This is my first post as I've reached a point where I don't know what to do. I will try to keep it short while not leaving get out details.
I'very been together with my wife for 12 years, married for 8 years and have twin daughters just turned 4 who are the best thing ever to happen in my life but since my wife fell pregnant our relationship has turned destructive, she had a rough pregnancy and the girls were born early and spent 3 months in icu which was hard.
I was working full time and after the girls came home I had a lot of hours to make up for and my wife gave up work to look after the girls. I have always done everything I can around the house cooking cleaning looking after the kids.
After 2 years my wife was struggling being at home and wanted to go back to work at the same time I was made redundant and went from working 6 sometimes 7 days a week 14 hour days at the end to being at home. My wife was offered a job the day my job ended and she really needed it so I agreed I would stay at home with the girls. I take care of the house, cook, clean and look after our girls it's been a year now.
Pretty much since the girls were born she turned on me, no matter how much I worked imitation wasn't earning enough money for her, when I was working 14 hour days I wasn't at home enough, we went from being a happy affectionate couple to strangers. Since I have been at home she puts me down and says a real man would be at work but she was the one who wanted me at home. I do everything going she asks and it's never enough. Now she's working the money in our joint account is her money but when I was working that was hers as well. When things don't go her way she screams and shouts threatens divorce, if she has to spend any time at home as a family she is very short tempered with our children and often just takes off and I have no idea where or when she's heading back which isn't an issue just a worry. I don't socialise, go to the pub etc.. but she does but always complains she never gets time to herself yet she does all the time. When the arguments start she always says I'm useless and I don't do anything like bringing up our children constantly housework and cooking etc is nothing. She says when she was at home everything was perfect and I did nothing for her but I did most of the housework and worked at the same time as she couldn't cope. After years of constant put downs and her conversations that always start "of you were a real man" I had a minI breakdown with anxiety which according to her is not a real condition it's an excuse for weak minded people. So now she has that to bully me with. Everything on this planet is my fault she looks down on me as I'm not a real man not good enough. If I try to leave she says so what but then rings me that I have to be there everyday to take care of the kids which means I can't work to pay for somewhere to live.
I keep trying so hard but it's never enough for her and she always hard done by yet I get nothing from the relationship no love affection no respect. Nothing is off limits to her and what she says if I argue back to stand up for myself she then turns it around forgetting that she started screaming and shouting in terms first place. My whole life is doing what she asks and then getting in trouble for doing just that. The only thing that keeps me going is that my girls are so good and stable but I worry this will affect them if it hasn't already. When Thier mother says they should marry for money and not low earner like Thier dad it worries me because I would rather they grow up being strong and independent, have a good career and not need to rely on a man for money.
I know deep down that the only way forward is to leave but I don't want to leave my girls, I've offered that she leaves and I stay but she says no.
Today she woke up in a mood sat on the sofa until lunch then went out without a word and came back a few hours later and started shouting about how useless I am. She didn't take the kids with her so I had them to look after and she said I was at home doing nothing... is this normal? Is this what happens when kids come along??