Marry an abusive man for security?

[AllCharlotte]

Here's a dilemma for you.

You have an abusive partner. Emotionally abusive and occasionally physically abusive with the odd slap.

You have 2 children together and you are a SAHM. He is a high earner and owns your house. You are not on the deeds and have no money of your own.

He wants to get married but you know you should leave.

Do you marry him to gain the rights afforded to wives or do you leave and lose everything?

The children are entitled to child maintenance from their father regardless of parental marital status.

Getting a divorce will lead your ex getting your new address from the paperwork and will create new opportunities to abuse you.

I'd cut my losses with regards to spousal maintenance but claim child maintenance.

Contact woman's aid. Leave. You are never alone. Nothing is worth staying & putting yourself & DC at further risk.

What are the benefits/costs of each decision OP?

Leave, and do it quietly and safely without provoking him into more violence against you.
If there's no evidence or record of the abuse you're not going to get legal aid for the divorce, which with an abusive partner who will be well aware at that point you've married him for the financial gain is going to be a long drawn out expensive affair. He's not just going to let you go and take half the house without a fight.
Why waste time and money on a wedding and sticking around for long enough for it when you could use the money to leave?

I would pick option C. Get a job and get out. Even toiling in a chippy is better than being married to an abuser. And I speak from experience. I'd rather eat stale bread in a bedsit with my children than dine with them on fine cuisine in a mansion with an abusive man.

Being married isn't going to guarantee that you'll be able to maintain your current standard of living or even anything near it, if that's what you're after. Many a wife of a millionaire has ended up with virtually nothing in a divorce.

I'd suggest you see a solicitor for some hard facts before you make this decision.

Marrying him only to leave soon after could enrage him and make him vindictive. Could make him feel public ally shamed and belittled in front of his colleagues/friends and in turn increase his violence. It would only take one night of him feeling belittled, having too much to drink & lashing out at either you or a DC harder than he meant to and one of you could be dead or severely hurt. Please don't risk this. Find a way to leave now - you are worth more than this. If you can't yet believe that for yourself, can you believe your DCs are worth more than this? I hope you will find a way to leave safely and quietly, and that as you step out into freedom some new pathways will open up in life for financial provision and a job that you enjoy that uses your gifts.

If you have lived in that property for a year and can prove that then you have something that is legally like a marriage google it, it will come up. You have his children and he will need to pay child support for them. You shouldn't put up with abuse. You deserve better, every women deserves better. I saw my mother being abused as a child and both of my partners abused me it's a circle.