WWYD about this

[FuckDaddyPig]

Hi. Ill tell it all as not to drip feed. Me and my partner sat down n had a couple of beers last night he wanted to go up for some "cuddles". From the very beginning the dog was up and down and my 11month old was waking up every 20 minutes or so, so we had to keep stopping plus he is a little drunk (he cant handle drink). Anyway im feeling a little awkward and not able to get into it as you can imagine kids/dogs. So I say to him im not really feeling this, could we stop and try another night? He said ok went to the loo then came back lay down with his back to me and went to sleep.
Get up this morning and im about to walk out of the door for the school run when he comes down. Starts spouting off that I dont love him or care about him I went to sleep on him last night and told him to "get off" apparently, I didn't! It took me a couple of minutes to pluck up the courage to tell him I wasn't feeling it as he becomes quite temperamental about sex and didn't want him huffing about it which I told him again this morning, nice and calmly i cant be doing with another row! So because my reaction is calm hes saying I dont care, im trying to let him know I must get the girls to school on time we'll talk when i get back. Starts getting nasty about things like my friend, my postnatal depression, my sexual abuse etc. Oh and then because I started to walk out of the door he shouted a few things then called me a slg! I have 3 children with this man and have been with him for many years. Maybe slg has a different meaning now . I walked the kids to school with tears in my eyes again.

Two weeks ago I was sitting in our cupboard feeling very suicidal im going through a hard time at the moment currently on the waiting list for counselling as I have P.T.S.D, depression from childhood.
I dont even know what im here asking but I feel very lost and alone, this is a regular occurrence for us if he doesn't get what he wants especially sex. Help! I feel im in an abusive relationship there is so much more! , please be gentle. Im lost....

When I got back from school I got a half hearted sorry. A stiff cuddle, then he carried on about how I made HIM feel and that I don't care about his feelings, I get this all the time! He has more tantrums than the kids.

Why on earth are you with this man who tried to bully you into having sex? He's sounds vile drunk or sober. And why was he half cut on a Tuesday evening?!

Um. This isn't the behaviour of a loving husband who understands your issues and supports you. This is the behaviour of a spoilt brat who has kicked off because he didn't get his own way. I think deep down you know what's going on here.

I'm sorry that you're having such a shit time and that you have what appears to be a shit husband.

How would he react if you asked him to leave?

Um.... he said nasty things about your past sexual abuse??

He called you a slag?

Sounds nasty. Does he have good points?

I do know whats going on but im too weak to know what to do. Everytime I try to end it he says ill fuck the kids up. Or its only a little thing, why would you do this to our family. Or I will go..... in a few days. But always starts grovelling and bring super nice etc. He always drinks most nights ive asked him not to so much but I dont think he can! He gets "bored"

He tells me to leave if I want to end it. I have a low sexdrive atm due to the anri depressants im on and flashbacks which ive also explained to him but no still I dont love nor want him when its been a while. Tbh im starting to think that maybe true. How can u love and want someone who is so vile and nasty. He's spat in my face in arguments before about 4 times now in 7 years. I think he is very manipulating and ALWAYS thinks he knows best.

Nope no good points anymore

He's abusive and sounds like an alcoholic too. (Normal people don't get drunk because they are bored!)
Seek RL advice. Who owns/has their name on the rental agreement of your home?

His behaviour isn't going to help you to come to terms with your issues and heal. It sounds very much like he want some to keep you weak.
Do you really want to live like this?
Do you want your children to live in a home like this? They will very quickly pick up on this kind of behaviour and it's well known that growing up in an abusive household sets a precedent for abuse later in life.
It's going to be tough to leave, but no tougher than staying and him eroding any more of your confidence/personality/mental wellbeing.

Take some time to get things in order and then end this awful relationship.
He's manipulating you in the way that many abusive partners do and you don't have to put up with that. But you do have to find the courage to put a stop to it. No one else can do that for you unfortunately. Xx

It sounds like you're in an abusive relationship. He feels entitled to sex, as if it's not something you should necessarily enjoy, you should just give it to him because he wants it. That's fucking gross. If it was a one-off and he was drunk but massively apologetic in the morning that's one thing (though not great still), but this is his whole attitude. He still thinks you were in the wrong for saying no to sex when you didn't want it. I don't think there's any salvaging this tbh, this is who he is. I'd leave.

Wolfie- I wouldn't even know where to go and who to talk to.
Its my name as sole tenant on the agreement he and the children are added as residents. So no not joint.

Mungo- I was thinking when I came out of my introductory session at C.A.R.A (councillors) how can I overcome this when he treats me like the less than dirt ive been made to feel by my various abusers.
I dont want to live like this.
I dont want my children to live like this. He's even getting too tough and overbearing on our nearly 4 year old.
The kids have definitely already noticed and I want a stable happy, fun life for them. Not treading on egg shells . Having to be silent in the mornings so we dont wake him.
I have no confidence very low self esteem and I definitely dont know who I am anymore. I feel like im just nobody.
I will give it over Christmas. I need to think how and what im going to say and do because anything I do say isn't a good enough reason for him for us to end this.

I keep telling him that fat but his ideas are no sex no love. It puts me right back to my abuse.
Takes what he wants n when I dont give it he'll make me feel as low as possible or im a slag or this, that and the other, or I dont love him. Tbh I dont think I do anymore

He's home! No doubt ill get an apology again at some point. Though its as real n genuine as my hair colour!!
He'll still think he's done nothing.
He'll still say im to blame coz I dont love him nor show him enough affection.

anything I do say isn't a good enough reason for him for us to end this He doesn't have to agree. YOU can end this. If you say "it's over" then it's over. Have you looked into the Freedom program? I've heard it recommended on here a lot for people in your circumstances. Stop tryng to convince him of anything and second guessing what he thinks - he's abusive. His 'thinking' is not reasoned or logical, everything is twisted to make his terrible behaviour fine and your normal behaviour unloving/wrong/unacceptable. You just need to get out. x

Ive never heard of them. I will give them a look now. Thank you. Ive told him it was completely unacceptable. Ive told him he need help with the drinking and needs to sort his behaviour out. Or its over. But ive said this before.....