What do you reck?

[Jules8432]

Met a guy online last year

We got on in text (he makes me laugh) get on in person but are total opposites (I'm v loud he's almost mute 🙈)
He's quite posh, bit emotionally unavailable, serious, high flyer, obsessed with health and fitness etc

I kinda felt that someone like me (have been likened to phoebe from friends 🙊) could bring a bit of fun and happiness into his life but I cut him off after he blew hot and cold on me (he had only recently split from his wife 8months earlier)

The main deal breaker though was what I perceived as his meanness.
He's v successful, owns his own business in central London, owns a few property's and lives a nice life.
But here's the thing..
I travelled on the trains for over an hour to meet him (as per) we went for dinner.
He didn't have a drink cos had been drinking at work (he built a bar there 🙄)
I thought that was rude as we had a date planned but anyway..
Then we chatted and I explained how I'd had to take on an extra cleaning job because of my daughters tutors etc and he already knows I get no help from my ex etc. He spent the eve saying his daughter will never have to work a day in her life and how he aims to buy a property a year just cos he can.
I only had a starter and pud then I put £20 down which was more then my half was worth. And he took it!
Now I think that was a bit mean considering I'd travelled all that way to see him.
he lives very minimal i.e. Not much in the house apart from books and looks like he hasn't brought new clothes since 1997 😆
My mum says that's probs why he's rich because he never spends.

But I keep thinking about him.
Maybe he was just paranoid about being used? His mum always warns him not to get "man trapped" by getting someone pregnant 🙄
The mums obsessed with him as he's her only child.

But he intrigues me and there was something between us. He always ended up getting back in contact even if it was just as a friend.

Sadly I'm a saver and always drawn to people that are probs no good for me so maybe I should leave this one as when he was mean it made me feel a bit unworthy ☹️ And I am feeling bit crap atm.

But i keep thinking I want to message him What you reck ladies? X

Goodness me that's long! Sorry ! X

Leave it.

Do you believe what he tells you? Do you know for sure everthing he says is true? Because it doesn't sound true to me. If he leads a frugal life, yet brags about wealth with no actual evidence of it, he's possibly spinning you a line, and he's hooked you.

I'd do a bit of sleuthing and find out some facts for yourself. And don't offer to pay again - tell him you're skint next time and let him pay. If he can.

Agree that it doesn't quite add up. I'd leave it. Can't bear tightness, and the obsessed mother would put me off too.

Not sure why this is in Etiquette?

Morning :)

He defo does have it as I've been to his and seen his business online and LinkedIn stuff etc
He just doesn't spend anything on his clothes or his dates starter 🙊

I think I'm gonna leave it though as selfishness is one of my big bug bares, it's just a shame because we did get on quite well.
I was thinking maybe he's testing me to see if I'm after his wonga which I'm defo not!
Think it's probs surprised him that I've cut contact.

Sorry it's in etiquette, but I thought is it rude to expect him to pay?
Maybe I've got the wrong end of the etiquette stick 🙈
Where would you suggest it go?

Maybe get this moved to Relationships?

I don't think it matters if two people have very different levels of income/savings but I think if you have very different attitudes to money, that can become a real problem in a relationship. You sound comparatively relaxed/generous about spending and he sounds mean (to the point of being a bit selfish).
When my DH and I met, I was in the stronger financial position and now, his income is 5 times mine but we have always had the same attitude to spending which has meant even the tough times have not caused problems between us.
Like you, I think meanness is a very unappealing character trait in a partner. I wouldn't take this further.

If he is wealthy and you're moaning about being broke I can see why he'd be wary of treating you - the gold digger warning bells must be ringing.

Alternatively, he gets in touch when he's on his own and fancies hooking up with someone. He knows you're interested but nothing is going to come of it

Thanks MF :)
That's a good point, I'm quite kind (buy friends flowers or little cards etc) but see it as showing love/appreciation for them whereas he sees a lot of things as wasteful which is where the problem lies. It's not about the money it's about the Different attitudes to it.
He also didn't really show much empathy to things and was always saying I should work at his recruitment company cos I'd make a lot of money but that's just not for me, I'm happy with my little jobs 😬 I'm not cut out for the big city.

Plus we have diff attitudes on our kids education etc.
Actually the more I write this stuff the more I realise a friendship is all we could/should ever have as we're polar opposites! X

Yeah true but it was in context he asked what I'd done that day and I said about my new job but I certainly wasn't moaning about it.
His reply was are you joking 😆
I don't think he probs has any understanding or idea about the reality of my life, as I don't his

Plus we had been chatting/meeting up a couple of months so it wasn't like I mentioned that on our 1st date!