Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

Wedding etiquette for attending church when just invited to evening do

24 replies

CheeseAtFourpence · 21/05/2017 09:38

We've been invited to the evening reception of a lovely relative later this year. The church is local to us and we would love to go and watch them actually get married.

I remember people wandering down to watch us get married but don't recall them actually in church. Is it okay for DD and I to go into church or should we stick to just watching the bride arrive?

OP posts:

beekeeper17 · 21/05/2017 09:43

I think it totally depends. I've been to weddings where a few people have waited until the bride is in the church and then they quietly pop into the back seats or balcony and watch the ceremony. But I can see that some people might find that odd. I'd just ask the couple.

NotHotDogMum · 21/05/2017 09:54

I'd feel a bit uncomfortable attending the ceremony if I hadn't been invited to it.

Although I have heard (on MN) that some people do this.

NapQueen · 21/05/2017 09:56

Id message them and say "thank you for inviting us to join you on the evening of your wedding. Does your church have room for extra people to come and watch you exchange vows?"

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General relationships Philosophy & religion Weddings

shatteredstudentmum · 21/05/2017 09:57

Quite a few local friends came to ours a f stood / sat at the back, it was lovely to have them there. And I have done it several times too. As long as you wait til last and there's room I don't see why not

savagehk · 21/05/2017 10:00

I never quite understood the etiquette around this myself. If cost is a factor, surely the church bit is the free bit and the expensive bit happens later? I'd prefer to be invited to the church bit and not the evening bit if it had to be a choice. I understand if the church bit is to be kept very small and intimate.

creepysleepy · 21/05/2017 10:07

I think everyone is allowed in church.

Lots of my rives had fandoms off the street come and watch.

These are the people that whinge about too much screen time

creepysleepy · 21/05/2017 10:08

Ffs typos lots of my elderly relatives

TittyGolightly · 21/05/2017 10:10

In order for the marriage to be legal nobody can be prevented from attending the ceremony. It's a public declaration.

Go and enjoy!

MrsKlugscheisser · 21/05/2017 10:11

Anyone can attend a church wedding. A lot of our old neighbours came to the church to see me get married. It was lovely to see them there.

dazzlingdeborahrose · 21/05/2017 10:12

Weddings are public events. You can't actually exclude anybody from the ceremony. So a couple may want a small intimate service but can't actually prevent the entire parish from rocking up to the church.
I would let them know that you live near the church and would like to pop along to see them married. Then wait until everyone else has gone in and is seated, then find yourself an unobtrusive seat near the back.

Carolinethebrave · 21/05/2017 10:13

You haven't been invited so I think it would be weird to just turn up.

TwoIsQuiteEnoughThankyou · 21/05/2017 10:14

It's the law of the land, innit? Anyone is welcome in a church at any time. Of course there might not be room, but that's a different issue. The trick is not going to the boozer in the interval between service and evening party and rolling up to the "do" absolutely hammered.

WateryTart · 21/05/2017 10:14

When I got married a lot of DCs from my school and their parents waited outside for all the guests to arrive and then filed in to the remaining seats or to stand to the side at the back. It was lovely. Such a surprise when I walked in.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 21/05/2017 10:18

I think it's fine. Quite a few people turned up to my wedding, parents of dh's school friends, plus some older ladies who attend every wedding apparently

If it makes you feel better you could let your relative know you'll be at the church and you'll look forward to celebrating with them later that evening?

troodiedoo · 21/05/2017 10:18

I said on my evening invites everyone welcome at the church service. Thought everyone did that. It's fine to go.

Alexandra87 · 21/05/2017 10:20

I would go to the church. I wouldn't have minded if anybody had attended my ceremony if they'd been invited to the evening. Just don't linger afterwards

NoSquirrels · 21/05/2017 10:28

You're absolutely entitled to attend the church service - it's a public event.

But I think etiquette might be to let the happy couple know you'll be doing that as you'd live to witness the vows and then will be delighted to see them at the evening do, as otherwise they might worry you got the wrong invite/are offended about lack of wedding breakfast invite etc.

Original poster

CheeseAtFourpence · 21/05/2017 10:33

Thanks everyone. Church is massive so no issues with room. I think I'll dress fairly smart and see what others do. I will slip in and sit at back and keep out of the way as much as possible. The bride isn't the type to be offended by anything

OP posts:

TestTubeTeen · 21/05/2017 10:34

The marriage is a public event and churches will never turn away members of a congregation.

I would send a lovely RSVP for the evening event and say as you are nearby you'd love to pop in at the back for the vows and then see them later. Just be careful not to make it sound like a PA reference to not being invited to the meal.

BendingSpoons · 21/05/2017 10:42

You probably haven't been specifically invited as they didn't want you to feel obliged coming to the church, going back home and then coming out in the evening. You are their guest so I can't see why they would mind. At my church wedding, 1 or 2 of my mum's friends, who knew me growing up, attended the service. They mentioned it before but I wouldn't have minded (or probably even noticed!).

isittheholidaysyet · 21/05/2017 13:53

I thought that was the normal thing to do if you are invited to the evening do of a wedding?

Presuming you either live near (or have travelled for the evening event anyway).
Go to church, then either go home or entertain yourselves for the rest of the day, and return for the evening.

ShatnersBassoon · 21/05/2017 13:57

It's normal and to be expected. There'll probably be people the bride and groom don't know there, strangers who just love a wedding/will attend everything in the church.

Primrose06 · 22/08/2017 10:18

Locally this is quite common .Many people often turn up to stand outside and watch everyone arriving and then quietly slip into the gallery, creche or back of the church.

PinkHeart5911 · 22/08/2017 10:20

How cringe to turn up to the wedding when you've not been invited!

Yes a church is public but if they wanted you at the ceremony they would of invited you wouldn't they?

Flip