Last year for a milestone birthday of ds1; my ex in laws sent him diary extracts of theirs' from his childhood. It started off with cute stuff he'd said & I thought it seemed a really nice idea. Anyway, as it went on it started to become more dubious when it came to the point where exH & I broke up. Lots of entries like "daddy has been left in terrible debt by mummy" -with words like "debt"& "mummy" highlighted in bold & later" mummy has been lying to daddy"-When I told him I was seeing somebody and another entry, recounting a phone conversation I remember very well, "daddy is a bit upset tonight, because mummy has been saying cruel things" -This particular conversation I had told him that there was no hope of us ever getting back together and I asked him if he even remembered forcing me into a termination at 16 weeks, because he'd changed his mind retrospectively about a 2nd child.
He was extremely abusive towards me; sexually violent, financially and emotionally abusive.
Sorry I'm rambling. The point is, all through ds's childhood I would drive to meet ex in laws whenever they requested it, had them in my house when they came to take ds on holiday a couple of times, always smiley and friendly and always assumed that, as they were making arrangements with me themselves, they realised their son was a bit shit.
ExDH has never contributed a penny to ds's upbringing, in fact I had to pay off a debt he built up on the old dormant (I thought) joint account a few years after we separated, he sold some brand new games I bought for ds one Xmas & told him they were damaged in a flood!
I left exdh taking my son with me, I left him and started a (very part time) relationship with a man at work (dh)- I have never disputed this and ds knows this. I left him in the house we had bought together as he wouldn't leave it. I have been content to be the bad guy on the basis that it must surely have become clear over the years that this wasn't the full story- exdh still getting himself into debt by buying himself the latest gadgets and no money for birthday & Xmas presents for ds etc.
My parents & ex PILs don't know about the termination, they don't know that I found out (after we were married) exdh was having a "relationship" with my sister, which caused her a lot of trauma. -she was 12 or 13 when this started. I was 17 when she told me and I did nothing as ExH managed to convince us both that coming clean would ruin ds's life.
What PILs do know is that I was a 14 year old girl who came into their house, they know that I was pregnant at 15 and had a termination, that I was pregnant again at 16, with my much wanted ds.
I wrote to them after the diary thing to say that they had no idea what went on in the marriage that I thought they must be aware that their son had never made any financial contribution towards ds's upbringing and that I had never told ds this.
The last few months I have really wobbled because of this after years of putting everything behind me, surviving, coping, having a lovely and settled life with my dh & dcs. It's opened everything up again and I cannot believe they have been so stupid; if ds gets married it's going to be so awkward for him; he was really embarrassed about the diary and hasn't really seen anyone from that side of his family since.-WWYD?