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Original poster

Ex colleague blanking me

24 replies

CaulkheadNorth · 28/04/2017 16:11

I feel like I've accidentally become 7 years old again.

From 2014-15 I worked with a colleague. Let's call her Sandra. i had a lot of time off during that period with my mental health, but Sandra and I always got on well. I moved away, and we didn't stay in touch, but we're on Facebook/twitter with each other.

About 6 months ago she blocked me on twitter. Fine. She then deleted me as a Facebook friend. Fine. We hadn't been in touch since stopping working together and it didn't bother me, other than slight interest when I heard she had left our joint previous place of work.

Today I went to the main head office for work and she was working on reception. I greeted her warmly, said it was nice to see her. She ignored me to the point of one my colleagues commenting.

When I left, I tried to chat again to her. She was frosty but polite so I said "it was such a long time ago we worked together, maybe a coffee somewhen would be good". She then said "I'll see you when hell freezes over".

I was shocked, and said that if I'd upset her then I'd rather talk about it and clear the air. She ignored me.

I have to go to this office every few weeks and I'm now feeling concerned that it will be awkward each time with her. She is clearly angry at me, but I don't know why, or what I can do to fix it. Any suggestions?

OP posts:

Original poster

CaulkheadNorth · 28/04/2017 16:12

(Sorry for such an epic post)

OP posts:

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 28/04/2017 16:14

She needs to grow up, sharpish. My personal favourite in situations where someone is being unnecessarily rude and petty is to tell them that if they have a problem, then it's their problem not mine.

Original poster

CaulkheadNorth · 28/04/2017 16:15

Afterwards I wanted to say "did you mean to be so rude" but I didn't think of it quickly enough.

OP posts:

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 28/04/2017 16:19

I'd be pretty stunned and unable to think of a comeback with that level of ridiculousness to be fair. She sounds like she's got a real problem, but you've tried to ask her what it is and resolve it nicely. She's being a right bitch.

Original poster

CaulkheadNorth · 28/04/2017 16:22

Thanks for the reassurance, I'm glad I'm not alone in finding this weird.

I just don't know what to do when I see her next.

OP posts:

brieandcrackers · 28/04/2017 16:24

How bizarre - do you have any mutual friends who might be able to shed some light on why she's started disliking you?

Even if she had a good enough reason, for the sake of professionalism she shouldn't have reacted to your presence like that!!

OliviaStabler · 28/04/2017 16:25

Ignore it. Be polite and professional when you see her but write her off in any other sense. I have no time for people like her.

LoveForTulips · 28/04/2017 16:28

In this situation I would be so nice/polite to her. (maybe comes off a little passive aggressive)
But if she won't tell you what you may have done wrong, what are you supposed to do? I would say good morning/afternoon every time i pass her, and on leaving the building, if i pass her again, tell her to have a nice day.
But then, that's just me.
Hope you find out whats happening!

Original poster

CaulkheadNorth · 28/04/2017 16:28

Only people that left before I did, so know her less well, if that makes sense.

When we worked together, she could be quite highly strung, but not to a huge extent...

OP posts:

GoodDayToYou · 28/04/2017 16:29

I can only guess that she's possibly taken offence at something you've posted??

GoodDayToYou · 28/04/2017 16:31

Jta, it's a weird way to behave. She must have a reason though.

Original poster

CaulkheadNorth · 28/04/2017 16:32

Maybe. I try to not talk about that job as I'm friends with others from there, but maybe it's something else. Just so weird.

OP posts:

BerylStreep · 28/04/2017 16:41

So does she work for the same organisation as you, but at head office whereas you don't?

Or were you at head office the capacity as a client / customer?

I think it makes a difference, because whilst her response to you was completely inappropriate, if you were there as a client it is waaay worse.

She obviously thinks you have said or done something to upset her.

Original poster

CaulkheadNorth · 28/04/2017 16:46

I was there as the client. It's a large national charity that rent some floors in a building. She works on reception and I was there visiting someone who works there.

I know the other person on reception well, I've used the building very few weeks for about 5 years, but I don't feel it's professional to ask him if he mentioned anything when I left.

OP posts:

Pinkypierainbowdash · 28/04/2017 16:46

Next time,just talk work related if you need to otherwise just ignore her .

But if you feel she might be a problem it might be best to chat to manager or hr

Just explain you worked together but didbt stay in touch.now shes being strange with you

Go on to explain you dont want her to be made to talk to you etc.but you dont want to be made to feel like crap and that you cant come to work .

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 28/04/2017 16:49

Sandra sounds like hard work.

Or maybe you inadvertently 'liked' something racist or homophobic or something? It happens.

Original poster

CaulkheadNorth · 28/04/2017 16:53

Yeah maybe.

I don't usually end up in these situations and it just feels majorly uncomrotable.

OP posts:

pluck · 28/04/2017 16:55

She may have a reason and she may not, but either way someone's going to lose face if you force a confrontation, so just take care it's not you not to demand any more acknowledgement from her than a previously-unknown colleague (e.g. no more proposals to go for coffee) which she may throw back in your face. It may be that you can both interact normally if it's superficial and polite, so give that a try. Don't try to clear the air or anything: there's really no need for things to get messy over an ex-colleague whom you didn't even seem to know that well!

MadamePomfrey · 28/04/2017 17:00

Sandra dose sound ott and she definitely has an issue of some kind with you I agree with pp possibly something some one tagged you in on Facebook that offended her? Seems most likely!

What I don't see though is why you felt the need to suggest coffee with some one who blocked you then ignored you in person then by your own words was frosty!! she had made it pretty clear she didn't want to be friends so I'm not sure why you pushed with coffee??

Polite business only chat from now on and if you have an issue then talk to her line manager.

OnGoldenPond · 28/04/2017 17:02

You are the client, you should expect civility in that capacity. If you don't get that complain to her employer.

Your previous working relationship is irrelevant

RebootYourEngine · 28/04/2017 17:04

It sounds like something has happened and thinks that you are responsible. There could be so many reasons. Does she have a partner who she may think you are having an affair with? Has she always done this job or did something happen meaning that she was demoted or moved departments? Did you not like a photo or post of hers on facebook?

Original poster

CaulkheadNorth · 28/04/2017 17:07

I suggested coffee because I didn't want her to think I was doing anything other than being kind/polite etc.

I'm happy to just have polite work conversation in the future

OP posts:

Original poster

CaulkheadNorth · 28/04/2017 17:09

She's single, and has been all the time I've known her. She's late 50s so I can't imagine she would have an issue with me not liking Facebook pictures, but maybe...

OP posts:

OnGoldenPond · 28/04/2017 17:30

Don't sweat it, she is a drama queen .

But make sure she observes professional politeness

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