he slept with someone else well that does not bode well either. Seriously what did you think he was going to do after your break up? Remain sexless incase you got back together.........

Well my advice to you is whether you eventually take him back or not you do need to find a way to deal with this - I know thats what you started the thread for.

My DH and I have been together since we were kids. About 10 years ago (early 20's) before my DH and I were married we were on a break and he slept with one of my oldest friends. Just like your situation it was five times as well. I was heartbroken. It took me about 6 months to stop thinking about all the passion and clothes ripping off and things like that. I heard from a friend of his about a year afterwards that in actual fact he couldn't even get it up, she cried afterwards and the whole thing was not great. I don't feel even the slightest bit of anger or hurt over it anymore.

I'm not saying this to try and +1 for your partner but I can honestly say its not the hot sex scene you are imagining it to be. It was probably very clumsy and awful and he probably felt so hollow every time.

I don't think life is quite so black and white as Quitelikely has said and I don't think it had anything to do with you being not good enough. Has he given you a reason for what he did? (Not an excuse, a reason) You never ever really know whats going on in somebody elses head.

How is your self esteem? What is your day like are you trying to keep busy? You don't have to set a time limit for yourself on getting over this. If he really wants back in he must wait. What you said is true - it isn't really your business. I think actively pushing the horrible thoughts out of your head and giving yourself some time the half of you that thinks that will grow a little bit more. You need to do that regardless of your decision to take him back or not.

I really don't think that you should get back together with him. He got a bit bored in your relationship, went off for a bit of fun with another woman. That didn't work out, so now he's back giving you all the flannel.

He's treated you appallingly. Of course you can't just forget about the fact that the man who was supposed to be your life partner and whom you could trust, was able to dump you and go off and have sex with another woman.

He did cheat on you, he really did. He can pretend all he likes that you were "on a break" but the truth is he dumped you so he could have sex with another woman and now he's got that out of his system, he wants his comfortable life back (until he gets the itch again).

My advice is to go non contact and carry on with the healing you were working on before he came back with his tail between his legs.