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Original poster

Ungrateful gift recipients

43 replies

Apfelbunny · 29/12/2016 18:43

I'll spare the tedious details, but would appreciate advice on how to handle this.
We bought a relative and his wife a gift for their new baby for Christmas and also something fun for the couple - like they asked us to do and as we do annually.
After they leave, we are told by family we stayed with that the gift for the baby was unsuitable and they hadn't liked the fun gift and we're upset we hadn't put any thought into it - we had actually put a lot of thought and effort into the gifts but that's not the point, the relative we stayed with asked us what we had done to rectify the situation (as they were offended on the couple's behalf )we said we'd texted an apology, however that wasn't deemed good enough and we're basically expected to buy more appropriate gifts...

Now, maybe I'm in the wrong here, but if I get something I don't like/want/need I say thank you and just don't use it or give it to someone who does want it, I don't say anything to the person who gave it.

So, what do we do now? Apologise again, buy something else? Or am I being just as bad for getting offended by the gifts being badly received?

OP posts:

HunterHearstHelmsley · 29/12/2016 19:24

I'm guessing it's your sibling and the relative is your mother!

Original poster

Apfelbunny · 29/12/2016 19:24

Msgameandwatch - at least I know what not to get you for a gift!
We liked the bear and it looked special in a nice way and a lot of care and thought went into it. The castle wasn't cheap and we thought they'd be able to enjoy doing it with their other kids too and have some quality time with it. They said something cheap for baby (bear wasnt exactly cheap) and for them something 'daft' for a tenner (castle cost more but otherwise fitted the brief)
The couple are brother in law and his missus and staying with mil. So can't really not give them gifts without causing more problems.

OP posts:

Yoarchie · 29/12/2016 19:26

You can suggest child only gifts, none for adults.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Christmas General shopping

Original poster

Apfelbunny · 29/12/2016 19:27

Janey, we forgot to put their name on the envelope so it got opened. We hadn't written down the names of all their kids but wrote 'the kids' instead as bil used to have a sense of humour. Didn't realise how important the wording would be on a card that would get recycled a week later...

OP posts:

SpotTheDuck · 29/12/2016 19:30

Tbh....I think those are unsuitable gifts, and I can imagine saying to my mum that they were odd/inappropriate.

I wouldn't give a second hand toy to a young baby (or a handmade one, if it doesn't have a CE label stating it's suitable from birth then I wouldn't trust it to be safe. Plus parents with other children and a new baby probably have zero time or energy to be colouring in a cardboard house.

It sounds here like the problem is the stirring relative who is passing on the complaint/asking you to correct it, rather than the gift recipients themselves. If I'm reading this right, they thanked you and moved on. The relative is being rude, but I wouldn't take that out on the couple by stopping gifts, it's not really that out of order for them to say something to or in front of a relative about the gifts being weird, not expecting that comment to be passed on.

Original poster

Apfelbunny · 29/12/2016 19:40

Well, we thought if the bear wasn't suitable they could sit it on a shelf, our youngest is a few weeks younger than their daughter and we've been bought a toy that isn't baby safe so I'm saving it until it's more suitable.

Personally, any bonding time as a family is priceless to me and my family so I thought it would be fun, but apparently the bil's missus got stroppy saying her 6yr old already has too many colouring things (pervious years havery seen things like a sporty spoiler for their people carrier being well received, and as well as family bonding we thought the bil who is fairly tall would get amusement from sitting in it to watch tv)
They were annoyed because we hadnt put any thought into their gifts, especially as they didn't follow the brief we followed (that they set) and bought sensible things.

Heck, the 'daft' bit for us from them was an impossible many pieced jigsaw which with a baby and a 3yr old I definitely don't have time to do, but we saw the funny side so I'm not about to complain about it.

OP posts:

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 29/12/2016 20:28

They sound like quite nice presents to me. Your family on the other hand are rude entitled twats. Please text your Mil back to say that you are both offended at their entitled ungrateful attitude and will most certainly not be buying more gifts, not now or in the future. See how quickly she gets back to the brother in law to admonish him for offending you.

Original poster

Apfelbunny · 29/12/2016 21:09

The weird thing is, they're probably worse off financially than we are - and we're not exactly rolling in it (hence the budget set for the daft present).
I get the impression if we let on we were offended they wouldn't hear about it from the in laws, and we certainly wouldn't get an apology.

OP posts:

ChanandlerBongsNeighbour · 29/12/2016 21:25

Nothing wrong with those gifts imo, particularly given the 'brief!'. They are spectacularly crass and ungrateful (either that or the middle man is stirring!!!).

Original poster

Apfelbunny · 29/12/2016 21:31

I think it's a bit of both...the mil didn't have to tell us twice how much offense the gifts caused...

OP posts:

Original poster

Apfelbunny · 30/12/2016 11:24

It's occurred to me that to avoid sounding hypocritical I should say 'thanks for the replies, it's helped my ranty brain'

OP posts:

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 30/12/2016 11:29

Okay, the presents you chose are pretty weird however they're being very rude.

Don't bother next year. Just brush it off with a 'we clearly misunderstood your tastes' and stop doing gifts.

Imbroglio · 30/12/2016 11:34

I'm stunned that anyone would complain to a mutual relative about presents unless they were very thoughtless and inappropriate, eg alcohol for someone who is in recovery. Or mean spirited in some way.

The castle sounds fab. I'd have loved it. Better than plastic tat that ends up in landfill.

Original poster

Apfelbunny · 30/12/2016 14:23

True, at least when they chuck it in the bin it won't still be around in a hundred or so years...think if they're just going to waste my money I'll donate something to a charity instead.

OP posts:

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 30/12/2016 14:26

Urgh tell me about it OP. My BIL (who is a cunt at the best of times) returned nearly all his family gifts telling us why they were unsuitable and some of Behalf of his children too. Not getting him anything again.

RosyWilliams · 30/09/2017 15:32

Aw bloody hell :( I've been given some stuff in my time that I'd never use and that I've passed on to friends or whatever but I'm never rude.
I'd hate to think that a gift I'd thought about and given to someone hoping they'd like it was not treated with respect. Any time someone spends money and time on me and my family I'm always so grateful.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 30/09/2017 15:50

A few years ago everyone seemed to be having babies, I was buying new born stuff constantly, I went to a dinner party at a friends and a friend of a friend was expecting so I took a pack of F&F baby vests and bibs as a token gift. She was very unhappy with my gift and they all got into a conversation about how shitty it was people buying supermarket clothes rather than Joules or Gap etc. They were all first timers then, few years on and a lot more kids later I still bring this up at gatherings they are all horrified at how they were. I'm now buying those babies 18th bday gifts! (Tesco vouchers),,

FuzzyOwl · 30/09/2017 16:04

I think the text apology was sufficient. The correct etiquette was for them to say thank you and to then send to a charity shop and for your MIL to have stayed out of it. At least you can, completely guilt free, tell them all exactly what you think of any future gifts they buy you that you dislike!

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