No RVSP, Do yo follow up?

[xStefx]

This is about Invite etiquette

Im planning my wedding. I had no idea wedding politics existed until the planning started and luckily ive managed to get through most of them without offending anyone .. PHEW

Backstory- When SIL got married (DP's sister) there were some people that didn't RVSP so SIL assumed that they weren't coming (these are cousins of DP, only see them at funerals/ weddings)
However even though they didn't RSVP some still turned up on the day (2 couples so 4 people) , obv causing a panic with SIL as the table plans were done.

It ALSO turned out a few people didn't turn up at the wedding ( 7 people who had RSVP's and said they were going) so it sort of worked out ok but could have been a nightmare.

So, coming to my invites. Ive had quite a lot of people who haven't RSVP'd, (which I think is rude) Would I be wrong to send some sort of follow on note to those people saying something like:

We have not received your RSVP and have assumed you are not able to join us on our special day. We hope you have a lovely Christmas and fantastic new year. Love ...... & ......... (our wedding is at Christmas)

Also: How do I deal with the people who said they were coming and didn't turn up? 7 of them didn't turn up to SIL and her wedding was £48 per head so that could have been over £300 wasted. Is that something I just have to suck up (I will if I have to) or should I speak to those people and ask if they are definitely coming as they didn't manage to make it to SIL's (I would try to be subtle and polite)

SIL did ask them why they didn't go and their excuses ranged from " Oh me and DP argued" and " we were a bit skint on the day" and some just didn't give a reason.

OK, I think that covers it... Thanks all

Which date is it at Christmas?

It might make a difference

I like the idea of giving best man and bridesmaids the jobs of sending them to the separate bar etc if they just turn up without confirming unless I hers don't turn up and your numbers aren't equal of course

I think it's usual to have about 5% people of people have a last minute problem - sick child, work problem etc. Worth bearing in mind.

Thankyou both , its xmas eve :-)

Crumbs that really is Christmas time I was expecting you to say 20th or 21st

Do you and your family celebrate Christmas? Or Hanukkah? Or both?

I notice that Christmas Eve is a Sunday so are you Jewish? The Jewish weddings I have been to are on Sundays and this one is after Hanukkah

How many guests have you invited?

Yes we celebrate Christmas , usually altogether ( loads of people from my family)
We have invited 85 in the day and 100 in the night , I didn't expect everyone to be able to make that date but so far everyone can, even our friends with kids seemed to be up for a xmas eve pissup :-) Luckily only a few people have to travel ( 2 hours at the most) and they are all coming home for xmas anyway ( to Wales) so the wedding on that date isn't putting them out.

Me and dp met on xmas eve , then got engaged on xmas eve. So we thought we may as well get married on xmas eve too.

Sorry I didn't answer your question , no not Jewish. I'm Welsh ( valleys) and I suppose a little bit Christian ( a smidge) lol x

Oke doke that makes sense then and rather lovely

I was just thinking that people might pull out at last minute but if everyone will be together anyway then probably not

Do you mean 85 + 15 = 100?

Rather than 85 + 100 = 185 for the night??

Yes defo 85 plus 15 :-)

It will be lovely just to have everyone in the same place at Xmas for a change x

It's usually just all my family but to have dp' s and all our friends so close to xmas altogether is what I'm looking forward too x