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Original poster

Would you follow this up? (school related)

26 replies

EwanWhosearmy · 21/05/2017 10:29

Wednesday was tipping with rain and DD took her new fidget spinner to school for Wet Play. I told her not to, she insisted.

Picked her up and she was hysterical. It was on her table and somebody took it. She doesn't know who.

Now, this is a one-class per year primary and she is Y5. The teacher had the perfect opportunity to say to the class "Ewanjr has lost her fidget spinner. Can you all have a quick look around for it and the person who brings it to me gets a house point." No blame, DD gets it back. She didn't. She let them all go home. She told me that they "often" bring back to school something that has gone missing.

There has been no message to parents that anything has gone missing, and nothing said to the children. So thief has got away with it. If DD came home with something that wasn't hers I would take it back to school but presumably thief has thieving parents as well.

There have been other incidents over this year. DD had a pencil shaped like an arrow she bought at an English Heritage place. Somebody took it out of her drawer and sharpened it down to a stub. Another child had a distinctive jacket taken. Yet we never get any communication from school saying has anyone picked up XYZ by mistake.

This is the WWYD. I was going to let it go, and I've told DD that next time I tell her not to take something to school she should listen. But, given that most of the class are 10 years old, thus above the age of criminal responsibility, I am wondering whether to speak to the teacher again or go to the HT and ask them to speak to the children about stealing. Someone in that class knows that is DD's toy and has deliberately taken it. It's not like a 5 yo thinking "pretty" and taking it. It's not like dropping your jumper on the field and walking off without it. This is a deliberate act, just like the pencil.

WWYD?

OP posts:

mychilddoesntlookdisabled · 21/05/2017 10:31

You lost me at fidget spinner to school. Sorry.

She's 10. Unless she needs a fidget spinner due to SN, why does she need it in class?

I hope she gets it back but precious things don't go to school in my world. And at 10 they don't need toys unless end of term and a fun day.

Ca55andraMortmain · 21/05/2017 10:39

Are you sure that nothing has been mentioned? I am a teacher and I have a known light-fingered child in my class who, for various reasons, does not understand that taking something that isn't yours is stealing. If something goes missing, I try to find out, subtly, if he was involved. I don't announce the missing item to the class at large until I know that it wasn't him - no sense in making him feel guilty about it when he has no concept of ownership. I certainly don't send correspondence home to parents about it. By all means mention it to to the school - the class teacher please though, not the head (nothing worse than a parent going over you to the HT before they've given you a chance to sort it out yourself). I wouldn't start talking about the age of criminal responsibility either, bit much for a fidget spinner.

pinkandorangeroses · 21/05/2017 10:40

I think most valuable things (emotional as well as financial) should be kept away from school.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

10 year olds 5 year olds General education Primary education

GU24Mum · 21/05/2017 10:43

I'm sure loads of things go missing every week. Other than key school things (PE bag, ink pen etc), I'm sure the teachers don't have time to ask about every lost item. I tell mine that if they take things to school and lose them etc then it's one of those things. Yes, it's very annoying but unless it's a case of another child taking things out of bags I think you'll have to leave it and hope it turns up.

JennyOnAPlate · 21/05/2017 10:47

My 9 year old had hers stolen out of her bag (which was hanging on her peg in the cloakroom) a couple of weeks ago. School couldn't care less but I suppose there's very little they can actually do to find out who took it (short of frisking all the children and searching their bags, which they aren't allowed to do).

I'm taking it as a lesson learned not to take anything you care about to school.

SandyDenny · 21/05/2017 10:48

I think you are over-reacting a bit but I do understand why you are annoyed. Unfortunately I think you have to apply the don't take special things to school rule to your DD.

By all means have a word with the teacher but don't expect her to start a full scale investigation. Is the fidget spinner is a distinctive one is there a way you could ask the other y5 parents if there child has brought it home "by mistake". Do you have a parent facebook group/group chat?

I've had a letter in a book bag before about lost items, produced by the parent but kindly handed out by the teacher, might that be an option?

FloofyCat · 21/05/2017 10:49

How much time do you think would be taken away from teaching if teachers started adjudicating on missing toys - which shouldn't have been taken in anyway? Teachers are there to, you know, teach.

You told her not to take it in - she ignored you and took it anyway. You should see this as a good learning opportunity.

Please don't waste the teacher's time complaining about this.

WinnieFosterTether · 21/05/2017 10:49

tbh I wouldn't be so quick to assume it was stolen or that the DC had thieving parents It could have fallen. Your DD could have forgotten that she put it somewhere else.
If you think the pencil and the fidget spinner are deliberate acts against your DD and that she's being singled out and bullied, then do go back to the class teacher about it.

jogondown · 21/05/2017 11:29

How do you know it's definitely been stolen? Posts like this crack me up. You told her not to take it and she did it anyway. How do you know it hasn't simply been misplaced?

