Wedding crisis

[anon1457]

Just wanted some feedback really I know this situation isn't ideal so don't want to be flamed...

One of my friends from university is getting married early January near where we used to go to uni - it's about a four hour drive from where I'm living currently.

I would say in the past we have been very close and are still goodish friends but not especially close.

I was invited to her Hen party which was another costly trip and I couldn't go due to working and also, although I didn't mention at the time I couldn't of afforded it. She was disappointed I couldn't come but she understood.

Anyway she invited myself and my partner and our daughter about two months ago to her wedding. It would include a drive up there and a stay over night in a hotel on site which she conditionally booked for us off her own back, the cost of this for one night being £80. This will need to be paid on arrival.

As Xmas is drawing closer and the reality of my partner potentially losing his job (company is openly not doing well ATM and is 'in the sh**' his boss has said, part time staff being laid of over Xmas etc) and myself working on a Saturday and picking up odd shifts when I can I just don't know if when the time comes could we could afford to go.

I will feel terrible about telling them we can't go and potentially she may not speak to me again. Do I make a decision sooner rather than later or is it just too awful to say we can't go?

I don't want to lose my friend over it and would love to go, in fact my mum is having our daughter that weekend so on the night after the wedding we could stay an extra night somewhere and enjoy some 'us' time (obviously this is also not going to be happening)

Weddings are costly and I'm just totalling up the cost and for everything it's looking at around £300 for the trip, I have just worked out and that's with a shoddy £15 gift which I have already ordered. I just don't think we could afford it

I don't know what to do...

How far away is it? Do you have to stay overnight?

That's a good point. It's a four hour drive away so technically we probably could which is a good money saving idea just don't n is if my friend will get shitty if we don't stay as probably the too could of been kept for someone else...

If she's a true friend, she will understand when you tell her what's happening in your lives at the moment. Tell her what you've told us.

What I would do is phone your friend and tell her that it's looking increasingly likely that your DH will be out of a job by Christmas and that you're really very sorry, but it's looking like you won't be able to afford to come to her wedding unless your DH manages to hang onto his job.

If she's any kind of friend, she will understand that - in this day and age of so many people being close to the bone with finances, and not being able to save at all, and the difficulties with getting new jobs at the drop of a hat, then she should realise that you're heading into a potentially very worrying and scary time.

If she is offended by your potential financial hardship, then she's not a friend worth keeping.

Would you go if your DH did keep his job?

But I think you owe it to her and yourself to have a conversation about the situation, rather than just refusing to go now over something that actually may not happen.

Having been in this situation myself and then also at my own wedding a friend in a similar situation, you absolutely need to be honest and not put any additional financial pressure on yourself. It's just not worth it. Like other posters have said any true friend would totally understand and be sympathetic to your situation. X

How is it costing £300 if it's £80 to stay over and the gift is £15?

Otherwise you should just be up front and say you can't afford it if you can't. I wouldn't have wanted to put a friend under financial pressure to attend my wedding.

What's adding up to £300? You've known about the £80 for the hotel for a couple of months so could have been saving for that. There'll be petrol costs plus £15 for the gift but that's still nowhere near £300.

I do understand your concerns but you have already accepted knowing about the hotel cost and the drive so I do think it would be a bit shabby to pull out now.

Your H hasn't actually been made redundant yet and may not be. Keep saving.

What about asking your parents/in-laws if they could pay half each of the hotel cost as your Christmas present?
Sounds like it was going to be a weekend you would both enjoy as a treat after all.

80 for a hotel room is a very good rate especially for a wedding that could easily be saved up. The gift is 15 so I don't understand where 300 pounds has come into it? I understand petrol but surely it would cost 40-50?

I couldn't stay at a close friends wedding as it was very expensive plus there were no hotels left so we went up for the ceremony and meal but left at 9pm to get a 4 hour train home.
I think you can make it cheaper. I'd go if you can.

Yes, everything Thumb said.

But also, please tell her as soon as possible. I'm also getting married in early Jan (and near where I went to University, actually - am I your friend?! ) and our final numbers have to be with the caterers very soon. I wouldn't be at all annoyed with anyone who pulls out at this stage - but after that date, if they'd already known they wouldn't be able to make it but hadn't told me before we had to pay for their dinner - yeah, that would be a bit irritating.

I would ring her and explain. If she's a good friend she'll understand.

Something similar cropped up when we got married and I covered the cost of the hotel room for my friend. I had no problem with people dropping out either, as long as we were given as much notice as possible - so table plans/catering arrangements could be re-jigged.