Friend's husband being rude to me

[Digitaldolly]

Have known friend and her husband for 4 yrs now. Recently he's started making little digs every time he sees me. Would you say something? To him or her? I would just avoid him but they tend to be joined at the hip.

Is she there when he does it? I'd pull him up on it and ask him if he has an issue?

have you tried the 'did you mean to be so rude?' line followed by a hard stare?

What sort of digs?

About my job, appearance, today abput my husband, it's very subtle, done in a joking way. I need to do the 'do you mean to be so rude' don't I.

Or just "please explain/elaborate" or "why are you saying that?"

Can you arrange to see her on her own?

I really don't like my best friend's partner and successfully manage to avoid him most of the time. Even when I do see him I don't make much of an effort as I find him rude and arrogant. Bit of a shame as she's lovely.

He fancies you.

I don't like the sound of this, especially if it's come out of the blue and he's not always spoken to you like this. He's probably grating on something you have unintentionally said or done.You need to nip this in the bud and the only way to do this is to confront him. I'm presuming your friend is out of earshot because no way on this earth would I let my DH disrespect my friend. I'd bypass her and go straight to the horses mouth, the odds are he will deny it or say something like you're too soft, too sensitive, you're overreacting.Either way, you standing up for yourself should modify his behaviour.

I've had years of people thinking they can say what they want to me and speak to me in a derogatory way, I don't know what's made me suddenly challenge any little thing that narks me, but it feels mighty fine when I get things off my chest. I should of done it years ago.

"Why'd you say that?"

Or, if you want to keep it light and fun,

"Why the fuck would you say that?" In the nicest way.

I'm sorry X, I know you're coming from a good place but you and I have a very different sense of humour and I'm not sure if you've noticed... But I don't find your jokes funny. I've tried, but they just come across as little digs to me.

He can't really tell you to lighten up or you've taken it the wrong way, because you're acknowledging both and asking him to stop nonetheless.

And if he does try saying it... Yes X, I've just said that I'm sure it's just your sense of humour but also let you know it doesn't have its intended effects and it's actually hurting my feelings. And I'm asking you to stop. Now if you wish to carry on regardless, then I guess I was wrong about your intentions.

I know a couple like this & I am quietly fading them out because of it.

He fancies you

What a load of rubbish, I guess you're thinking along the lines of telling little girls if a boy is horrible to them it's because he likes them? That's a really sexist ridiculous idea that implies you should put up with abuse from people who love you and it's nonsense

Sooperdooper wowzer! Check your extrapolation!!!

I didnt say or imply that ANYONE should ever tolerate abuse, and your stupid "guess" is miles off.

I pointed out that this might explain his behaviour, not justify it. Do you often jump to ridiculous unrelated assumptions? And there's nothing sexist about it either! Go give yoyr head a big wobble.

A former friend of DH's was like this with me. I'd known him for years and he was always a bit rude to me but it was on the edge of banter and because I gave as good as I got, I pretty much ignored it for some time. For reasons best known to him, he started to escalate until it was completely unacceptable, plus he started slagging me off to DH.

I tried to speak to him and DH told him in no uncertain terms that we wouldn't tolerate it. He continued being nasty (comments about my personality, appearance, general obnoxiousness) so DH told him that if he wasn't man enough to sort out any issue he had with me, he could FRO.

If I was the OP, I'd pull him up a couple of times on his rudeness, then if he continues, cut him off and explain to your friend that you won't see him any longer.

Next time he makes a snide comment just calmly and politely but in a deadpan way respond with
" you still trying to appear like you have a sense of humour cause your getting it all wrong mate " smile wryly while looking him directly in the eye so he feels awkward and change the subject or walk away

Your friend must notice, does she pretend not to?

Pretend you didn't hear and ask him to repeat it. And the just rai your eyebrows and ignore. Every time does it

Do you think it's his sense of humour and he just feels familiar with you?

My husband has a tendency to stray into this territory, and gets a rocket up his arse for his troubles, which keeps him in check, but he seems to think he's just making a joke, where as I think jokes at others expense are not funny and not ok.

One thing that does work is doing it back. So if he says something about your top, say yup, but your trousers are worse, what were you thinking. In my experience they only find it funny when it's not about them. As in they can give it but can't take it.