I have been with my partner over 2 years and we have known each other for over 5. I have a 13 yr old daughter. He has a 17 year old son he doesn't see and an 11 yr old with NF1. We have a baby boy together who is 3 months old. At the start we had a fantastic relationship, very respectful and very loving. I took my time letting his son stay over as it wouldn't be fair on either of our children to rush things. His son is lovely but because of his illness it can cause special needs and autism tendencies and he really is hard work. He has screamed in my daughters face and once she tried to help him by telling him to mind the door so he wouldn't get hit and he shouted at her to shut up. My partner knows of both incidents but I feel like he uses his sons condition as an excuse and doesnt punish him the same way I would. As a result of this my daughter has withdrawn from the family when he visits and stays in her room. It makes me so sad I dont know what to do anymore. I love my partner so much but he gets really irritable if I try to say anything about his son. Im worried our son is going to be treated 2nd best to him now too because he just lets him get away with everything. He spat on the floor in a supermarket a few months back and all my partner did was take his ds off him but let him keep his tablet and phone?!
The problem doesnt end there though, his ex wife is always trying to interfere in our relationship too. She makes comments all the time to my partner and he never stands up to her. She made a comment about our child could end up with the same condition as his son when I was pregnant, which is none of her concern! She moans at us if we take him out to a party because he has no options of a babysitter like she does. Recently after our son was born she said cant you go and stay somewhere else because their son was complaining to her he was tired when he goes home as he has to sleep on a fold out bed in the living room as I only have a 2 bed home. Thats just minor things to be honest and to top it off my partner didnt even get me a mothers day card this year but he bought stuff for his ex wife. He did apologise afterwards but hasnt even tried to make up for it.
Everytime I visit his parents with the kids they always ask about her. And even though they claim they dont like her why do they have to keep talking about her. It makes me feel so low. His parents say they love me so why cant they respect my feelings too. I sometimes feel like I have made a big mistake but I like I said I love my partner so much and wouldnt be without our son he is my world. I feel like Im in a rut at the moment and dont know how to get out of it. Im starting to resent his son because of the special treatment of his son and ex wife.
I dont know what to do anymore.