Hi,
My background, with my ex from 16-33, left him due to violence, have a Son aged 15 and a Daughter aged 12, was single/dating from 33-35 and then in a relationship since Sept 2015. My Son keeps himself to himself and sometimes has similar traits to his Dad and has had nothing to do with my partner (well, ex from today) and my daughter met him and his children in Dec 2015 and gets on well with them all.
I've ended it with him today as he had lived with his friend from when we first met and In Jan 2017 he told him to leave. Secretly I was pleased as I hoped it would prompt him to stand on his own two feet (after 6 months in the relationship he told me he had gambled in the lead up to his marriage breakdown and had wasted most of the equity he had walked away with. Also his business was slow and a reason for him staying with his friend as it was cheaper than renting.) he did nothing to find a place of his own until eventually his friend told him to leave on a set day. I said he could stay with me for two weeks but That would be it. Mainly because of my son and also because of his relaxed nature and gambling. Also I thought when he's earning more than me, had more equity than I walked away with etc then he's got no excuse.
He's stayed with me but was more than happy to sleep in his car rather than ask for help or invite himself over. I let him stay over because I didn't want him to be sleeping in his car and if I had a friend etc in that situation I would help. He hasn't offered to pay for anything and his timekeeping is still poor, always turning up late. Yesterday I asked him to come to a garage with me as my car has been stuck there for 15 days and I keep getting fobbed off with when it's coming back and how it will be fixed. I felt completely stuck and have a limited knowledge on cars. I don't like to play the woman's card but I asked him to come with me to get to the bottom of the situation because I would have felt more comfortable having a man with me rather than walking into the garage alone and having to thrash it out. Yesterday ex had what he called a minor operation but it was delayed so we didn't see each other last night as he had to get her to the hospital (her parents and partner are away) so they was fine and off the back of that he said he could get to me inbetween 10&11 before the garage shut at 12.30. 11 came, I couldn't get hold of him so I dealt with the garage myself. Having seen my missed call he rang at 11.30 and said he was still at his old house with the kids and his ex was still in hospital. He lives 40 mins away so I knew he couldn't get to the garage and his ex was fine it was just that there were delays at the hospital. I felt this was the last straw that he didn't have the decency to call me and say he couldn't make it. I achieved what I wanted at the garage by getting some money off my bill and a date to collect my car and he said well you didn't need me anyway which missed the point. I didn't need him I wanted him there and had been hoping he'd step up to the plate and sort his living arrangements out. My big concern now is the best way to tell my children we are no longer together especially as our daughters got on so well. Any advice please?