Weird issue with a friend - her telling people I'm pregnant

[RachaelCatWhisperer]

I wondered if this is an AIBU but I don't think I am.

A friend of mine stayed with us for a few months while we renovated a house which she now lives in. She still has some stuff in our spare room, which is soon to be baby's room.

We found out we're expecting just after Christmas and kept it secret until after 12 weeks scan. History of miscarriage and general worries so we still haven't told extended friends and will never be broadcast on Facebook etc.

After 1st scan I went round to tell her and she said "oh yeah I've known for ages, you had a bag of baby clothes in my room". She went on to say she'd come round to pick some things up, opened a bag of baby clothes which actually belong to my friend who has moved abroad, and assumed that meant we were pregnant, and instead of asking me about it rang another girl we went to uni with and told her!

I was totally taken aback and felt pretty violated but decided not to make a song and dance about it. What good would it do? She couldn't un-tell the other woman so I just said please don't tell anyone else. Everything seemed fine after, in fact she brought a gift round, and I thought that was the end of it.

Last weekend this other woman who I haven't heard from in years suddenly messaged me on Facebook to say have I had any cravings. No hello, how are you, congratulations just straight to the questions. I replied to say not everyone knows yet including some close friends so please don't tell anyone else and she replied with a really obnoxious message telling me to chill the f*ck out! Saying I've got no business being upset she's found out and what the F is the matter with me!

I also messaged the friend who lived here to say I didn't want her to tell anyone else.

Obviously the obnoxious madam has been removed from the picture, blocked on fb etc. But the weird thing is now our tenant is basically giving me the silent treatment! Like a flipping 12 year old! We went round to measure for carpet yesterday and she let us in and ran up the stairs into the shower rather than speak!

The daft thing is, I'm not even mad about her telling the other girl, as long as she doesn't tell anyone else. My mum said maybe she's embarrassed but it's really difficult.

Should I get in touch and say (politely!) I'm not going to yell at her but the silence is really upsetting? Or is this how it's going to be? If so, I think we will have to tell her to move on because I don't need the stress.

What would you do?

Ugh, this does show why it's better not to rent out to people you're friends with. They both sound really rude - I'd distance yourself from them, tbh.

Well it sounds like she'll be moving on in a few months anyway as you're moving into it?

Honestly, leave it be.

I can kinda see why uni friend got the hump tbh. It wasn't her fault she was told, she was presumably completely unaware it was a big secret and she was messaging to express an interest in a slightly socially awkward abrupt way which can probably be explained by it being years since you spoke so she got the time a bit wrong. But it was well meant.

Instead you responded by basically implying you were pissed off she knew, and insinuating she was going to blab to all and sundry. She was offended and reacted defensively.

*tone, not time

No it's a rental. She already lives in it.

The other girl literally hasn't been in touch for years. I was very careful to word it politely and say why, that being that close people don't know yet. There ways no need for the shower of abuse.

Anyway, it doesn't matter what the second girl thinks because I've binned her. Who needs that kind of attitude in their life?!

But I am upset that my friend is being like this. Maybe she is embarrassed and will be in touch eventually but if she actually did speak to me I would be saying I'm not going to have a go, just don't do it again.

imperial I wish I could! The other house is spitting distance. Definitely would never let to a friend again!

But you already told her please don't tell anyone else?

Why on earth would you say it a second time?

Elspeth, I didn't tell anyone twice. There are two different people. I'm asking for advice about how to handle the friend who is our tenant, the one who blabbed and is now giving me the silent treatment.

I'm confused, why do you need to say to your tenant that you won't yell at her?
I would just take it as a one off, maybe she felt awkward, maybe she had a bad day, maybe she needed to shower. I wouldn't make this into an issue. It's an exciting time for you, I can see it's annoying they've been told by someone other than you but it doesn't really matter

She's your tenant, you don't need to speak to her the than regarding the house to be honest.

She's behaved badly but don't let it stress you just ignore.

You can't give her notice to quit on the rent house because she's a gossip, but you can stop any further access to your spare room and privacy.