Bridesmaid dilemma

[maryellie]

Long story short, got engaged, chose my bridesmaids. Then my step niece who I rarely see or talk to asks why she isn't a bridesmaid over dinner in front of all the family, and i I tried to think quick and said I can't afford it so she said okay, I'll pay for myself?! It's getting to me more and more the closer we get to the wedding?! What can I do

Say to her "I only wanted X number of bridesmaids, and I've chosen them already. There are lots of people who I couldn't ask who I would have loved to have been a bridesmaid, but unfortunately I had to draw the line somewhere. We are looking forward to having all our friends and family with us to help celebrate the day, though"

She has already invited and involved herself in my hen do and my sister isn't helping.. overly nice and including her in everything even when I say not too! Also I have a fear her parents would be really annoyed and not come to the wedding. Am I being selfish?

Why don't you want her?

She isn't a very nice person and I would consider her as a close friend or family member... when I've visioned my wedding she just wasn't in it

Wouldnt*

OP has said my step niece who I rarely see or talk to just tell her things are all ready organised. Not that it matters how old is she?

Bold fail!!

She is 18, what do you mean by bold fail?

What did you say after she said, OK, I'll pay for myself? If you said OK then, you've agreed and if you've now changed your mind you will have to tell her so and there will be fall out. How near is the wedding? If it's near and bridesmaid dresses are bought, I think it's too late to sack her.

If you didn't agree at the time, you haven't bought the bridesmaid dresses and the wedding is a good way off, then you need to be brave and just tell her straight and any argument she comes back with just keep going saying no so that when the conversation is finished she is in no doubt that she is not going to be your bridesmaid.

Well, you need to have a think about what is worse: involving her and the wedding not being as envisioned, or not involving her and having a family fall-out as a result?

Could you give her another job (doing a reading, signing the register...) that isn't as prominent as bridesmaid, but still part of the wedding?

When you say step-niece, do you mean sisters stepdaughter?

She's an adult, you're not close, just tell her you've already chosen who you're having.

Just say no, sorry - you've already chosen the people you want.

Is it because she's prettier than you?

"Bold fail" was because tallulah tried to make the quote she posted to appear in bold by she failed. fail instead of fail

but not by

Yes I am a bit confused by the term step-niece too.

What did you reply when she said she'd pay for herself...?

She's either your niece or your sisters step daughter no such thing as a step niece.