Instructive MIL & FIL??

[summerbloom]

I don't even know where to begin.... please read and help!

DH's mum and dad are driving me insane. We've been together six years and have one child together.

To the point, both MIL & FIL call far to much (IMO). FIL phonecalls around 4-5 times per day and FaceTimes once a day, wants to know where we've been, what we've bought, if we're going out, if we've been out, what the weather is like, how much this cost, how much that cost, what we've watched on TV..... DH doesn't seem to see a problem with this, I find it ridiculously intrusive. If for whatever reason he doesn't answer the phone FIL will keep ringing and texting asking him to ring back.

MIL not so bad with the phonecalls. They used to be almost once a day including a FaceTime call to DD which I feel is to much for a grandparent and was all the same things as nothing new to tell her. However, we had a bust up not long ago after I found out she'd been implying to DH to leave me when I had really bad anxiety which is disgusting IMO. Also, we live 100miles away and she's been asking to have DD for a few days overnight, I kept saying no as she's only 4 and I don't drive. So she started going behind my back and pressuring DH who seems unable to speak up to her for some reason which really upsets me as I'm getting fed up and upset yet she comes of the phone like nothing has happened.
Anyway, she said some really hurtful things a few months ago to me, all because I said she couldn't have DD overnight which literally hurts me so bad. The things said were just awful

Sick of the situation and no idea how to deal with it? Tried speaking with DH who, after MIL saying the things she said did stand up for me but recently things seem to have crept up a bit again. She's been hinting to come up in the Easter hols but I've said no, things are still to fresh. Also has more money than sense and doesn't abide by what I say about DD. Always has to go somewhere extravagant with her or buy her designer clothes and try upstage us every birthday/Christmas when DD knows she's coming she goes 'ooo, I wonder what present she'll bring me' which, IMO, is wrong, I want her to look forward to seeing her not her extensive gifts

Grrrrrr, very fed up and depressed. Anxious when the phone rings.....

WWYD?

Summer you don't have an IL problem - you have a dh problem.

You might want to ask HQ to move this thread to relationships; you'll get lots of support and advice over there

Definitely a DH problem and no wonder you have anxiety.

I would start by not answering PIL phone calls and only texting them once a day. If they question it just say that you are busy with DD.

Can you switch off the ringer on your house phone? I'd start with that.

Say you will answer one call a day only and stick to it.

Put you phone on silent and ignore chasing texts.

And no, you don't have to send your child away overnight if you don't want to. Children are not dollies to be played with.

oh my goodness how do you get anything done? that would drive me crazy. Ignore them would be my advice, expecially mum in law if she can't be civil to the mother of her grandchild. Good luck!!

Been there and I know how hard it is. I would consider telling your DH there is no way you are handing your DC over to his parents after all the pressure. As for your mil don't even bother responding. I would ignore completely and let DH answer calls. You really need DH on your side. My dp used to tell his parents everything but didnt like when it went the other way. Could never see my point or how unreasonable he was. In the end I realised it was partly his upbringing of being stuck with his parents ways so long he didn't really understand why he should change. He did eventually understand but only when his parents turned against him.

I can't believe that fil thinks it is ok to phone you so often and that your dh thinks it is ok. Is he affected by it or is he at work and you at home dealing with it?

Can you tell fil to ring dh - who will be at work and hopefully give him very short shrift and also then understand why you get annoyed by it.

I would also be sending a message to fil and mil at the start of each day to day that you will not be available to talk today so please do not waste their time trying to call and then turn off your phone if fil calls - and if he complains or says anything point out that you told him that you weren't going to be able to talk to him on the phone so he knew that you weren't going to answer so why on earth was he ringing you?

Oh and definitely think you have every right to say to mil that your dd is 4 and you don't want her to stay away from you. You don't need to have any more reason than that. Doesn't matter if she doesn't like it or agree - you are the mum and you get to say, not her.

Do we have the same inlaws?
Will be watching for good advice. Right now we are just rude and ignore them 90% of the time.

Block her number and let your dh deal with all calls. Then maybe he will realise the scale of their nutness!!
Until he is prepared to support your rightful pissedoffness they need to stay uninvited. .

I'm starting to think it's a DH problem too I'm summerbloom by the way, I namechanged for a thread. His reasoning is 'he's used to it' as his dad used to ring all the time when he was young. When we lived nearer he used to be at our door almost EVERY morning

Ginger