Original poster

EwanWhosearmy · 21/05/2017 11:30

She does have SEN, that's why I bought it.

She didn't lose it. It was by her on her table, so it was a deliberate theft. Not a mistake, not a careless accident.

Obviously she won't be taking anything to school again. I hadn't followed it up yet because it was only a fidget spinner, no big deal. But then I remembered what else has happened over this year, hence wondering whether I should go in.

There is no FB page and little contact with other parents. Sadly this class has had a lot of churn and there are very few of them left who started together in Reception. Most of the other parents either don't come up to school, or sit in their cars, so it isn't as if we get to chat.

OP posts:

mychilddoesntlookdisabled · 21/05/2017 11:34

Why the face? You didn't mention SEN in your OP, and I did say no need unless SN.

Heirhelp · 21/05/2017 11:37

Our local CAHMS has said that fidget spinners are not suitable concentration aids. In this case your daughter was using it lunch time as a toy before you go to the head to complain it was stolen you need to ask the teacher to ask other students to check for it.

Heratnumber7 · 21/05/2017 11:41

Fidget spinners are £2 round here. Buy her another one if you think the phase will last long enough

FloofyCat · 21/05/2017 11:41

The SEN is irrelevant here, she wasn't using it as a concentration aid. No need for humphy face as you didn't mention it in the OP at all, just that you told her not to take it but she insisted.

Dottie39 · 21/05/2017 11:42

Unless you were sat next to her in class you cannot possibly say for certain that it was deliberate theft. It could have fallen off the table, your daughter could have put it elsewhere, a child could have mistakenly taken it thinking it theirs.
Also, if something is precious don't take it to school, good lesson for your daughter to do as she is told.
Teachers are there to teach, not chase after toys.

FloofyCat · 21/05/2017 11:43

Yes, our pound shop has fidget spinners in - a clear sign they are on the way out

I hear slime is the next big thing

FloofyCat · 21/05/2017 11:44

But not normal gloopy neon slime like we used to have - this is glittery whipped type slime. You heard it here first!

Wh0Kn0wsWhereTheTimeGoes · 21/05/2017 11:45

We had something similar with a pen in yr 6, DD was pretty certain who the culprit was and how it had happened and told the teacher who tried the "has anyone seen" tactic to no avail. DD said to me that a lot of children were "losing" pens etc at the time. I bumped into the HT and on the spur of the moment mentioned it, he assured me that I was right to mention it and personally searched all the class trays at break time, found the missing things and the culprit was dealt with.

elevenclips · 21/05/2017 11:47

You will have to buy her a duplicate fidget spinner and tell her she should have listened when you said not to take to school. Unless she can keep it in a pocket on her person at all times. If it is necessary for SEN, you need to created a zipped pocket in part of her uniform if there isn't already one. My dc has one for SEN and I had to do just this. Dc would not dream of leaving it unattended.

You could report it but there's nothing the school can do. We have evolved into a rule based society where common sense goes out of the window. In the old days, a teacher would have kept the class until the spinner was found. And everyone would be in detention if the culprit wasn't identified. But now things are different and it has created opportunities for kids to get away with wrong doing.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 21/05/2017 11:58

I think the reality is that if stuff gets taken to school it's very likely to disappear. Either don't let her take stuff in, or be prepared for it not coming back. It's something I've learned over the years.

mychilddoesntlookdisabled · 21/05/2017 12:00

If you bought it for her as she has SEN as a concentration aid then

1 Why doesn't she take it to school every day? Why was she only allowed to take it for wet play?

and

2 They aren't recommended as concentration aids.

So your humpy face about the SEN comment - what the fuck was that all about?

Original poster

EwanWhosearmy · 21/05/2017 18:12

1 Why doesn't she take it to school every day? Why was she only allowed to take it for wet play?

Because I only bought it Saturday and this was Wednesday...

2 They aren't recommended as concentration aids.

They were originally designed for children with ADHD..

So your humpy face about the SEN comment - what the fuck was that all about?

TBH I didn't think it was relevant to my point. It could have been a pencil case. It just happened to be the latest craze.

elevenclips thank you, that is what I remembered from when my others were at school. Something else that hasn't changed for the better. Why shouldn't children of this age be held to account?

OP posts:

Heirhelp · 24/05/2017 17:26

Lots of things that are sold are not suitable for the purpose that they are sold for.

rollonthesummer · 24/05/2017 17:32

I'm sure loads of things go missing every week. Other than key school things (PE bag, ink pen etc), I'm sure the teachers don't have time to ask about every lost item

This!
Don't let your child take things in to school that are precious. If it's so necessary for her SEN, why didn't she have it on Monday or Tuesday??

Msqueen33 · 24/05/2017 17:35

My dd has asd and ADHD. Sometimes she takes stuff in in her book bag. She's not meant to and I do take most bits off her but anything that goes in I prepare that we may lose. It's not right people taking things as the way teaching are allowed to deal with stuff has changed but I wouldn't let her take it.

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