Lying partner please help.

[Woozle91]

Please don't be judgemental I genuinely need some advice. My partner have been together for 3 years. I have 2 children who he is an excellent dad too. He has taken me on after I was in a very abusive relationship. I am quite damaged from that and we have all been through a lot since. However I found my partner looking at things he shouldn't have been looking at and due to my self esteem and previous situation I was so hurt. I explained how hutt I was and that I don't understand why he would feel the need to do it. We sat and had a talk and I said how I don't like that stuff and how it makes me feel. I understand men do it the issue is that he did it again after knowing how it hurt me. Since this he has been caught 4 times doing. He's gone completely out of his way to ensure he wasn't caught. I told him the third time I would leave him as it was ruining me emotionally. He gave me all the sorry, I love you, you deserve better I shouldn't of done it to you etc etc. And when we were getting a lot better he did it again. It's now not about what he's don't but about the fact he has done it, lied and knows that I could of left him and more to the point he knows how much It ruins me. He is now saying how sorry he is that he won't do it again and I'm his everything etc etc. And I can't believe a word he says I need advice asap please help. Thank you I'm advance

I just want to say I totally understand where you are coming from and how hurt and twisted up inside this makes you feel. I was in a very similar situation and I literally felt sick inside about it all. It's a horrible and very Linley feeling and I just want you to know that with all of us here to talk to you are not alone.
Sending you hugs and some flowers I know it's not much but it's all I can do from my phone 💐💐💐💐💐💐

So you're not allowed, because of his hurt feelings but he doesn't give a stuff about your feelings.
and we have a group of people saying this is normal.

I think you need to separate the hirt you have suffered from your relationship with this man. He shouldn't have to change himself because someone else has hurt you badly. I think you should work on your self esteem and not look for building your self esteem through your relationship. This way it won't matter that he does it because you are confident in yourself that he loves you etc

So its ok that he's asked the op not to as he'd have hurty feelings but when she's asked the same of him he's not stopped.
have I stepped into a parallel universe where the salt and vinegar crisps are green too?

Thank you misscherrybakeybun and stealthpolarbear. At least some people can see where I coming from. I thought I was losing the plot thinking that it's totally acceptable for him to do this and I am completely responsible for me feeling hurt by this. Yes my self esteem is shocking and I know I need help with this due to previous past and not for one minute do expect my oh to suffer for that however surely he should be accepting and supportive towards me and not have one rule for one and another for the other... or am I wrong for hoping he'd take my feelings and baggage into consideration and that I'm expecting too much from someone I'm supposed to be in a loving caring relationship?

I bought my ex a porn DVD once! Why does it bother you?! As long as it's not illegal. Keeps his machine oiled!

Oh well as long as it's not illegal.

He goes mad if another bloke looks at you?!

Oh dear. You've wandered into another abusive relationship.

whyare you so grateful he took you on - he sounds awful and you seem to have swapped one abuser for another.

It doesn't matter what someone's stance on pronouncing is, nor that other people do it. He has asked you not to do something because he would feel hurt by it, but despite all his protestations about you don't deserve it, he will stop and so on - he's carrying on, even though you asked him to stop, and you've done the same for him. In effect, he's showing you his feelings are important, but yours count for nothing, and it would be just the same if it were over looking at new shoes or borrowing library books or buying a coffee. He should not be asking you to stop doing something he won't stop himself, and he should not be ignoring your feelings.

The fact it is porn may bring in a whole load of other feelings around different sex and consent, and they should not be ignored, but I think the essential issue is that he doesn't give a damn about what you think and feel - and that should be a top consideration in a relationship. I agree with others who say he sounds like an abuser.

For pronouncing, please read porn. Bloody autocorrect. :-)

To be honest, it doesn't really matter what it is that he did that you don't like. You explained to him the first time how much it hurts you that he looks at it, and he has gone on to do this four or five more times, despite you telling him at some point that once more would be the end of the relationship.

It's clear he's not going to stop. He doesn't care that it hurts you, and he doesn't think you'll follow through on your ultimatum to finish it. He's only sorry when he's been caught; he's not sorry about how his actions make you feel. That says quite a lot about his true feelings for you, and his priorities.

I think you need to decide whether you can honestly turn a blind eye to this. If not, he needs to go.

Sorry.

Thank you all so much for your replies. The end replies are very much how I have interpreted it all. I don't know how to deal with this at all. It's just lie and lie and I feel stupid I've walked into it again!! But I feel better knowing that I am thinking the way I should be thank you.

A lot of men are addicted to porn as it works in certain receptors of the brain just like drugs do. It's also easier than actual sex and helps get a release of stress very quickly. So he probably can't help himself.

There has been another thread very recently about porn.

You will find a lot of posters answering to say porn is fine.
People confuse porn with masturbating and conclude porn is essential.
I am not one.

The main thing is that you don't like it.

I believe all men watch porn too but I do understand that this in your eyes is about him not considering your feelings.
If I did something that I wanted to do but didn't need to do that hurt my partner to the point of tears because of trauma then I wouldn't need asking twice not to do it again.
You are probably actually making it more forbidden though and that might make him want to watch it more