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Hubby having inappropriate conversations and now don't trust him. What do I do?

6 replies

BlueAutumnSkies · 08/05/2017 23:36

Feeling a little lost as up until recently it was my hubby who I had these conversations with 🙁

It became known to me about 6 weeks ago that around February time my husband had started telling his female friends that our marriage was over. With one friend she expressed how she was sad to hear this and in literally the next line he told her he was 'in the mood (paraphrasing)' and be asking the girl how she likes her meat... The female friend to her credit ignored his messages and his attempts since to have a conversation so I don't think she was impressed and I have no reason to think anything sexual has actually happened between them as she is happy and with her fella and she cold shouldered him.

I brought it up with him, didn't ask him if it was true, just made it clear I knew exactly what was said and asked him why he said it. He answered with he didn't know and he didn't mean it and it has never been spoken about since. The whole 'confrontation' stage was 2 mins max and my admittedly gentle ways of approaching the subject since has just been ignored.

Problem is I don't trust him now at all, even though I know actual cheating didn't happen. I never in a million years thought he was that type of guy so now I feel like I don't really know him. I am pregnant with our second child (and he knew I was when messaging this girl) so not sure if I am just being overdramatic in my head because of hormones but several times in the last week I have just wanted to pack my bags 🙁 Our marriage has some issues but prior to this I wouldnt have said sefious issues - just usual disagreements/issues that arise 3 years in once the honeymoon phase settles in.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 08/05/2017 23:41

I'm not hormonal and I would kick his sorry arse out the door. Sorry you're going through this. Flowers

LanaDReye · 08/05/2017 23:46

Sorry this is happening to you.
He would have cheated if he had an opportunity. You now think he may cheat.

Is it time to outrightly ask him for the truth - does he want to end things now?

My exH cheated on me and we split up. It's horrible but really I knew it was over years before. I'm a lot happier now. Is there enough to salvage and fix for you?

JaxingJump · 08/05/2017 23:52

That is cheating. And it's disgusting. I would hope to God that I would also pack my bags. I'm so sorry he has done this to you but someone who has behaved like this is not to be trusted, not now and not in 10yrs time. And you do deserve better.

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BlueAutumnSkies · 09/05/2017 00:14

LanaDeReye - I did ask him when I confronted him and have asked a few times since and he has said I am being ridiculous and of course he doesn't want things to end.

He has started seeing a therapist in the last three weeks to deal with some deep seated stuff from when he was a teen and part of me wonders if it was all part of him just trying to get an ego boost but I really don't know anymore.

I never used to understand women behaving like me and putting meaning to behaviour... karma is mean :-(

OP posts:
twattymctwatterson · 09/05/2017 00:28

You do know that the only reason he didn't cheat is because she wasn't interested? He will do this to you again and again

FritzDonovan · 09/05/2017 00:44

Sorry, but once they show this side of their personality you'll be wondering forever. Even if you think it's over and done with, years down the line something can happen to trigger that mistrust again. Unless he behaves like an angel from now on, but I doubt it.
I know how hard it would be to leave, but I also know how these doubts can fester. If I had my time again, I would leave, but that initially was pre-kids in my case. If you want to stay I would make a definite stand on what is and isnt appropriate in the relationship. Couples counselling to figure out why he did it, ways of preventing it happening again, and him owning up to the reasons why it happened. I do think men are generally pretty selfish and ignorant when it comes to stuff like this, he needs to know just how wrong it is. And that you won't accept it again. Then try and get yourself into a more secure place financially etc, so he knows you're not just bluffing.

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