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Original poster

AIBU 16yo DS getting lifts with friends?

16 replies

DahlsChickens · 13/02/2017 19:43

The first of my 16yo DS's friends has recently passed his driving test and has offered to take my DS to the cinema in a town about 3 miles away. AIBU to say no? I have vivid memories of somewhat reckless driving with my friends at that age and numerous near misses. I just feel his friend needs more experience (he passed three weeks ago). Obviously DS thinks I'm unreasonable and being overly cautious. What do you think?

OP posts:
43percentburnt · 13/02/2017 19:49

It's difficult, the problem with saying no is he may well do it anyway (I would have at 16).

Dd is 17, her black box means she has to drive carefully or risk her insurance being cancelled, a perfect score means a hefty premium reduction next year. Her and her friends are always checking their scores! Worryingly she says P plates caused older drivers to drive like twats (overtaking her in a 30 area whilst she was doing 30). She removed the P plates.

Sparklingbrook · 13/02/2017 19:50

Well if he has passed his driving test (and theory) he has been deemed a competent driver. Plus you can't judge everyone by your own standards. how long do you want your DS to wait?

3 miles away isn't that far. Is it all motorway or something?

TheFairyCaravan · 13/02/2017 19:55

I think YWBU to say no.

Both our two passed their tests at 17, as did most of their mates. DS1 took DS2 out right from the get go. I did worry a little bit, but never, ever said no he couldn't do it.

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Original poster
DahlsChickens · 13/02/2017 19:57

It's unlit lanes. I'm happy to agree I may be being a bit neurotic. I have looked up statistics for deaths of men aged 5-19 and it's traffic accidents at the top. May not be helping myself...

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 13/02/2017 20:03

Stop looking up statistics. What happens when your DS passes his test?

PUGaLUGS · 13/02/2017 20:04

It's difficult isn't it.

However if it was your son that had passed his test would you say he couldn't give lifts to his friends?

DS1 can drive and used my car until he went to Uni but drove DS2 places for me, didn't really go out socialising. DS2 now gets lifts with his friends and hopefully will be able to reciprocate in a couple of weeks after his test.

Original poster
DahlsChickens · 13/02/2017 20:06

I don't have a problem with him alone in a car. I just worry that with friends they may get distracted or daft. I guess I'll have to let him sooner or later but I was hoping to get a year or so out of the way too. Wishful thinking!

OP posts:
IveAlreadyPaid · 13/02/2017 20:09

It is worrying but my son's friends seem to be very sensible.

Also ds says that at a road safety thing at school they were taught that if they were scared by somebody's driving then to say they are going to be sick.

BackforGood · 13/02/2017 20:54

How well do you know the friend?
Is it just your ds and the driver, or 4 of them going?
How well do they know the route?

Original poster
DahlsChickens · 13/02/2017 21:02

I thought it was just him and a friend, but now it turns out they're picking up another lad as well. I don't think he knows the route that well because he's only been driving for three weeks.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 13/02/2017 21:28

When you pass your test you should be able to drive any route. The two passengers can help with navigation. Just because he has never driven that route before doesn't mean he shouldn't.

I do think you need to sort out your feelings about this before your own DS starts driving.

DS1 passed his test in January. I want him to go out and about in the car now otherwise what's the point?

I can't lie-I am happy when he gets back but he needs to get experience.

Original poster
DahlsChickens · 14/02/2017 06:43

OK. I'm going to take a deep breath, calm down and let him go. Another parenting lesson learnt! Thanks for all the advice.

OP posts:
Crumbs1 · 14/02/2017 06:48

Ours were not allowed in cars of people who had less than a years driving experience. The risks are so high for child drivers and increase exponentially with every teen passenger.

Sparklingbrook · 14/02/2017 06:52

How did that work Crumbs? Do you know for a fact they didn't? At 18 they are adults.

Original poster
DahlsChickens · 14/02/2017 14:44

Crumbs, that was going to be my thing. I think in Australia new drivers can't have passengers under 21 with them for a year after they pass their test and it seems kind of sensible to me. Passing your test is one tag, but experience is invaluable and getting that experience without be ing distracted by your mates in the car seems a good idea.
I've told him he can go now but he's texting me when he gets there and texting me when he leaves so I'm not stressing for too long!

OP posts:
Crumbs1 · 14/02/2017 18:27

Yes pretty sure the girls and one son didn't. Other son maybe occasionally as a tendency to risk taking. Given we live where there is no transport other than parents, we could be fairly sure most of time. They werent allowed cars at school. They wouldn't have had much opportunity and we always knew where they were and who they were with. We trust them. They have seen close friends killed or suffer life changing accidents so knew were were telling truth. They learned to drive and become confident without the distractions of other children.

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