Inappropriate comments from HCA on children's ward: WWYD?

[FreezerBird]

Eighteen months or so ago, dd was in hospital for routine surgery. There was a HCA on the ward who I found really difficult. I was knackered, too flipping hot, and preoccupied with looking after dd, and I didn't wanted to say anything in case it compromised dd's care as this woman was looking after her. To be honest it was only afterwards really that I thought how out of order some of the things she said were.

She often talked about children with learning disabilities, and how she thinks it's really important that parents dress them in really trendy clothes, so they fit in with their peers - and how she would tell parents that. She used phrases like "the Down's ones" when talking about children with Down's syndrome. There was a child on the ward having the same surgery as dd who appeared to be very young for his age and she asked me if I thought he had any learning disability (as if I'm going to comment on another child in that situation).

DD is going in again in the new year. Same ward, same team. We had a pre-surgery appointment with a nurse today who told us that all the same staff are on the ward and that we'll recognise everyone (dd has been on this ward a few times), so it's not unlikely we'll meet this woman again.

I'm pretty determined that I need to say something if she's saying the same sorts of things again - when dd was little and I was exhausted and vulnerable I'd have been so upset if someone had talked to me about her like that, telling me how I should dress her so she looks 'normal' etc.

I'm also aware that I'm likely to be on the lookout for these comments which might be a bit unfair but judging from last time it's not as if I'll have to go looking for it. (Unless someone has had a word in the meantime, which would be great...)

Who do I speak to? Should I say to her that I don't think the things she's saying are appropriate, or should I speak to someone else about her? I'm not great at this sort of thing so I want to feel a bit prepared.

(Also, am I making a mountain out of a molehill? I was really surprised at some of the things she said but maybe I'm oversensitive?)

I would have a word with the sister / matron in charge of the ward . You could complain to PALS but in my experience all you get back is a standard letter saying they've investigated .

Or you could say something directly to the HCA.

As a parent of a child with a learning disability, I'd suggest that you try hard to go in with fresh eyes and ears. Try to put those things you heard behind you because it really is too late now to act on them in a really meaningful way. However, if inappropriate things are said, I don't think you should raise it directly with the staff member, because you are in a vulnerable position as a service user and because you are not in a position of authority over her. Instead, you should raise it discreetly with the ward manager, who will be able to deal with it properly.

It may be as simple as a lack of training or a generational culture. Many people say quite terrible things with no malicious forethought at all.