Ex in my house while I'm not there grrrr

[Mrspeach999]

My Ex husband and Sons father called to collect my son (13 years old) today while I was out, I arrive back from the supermarket to find my ex at the top of the stairs and my son walked out of the living room on the ground floor. We've been divorced 8 years after I kept the marital home and I bought him out. I'm really peeved he was upstairs, why and I'm annoyed I didn't ask him why he was upstairs!! Maybe he was snooping at the new bathroom but I'm really annoyed and feel like my privacy has been invaded! I'm going to ask my son when he returns tomorrow why his dad was upstairs! I wouldn't dream of going upstairs in his house especially when he wasn't there... why does he think it's ok just coz he lived here 10 years ago!! Btw he's a police man too!! How would you feel and how would you handle it?

I'd be pretty livid too. Why was he in your house at all? Does he have a key? I think you need to establish boundaries, he shouldn't be in your house at all.

My son let him in and I don't expect him to stand on the doorstep, it's the fact he was stood at the top of the stairs chatting on his phone that peed me off, I know I have every right to have a conversation with him about it, it just makes me really uncomfortable raising the subject and the fact he's put me in this position pisses me off, it's just really disrespectful, I had bank statements in the spare room on a table, makes me wonder what he was doing upstairs, I will find out more tomorrow and once I've calmed down more

My son was in the house, his dad was calling to pick him up

That makes more sense op! Sorry I assumed he had a key and then you were annoyed about him being in your house.
I think you have the right to be frustrated and I think once you bring it up he will understand, he is probably pushing boundaries to see what you say.

He's a policeman - he was doing a bit of snooping.

I wouldn't like it either but I guess he just wanted to take advantage of being able to have a look at what you'd done do the place.

Have a chat with your DS and explain how it made you feel to ensure it doesn't happen again.

I think you are fab btw for understanding its acceptable for him not to wait on the doorstep.

Thanks for your comments, I will discuss it with my son later

What did your son say? Have you spoken to your ex and said you felt uncomfortable with it? I suppose if you know he's due over to collect ds you can ensure he's ready to walk out the door the second he arrives, no need to invite him in!

I asked my son why his dad was upstairs, he said he didn't know and then said why? So in other words what's my problem? Don't think a 13 year old gets it, I said I'm sure his dad wouldn't like it if I went into his house and wandered round upstairs..... if I had sold the house and bought another place after the divorce he would feel comfortable wandering round, it's just cos 10 years ago he lived here!!! I've bottled out saying anything to my ex..... but the next time we have words about something I will throw it at him for sure 😂, but it feels like I feel embarrassed for him if I say something .... if that makes sense! At the end of the relationship it was very confrontational so think I'm avoiding going back to that place if I can.... he had his walking boots on too !!! I'm due a new carpet ... had it already been down I would have hit the roof!

*he wouldn't feel comfortable wandering round a house I had bought

Extra rude not to take his shoes off! No I don't suppose a 13 yr old would understand why it feels weird but definitely I think in future have him ready to go so no need for him to come in at all!