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Original poster

A upsetting disagreement

41 replies

Feeline · 30/10/2016 19:42

I have given blood for many years. I am a strong advocate for if you can, do. It is a small thing that can make a huge difference to someone's life.
I understand many people can't and don't for lots of reasons, but have been struggling with my Dh over the last few years.
He refuses to go, which in itself would be fine if there was a reason, but all he can say is 'I don't want to'.
I know it it silly but it really upsets me that something that I feel strongly about is dismissed with a shrug and if I push him for a reason other than that, he tells me I'm bullying him and he doesn't have to have a reason.
Am I Being unfair?

OP posts:

SpookyPumpkin · 30/10/2016 20:18

Of course your being unfair

He is an adult and he doesn't need to have a reason, he doesn't want too so that is the end of it!

You do want you want with your body and your blood and let him do what he wants with his

GazingAtStars · 30/10/2016 21:29

I don't donate, because I don't want to, and I wouldn't hesitate to accept a blood transfusion. I am on the organ donor register

9troubledwaters · 30/10/2016 21:35

Yabvu

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/10/2016 21:49

His body, his choice - how would you feel if he kept on at you to do something medical that you didn't want to?

angeldiver · 30/10/2016 21:56

Only 4% of people eligible to give blood do so.
Your dh is not in the minority and it is his choice to do so or not, give him a break!

Yoarchie · 30/10/2016 22:12

He's probably afraid. But it's his choice anyway.

Original poster

Feeline · 31/10/2016 09:27

Thanks for your responses. I don't think it is the fact he doesn't want to that bothers me, more that I feel like he is unwilling to share the reason why.
I'm probably just over analysing it.

OP posts:

bobgoblin23 · 31/10/2016 09:34

I can't donate, my OH was really keen too. He felt slightly light headed after the first time, and they said not to do it again. Then sent a letter to him formally thanking him but refusing further donations.

Thankfully he's not a macho idiot about it, but some men can be really sensitive about something like this.

It's his choice, back off and let him make his own choices.

WaxingNinja · 31/10/2016 09:40

What reason could he give that would be good enough for you? because tbh in your first post you sound so worthy and preachy I doubt there is one - "struggling" with DH for years and pushing him to give you a reason.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 31/10/2016 10:05

His reasons are actually nothing to do with you. It's something that doesn't affect you so he doesn't owe you an explanation.

Am genuinely shocked that you would expect him to justify himself over the fact he doesn't want a particular thing done to his body.

RockyBird · 31/10/2016 10:08

I have to give blood lying flat as otherwise I faint.

I'm not scared of fainting while in a safe place but could see how it or the fear of it would put some people off.

RockyBird · 31/10/2016 10:10

To clarify, if I faint or nearly faint again I'm not allowed to give blood again. All is fine if I do it lying flat though.

Arfarfanarf · 31/10/2016 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scribblegirl · 31/10/2016 10:19

I think you're getting a bit of a tough time on here OP. Yes it is his body and totally up to him, but I have to say that I respect people less if they could donate but choose not to. I would be a bit judgey about anyone who lacks altruism, and can't put their own discomfort out of the way in favour of helping people who are suffering.

DP can't donate for medical reasons, and supports my donations fully. I agree that if he could donate, it would be totally up to him whether he did. But I would respect him less.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 31/10/2016 10:32

Scribble so it's okay to be judgy as long as you are altruistic?

People generally don't give to total strangers purely for nothing. It's about weighing up whether the discomfort is worth the ultimate 'reward', whether it's a warm fuzzy feeling or something more tangible.

There may be some genuinely selfless people out there but they are few and far between. I don't judge people for their motives but I recognise that most people have their reasons for 'kindness'.

PurpleDaisies · 31/10/2016 10:36

I don't think it is the fact he doesn't want to that bothers me, more that I feel like he is unwilling to share the reason why.

Why does he need a reason beyond "I don't want to"? It's not compulsory. I'd feel bullied if my dh decided I should do something I didn't want to do and wouldn't drop it aster I said no. You are being unfair to your dh.

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