I feel so messed up!!

[cupcakesandtea]

I am 42 and got divorced 5 years ago. It was a horrible divorce and it came as a shock. We were married for 10 years and no kids. We started trying for kids about 2 years before he left. I really should have moved on but I haven't. I keep having silly relationships which I know are not going anywhere. I'm just so scared that I will end up alone. I'm
not even sure I want kids now but I feel so bad saying / thinking that. I have 2 lovely nieces and I honestly feel they are enough but I know they are not "mine". I feel so crappy about how my life has turned out. I still miss my husband and often think about him. I don't enjoy work but don't have the energy left to re-train and do something else. Really don't know what to do and make of this all.

Sounds tough

I think you need to work really really hard at what makes you happy. Just little things- a good book, regular meet ups with friends, niece, family. Join a choir/craft group/quiz team... Fill every moment with things you like and don't think about the future or the past. It will be easy to slip up and start fretting again, but you have to work at it. Don't let a vacant afternoon land in your diary.

Eventually you will be out of the habit of worrying about the future and missing the past.

how are you feeling today?
'

Hi pklme
I'm okay...thank you for responding. I know I have to pull myself together... it's just hard with Xmas coming up. Don't particularly enjoy it as I tend to sink into the past :-((
I did text an old friend today and made plans to meet after Xmas. I think I have lots of changes I need to make...loose weight/start reading again/ making an effort / maybe even a new career. I hope the new year is a good one for me and everyone else too x

Op I've been divorced for 6 years, I'm 45 now. I too have had some unsatisfying relationships and have made a promise to myself that after the madness of Christmas is passed I am going to get fitter/lose weight/find a hobby I enjoy and really start to live my life.

New year is the ideal time to reinvent yourself

I'm sorry if it sounded like pull yourself together- if you can do rest and recuperation without dwelling, then that is great too! Happy new year to the three of us!

I understand this feeling. Change is difficult and being lonely is awful. Maybe meeting new friends, even if it's fir a chat and a coffee once and a while. Everyone should find a place of happiness and you will find yours. X