How to handle unwanted invitations from ds friends mum

[ieffinglovecacti]

After some gentle advice please. Met a new friend through ds who regularly invites us to play dates at their house, trips out etc. Like three or four times a week. On paper it sounds lovely, but this friendship is draining. I have anxiety and food issues so really struggle outside of my comfort zone, so am keen that ds (2.5) socialises, but as time has gone on I have found this 'friend' to be quite rude, overbearing, and obnoxious. Her ds is nice, so my boy is happy, but the second we get to the play dates the criticism of me starts. According to her I'm always late (I'm generally not, and pride myself on this, there was one time when ds needed a nappy change and I had to arrive 5 mins late), I look tired all the time, I need to wear make-up, how do I stay so 'skinny', why am I not married, etc etc. All these things are delivered with a lovely passive aggressive tinkly laugh, if I try to defend myself, which I find very, very hard, it falls on deaf ears and she's on to the next thing. Repeat ad nauseum every time. Happens even when we're with other people, they get to hear all about how rubbish I am generally while I'm sat there. It's not just criticism, she probes me about my private life, or tries to, I am a private person so I don't appreciate this at all. It's like she's sensed that I am emotionally weaker than her and takes some kind of pleasure in this? I know I need to grow some and stand up for myself but for me any conflict is excruciating, and I'd love some advice on how to handle future invitations. I don't see any way out of this friendship in the next couple of years as the boys are at nursery and some activities together. I dread seeing her now and even losing sleep over it.

I remembered there's a mum in our circle who is a little like this last night.

She's really upset a couple of people. She also started taking advantage of another friend in an over baring way. This friend had to go nc for a while, which did get through (as I got the constant questions about it for a year).

I think it's quite common, but it's also hard for someone else to 'get' it if they've not experienced it.

Sorry, I'm late replying here. You're really not alone in dealing with this sort of thing - I've known it quite a few times and find it fascinating and also quite astounding that people can be so insensitive to others feelings. I know it can be hard to deal with and I've found it gets harder the longer it goes on for - for me, it's like getting stuck in a little box and not being able to break out!
I think it helps to have a few phrases up your sleeve and often, the shorter the better. Words like 'wow' and 'ouch' and 'awkward' can be really helpful I think.
Also, being much less available and genuinely busy definitely helps.
And reassure yourself. Remind yourself regularly of your worth. You deserve to feel good!