Presents from in-laws - am I ungrateful?

[scruffmacduff]

Not sure if I am being ungrateful with regards to this or if it is the norm.

When it comes to birthdays or Christmas, my parents will buy presents for my DH that cost the same as the presents that they buy for myself or my brother.

My MIL has 4 children and 2 are married. At Christmases and birthdays she spends a lot of money on her children (my DH etc) but on my birthday/Xmas I am given something that has obviously cost very much less.

The presents are also always very odd and never wrapped/don't come with a card. The presents for my DH always are.

It was my birthday recently and I received something that is very practical but not really something that you would buy for a birthday (a fabric organizer for the inside of a wardrobe, ikea job).

I realise this sounds extremely materialistic as I read this back and it's not the value of the presents that is upsetting me, more that she obviously feels that I am second class or not worth as much as her own children (especially when my own parents treat their children/children in-law equally in this respect).

After this last present I actually feel that she mustn't like me very much at all.

Is this 'etiquette' and I am being on overly sensitive or is the way my parents do things correct? Thanks!

It is more that the present isn't thought out or wrapped rather than how much it costs.

I completely get that he is her son and I am not her child (and an adult!) - as previous posters have said, obviously I am just used to what my parents do!

Yes - she does hand me unwrapped gifts and say 'this is for your birthday'. I haven't asked DH.

Perhaps letting DH deal with his presents is the way to go.

I accept that my parents are maybe unusual and just let it go. Thanks for the input everybody - has given me a bit of perspective

Yes the unwrapped bit is odd!

My sil does this and it's not the present, it's the thought. She spends no more than £3 on me, I don't mind her wanting to spend only £3 on me, her money her choice, but it's the things she buys, mostly from the M&S value range. Random picture frames, icecube blocks I'm really not a difficult person to buy for, I'd be more than happy with a bar of chocolate.

She's started doing strange things with the DC's presents too and it's driving me crazy. She asks what she can buy them and I say, oh they love Lego at the moment. She got them playmobile. Not a problem, they loved the playmobile too! We went through 3 or 4 Christmas's with palymobile, despite me saying Lego and then I switched and said, oh they love the playmobile you've been getting them, love and behold she bought Lego for the next birthday
She's a strange one.

She also gave dh an extra Christmas present, not a problem, I really don't care, but she handed it over saying you need to read the note aloud, so he did. It said something along the lines of "to my baby brother, because you will always be my baby brother here's something extra special from me to you" it was very cringeworthy and she bought something she knew I had bought him (she knew because she asked me before she bought it)
Luckily dh knows she's bat shit mental too.

notanother that is batshit! I shall consider myself lucky

My mum spends more on me than my oh( admittedly he I'd hard to buy for) and she really adores him. But it just sounds like your ils are a but insular, and not used to including other people.
Don't think to much into it.

I think it's the lack of reciprocity that hurts, IMHO anyway. You ensure she gets what she wants, on time and nicely wrapped. You, not your DH. But there is neither reciprocity of thought/ time/ money back to you, only your DH.

As I said upthread though, the only way for things to be on a more even footing is for you to stop putting the present-buying effort in for her and your DH to take over that task.

It's funny as my SIL and I always laugh about how we get given a gift voucher for our birthdays from the in laws yet our husbands get a cheque ( larger amount) that they are told is to be spent on something for the house. So effectively I do better than my husband as my voucher is for me to treat myself with . We always said that SIL and I are the daughters they didn't have.

I'd be really upset about the not wrapping / no card though OP

Totally get it OP.

My parents always ask me what they should get OH. They always buys him something he likes and appreciates.

On the other hand, MIL (who always orders what she wants for birthdays and xmas) never ask OH what to get me. Instead she makes a big show of saying what nice presents she gets me but it's all very very cheap stuff or old stuff or fake stuff!!

She made a big show of saying how she got me designer lipstick but it's was a cheap ass fake one. Of course, FIL doesn't know And as far As he is concerned MIL is very generous towards me and I'm just 'difficult'.

For xmas she gave me a Chanel no5 body cream and said it's because how I always say how much I love her perfume every time she wears. Lying piece of shit! I hope she burns in hell one day. I took the cream to the shop and the lady in Chanel told me that it's either a fake Or super old due to the very old and different type of batch number on it.

I never say anything to her as I feel id be damned if I do and damned if I don't. I just say thank you and curse her afterwards. If u say anything, she's just going to make u look materialistic.

You are not her daughter, she doesn't consider u family, ignore her. But I totally get how u feel. Makes me really upset how I get treated so from one DIL to another, big hug to you.

Ovenchips is spot on for me and my sil, I spend the time finding her the perfect gift, helping our DC write in her card while dh does nothing and gets all the glory! (He's very clear with her that I've done it all, but she doesn't listen, doesn't care, it's all thank you dh, it's perfect dh, you always get me the loveliest presents dh. While he's saying actually notanother bought it, wrapped it and remembered to bring it today) while she nips into m&s during her lunch break and buys the closest thing to hand...Literally.
I think I may not put the effort in this year and see what happens. Dh couldn't care less, she's a bitch and has burnt her bridges there, but she's childless and past the menopause, she's always wanted children so I try and keep the peace so she can have a relationship with the DC. But she's more of a Facebook auntie than a real auntie. (she's also 10 years older than dh and more like a mil than sil)