I messed up big time and only I know why.. I need advise

[user1490044978]

I'm not sure how to start so please bear with me...
Every relationship I have ever had has been violently abusive until I finally left my husband 3 years ago to escape that... a year later I met someone else who was totally different, made me feel safe and I just knew that whatever happened, he would never be like the others... sadly we broke up after a year and a half because the mother of his children was harassing me and him and it all became too much for us both... a couple of weeks ago I had a terrible experience, a man I know loosely did something bad to me, he hurt and took advantage of me, I brushed it to one side and accepted my blame for being in that situation.. or so I thought... I saw the man I recently broke up with 2 weeks later and we argued, I lost it, I slapped him hard a number of times because I felt threatened, I truly believe that I reacted that way because of the other thing that happened a few weeks ago.. I feel so bad, I've ruined everything, he won't talk to me now, I don't want to tell him what happened but I need him to understand that I am not the person he now thinks I am.. I'm in turmoil.. what should I do? Please help please

Could you say you are going out on an errand and make a call then?
It seems terrible you are going through all this with no support.

Heya User, is there one person in your family that you feel closer to that you could talk with?

Regarding calling Rape Crisis I have just had a nose around their website and if you go to the following link you can find a map to direct you to your local service and many of them provide an email address so you don't need to worry about being heard. www.rapecrisis.org.uk/centres.php

I'm sure your ex does care but it sounds like he has been through a somewhat difficult relationship and therefore is doing what he needs to to protect himself.

Your key priority right now is to do what you need to do to deal with what you have been through so that you can begin to heal and be the best Mum you can, and I'm sure want, to be. You have been through ever such a lot and this recent event I would imagine is impacting on your longer history of abuse.

Have you thought about visiting your gp? You could simply explain that you have recently been through a very traumatic experience and think that you might be suffering from some trauma related psychological issues that are scaring you?