My 3yr old still can't self settle at night and won't stay in his own bed

[joseyjo79]

So, I know that I am probably the reason for DS2 not sleeping on his own at night, but selfishly (DH says) I've chosen sleep for the last three years. It goes deeper than this for me though.

On the flip side DS1 would hold your hand for a few minutes before he drifted off to sleep when he was about 2 and no longer needed any help by 3 and always slept in his own bed.

Ds2 is the opposite. For some back story, he was Prem as he hadn't been growing properly and then we found out he had hypospadious so has had a series of operations and still has one to go. He was BF and I worked out with him how to feed lying down so he was a co-sleeper. As most mums might, I think it's my fault he was prem and had growth problems in the womb, so this could be why I'm fine with him co-sleeping.

DH is now insisting that we just leave him to cry one night and he'll soon learn that he can self settle! I have a massive issue with this, but don't know what to do next.

Any advice would be great.

We lay with our 5 year old too she's asleep and she stays out in her own bed all night.

Our 2.5 year we also pay with but she gets up every night and clambers in to our bed.

We also "chose sleep" over creating the habit. Sometimes I wish bedtime didn't take so long and that dc2 would stay in their own bed but at the same time I also treasure having a snuggle with my little people. Maybe we're too soft but it's not yet a problem for us so I guess we'lol just continue as-is.

I also bf laying down and co-slept.

I'd say don't worry about it unless it's actually a problem for you all. However if it is something you want to change, I'd recommend the 'gradual retreat' method.

We've tried the gradual retreat method and it worked until we were out the door and then he just calls and calls for us again.

You're right though, it will end one day. Maybe I'm just not ready to do it now.

I wouldn't do sleep training with him, especially if he's got to go through another operation. It sounds like he's been through a lot and just isn't ready to sleep by himself just yet.
He will do one day!
I also do whatever is easiest to get sleep.

Don't think that it's your fault for him not sleeping on his own either.