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Pregnant and feel so depressed advice appreciated please

8 replies

user1495564730 · 23/05/2017 20:46

Hi, I just registered as I need some advice in my current situation.
I have just found out I am pregnant with my and really dont know what to do.
A little about my situation, I have been with my fiance for 2 years, at first I was so in love with him, he was so sweet and charming, we got engaged and then slowly thinge changed, stopped me seeing my friends, stopped me wearing makeup, even stopped me wearing skinny jeans, and then after abit made me quit my job after he gave me an ultinatum, him or the job, cause he would accuse me of wanting to meet other men at work.
When I gave my job up thats when he started hitting me, just started by slapping me here and there in arguements but then progressed to biting me and full punches, when he would be drunk it is so much more worse, throw things at me, punch me, then he would say really hurtful things about me infront of other people, things like it killed him being with me as physically I wasnt his type as I was slim and slender and he usually went for women with big hips and bums, and how I needed bum implants, and how nobody cared about me, and how I was just good for one thing and nobody apart from him would ever want to marry me, he says all this just out of nowhere when he is drunk and completely humiliates me infront of his friends and family.
I am so miserable and have even tried to slit my wrists cause it always feels like I would be better of dead then being alive, I have no job, hardly any money, lost touch with my family and friends, all I have is him.
I have tried talking to him about how unhappy I am but often he will just sit there on his phone and ignore me until he is ready to talk.
Sometimes he will just snap and say I need to clear my head and its like eleven o clock at night and not come back till 7am the next day, I ask him where has he been and just makes him angrier, I caught him looking at a well known dating sites to which crushed me.
He makes me feel so worthless, I keep thinking if I didnt nag at him for always being on his phone things would be different, cause he always says I moan too much, I have tried to leave him 3 times now but always end up coming back after he begs and promises to change.
What really hurts me apart from everything else is that he told his best friend that I feel big down there and " you can tell shes slept with alot of people and makes me sick even touching her" his best friend told his wife who told me as im really close to her and she has tried to help me get away from him before.
It just seems theres no end to his humiliation of me, and what scares me is that he told me the last time I left him and came back that the next time I left would be the last as I would be leaving in a body bag, and how they would never find my body, and even threatens my family for no reason.
Now im pregnant I just dont know what to do, on the one side I would love to have a child, I just turned 30 and really feel like my clock is ticking but on the other hand I couldnt stand raising a child with him and dealing with this, he already has 5 other kids with 5 women and he makes there life hell.
I havent told anyone that im pregnant as I need time to think about what im going to do, thanks for reading, much appreciated x

OP posts:
RebornSlippy · 23/05/2017 20:51

You know exactly what you need to do. Leave. Formulate a plan and start to act. Does he know you're pregnant?

specialsubject · 23/05/2017 20:57

Please grab documents, phone, cash and clothes and walk out as soon as you can.

Why you ever got with him, why you stayed, why you had sex - none of it matters now. Get out for your own safety. He will never change and men like this can and do kill.

Your friends and family will be waiting, or there is women's aid.

I wish you the very best.

user1494361872 · 23/05/2017 21:01

Omg my heart is going out to you ❤️️
Please leave him! Your are better than this and deserve more! No one should be made to feel worthless in a relationship, not that you can call it that. He's sounds insecure and such a horrible nasty person.
Is there no where at all you can go to?
You are better on your own xxxxxxx

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AcrossthePond55 · 23/05/2017 21:28

He's isolated you and made you feel that no one cares about you, hasn't he? Well, he's wrong. There are people out there who care about you and they are waiting and praying for you to make that call. Pick up the phone and call someone. Your parents, siblings, friends, WA. Anyone. Tell them the truth. Don't worry about 'I told you so' or 'We knew he was a bad 'un'. That's not important. What's important now is that you get to safety.

Please, just call.

bubbles2020 · 23/05/2017 23:08

Thanks to everyone for replying, no he dosent know im pregnant, I have spoke to his best friends wife who has offered to pick me up when hes out and drop me off to my parents, I know I have to leave really have had enough suffering, I jusy dont know what to do about the baby, feel so confused x

banannabreadforme · 24/05/2017 00:01

This man dose not love you and will not care for your baby. Grab your important personal items and leave. Write a note simply explaining you are leaving, he is now single and he is not to contact you. Does he control your mobile phone? Take photos of any threatening messages or photos and send them to a friend and leave the phone behind.
Go to your gp's in the morning and ask to speak to the nurse. Explain your pregnant and your situation and they can offer support and advice.
You do not deserve to be treated like this.

bubbles2020 · 24/05/2017 01:06

Thankfully I sent all the pics of the bruises to my sister and also have recorded him om WhatsApp threatening to kill me, he does check my phone and sometimes has my phone with him, but the few people I speak to know what hes like and very careful what they text to me.
I will book an appointment with the nurse and explain my situation, I defo think im going to arrange this week and go to my parents, I feel stupid as people did say he was bad news and I never listened x

AcrossthePond55 · 24/05/2017 02:51

Yes, go. You need to be in a place of calm before you can make a rational decision about your pregnancy. Get out and get to your parents. Have you called them yet?

Can you trust this woman not to let slip to her DH that you are planning to leave? Is there anyone else who can take you, someone not connected with your abuser?

And please don't feel stupid. I'm not stupid and I've been there. We see what they want us to see and we make our decisions based on who they are pretending to be. They take advantage of our trust and faith to make us believe we are wrong and deserve mistreatment. It's not because we are stupid. It's because we are loving people who trust that others are as loving as we are. You aren't the first. You won't be the last. But you can make sure that he is the last man to ever abuse you.

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