Hi, I just registered as I need some advice in my current situation.
I have just found out I am pregnant with my and really dont know what to do.
A little about my situation, I have been with my fiance for 2 years, at first I was so in love with him, he was so sweet and charming, we got engaged and then slowly thinge changed, stopped me seeing my friends, stopped me wearing makeup, even stopped me wearing skinny jeans, and then after abit made me quit my job after he gave me an ultinatum, him or the job, cause he would accuse me of wanting to meet other men at work.
When I gave my job up thats when he started hitting me, just started by slapping me here and there in arguements but then progressed to biting me and full punches, when he would be drunk it is so much more worse, throw things at me, punch me, then he would say really hurtful things about me infront of other people, things like it killed him being with me as physically I wasnt his type as I was slim and slender and he usually went for women with big hips and bums, and how I needed bum implants, and how nobody cared about me, and how I was just good for one thing and nobody apart from him would ever want to marry me, he says all this just out of nowhere when he is drunk and completely humiliates me infront of his friends and family.
I am so miserable and have even tried to slit my wrists cause it always feels like I would be better of dead then being alive, I have no job, hardly any money, lost touch with my family and friends, all I have is him.
I have tried talking to him about how unhappy I am but often he will just sit there on his phone and ignore me until he is ready to talk.
Sometimes he will just snap and say I need to clear my head and its like eleven o clock at night and not come back till 7am the next day, I ask him where has he been and just makes him angrier, I caught him looking at a well known dating sites to which crushed me.
He makes me feel so worthless, I keep thinking if I didnt nag at him for always being on his phone things would be different, cause he always says I moan too much, I have tried to leave him 3 times now but always end up coming back after he begs and promises to change.
What really hurts me apart from everything else is that he told his best friend that I feel big down there and " you can tell shes slept with alot of people and makes me sick even touching her" his best friend told his wife who told me as im really close to her and she has tried to help me get away from him before.
It just seems theres no end to his humiliation of me, and what scares me is that he told me the last time I left him and came back that the next time I left would be the last as I would be leaving in a body bag, and how they would never find my body, and even threatens my family for no reason.
Now im pregnant I just dont know what to do, on the one side I would love to have a child, I just turned 30 and really feel like my clock is ticking but on the other hand I couldnt stand raising a child with him and dealing with this, he already has 5 other kids with 5 women and he makes there life hell.
I havent told anyone that im pregnant as I need time to think about what im going to do, thanks for reading, much appreciated x