My sister sent me this. I needed a giggle and thought I'd share.
Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing
up her Shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps
herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the
door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she
says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands
her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and
goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband
asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she
replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about
the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information
pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time,
you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure
Lesson 2
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an
accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his
hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his
hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father,
remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but
the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on
her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up
Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will
find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job,
you might miss a great opportunity!
Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub
it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of
you just one wish."
Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She's gone.
Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii
, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's
gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager
says, "I want those two slackers back in the office after
lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say!
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small
rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you
and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the
rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must
be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to
get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't
got the energy." Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave
him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The
next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly
perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a
farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it
won't keep you there!
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold
the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While
he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began
to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him
out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing
for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird
under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate
him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth
shut!
This ends the 3-minute management course.