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Original poster

Do I let 11 year old DS1 leave the country for two months...

29 replies

curlywillow · 12/08/2016 19:19

I have name changed for this because I'm a regular. This isn't a stealth boast. I am genuinely in a major dilemma.

DS1 loves acting and has recently signed with an agent. He is currently doing some filming on a tv series but only as a supporting actor. We had said that he could do this over the holidays but that it could't interfere with school.

He is very bright and goes to an academically selective independent school. In September he starts at the senior school in Year 7. Competition for places at the school is fierce. Its fairly full on with a couple of hours of homework every single night and high expectations of the pupils.

He has now been offered a main role in a feature film filming overseas for two months. This would be a major disruption for us, although potentially doable in terms of someone accompanying him if we called on favours from grandparents etc. I have a full on job but have a lot of flexibility because I work for myself. DH 's job is also very full on. We also have another DS (9).

God knows what school will say but we're not even at that stage yet. I'm not sure whether we should let him do it or not. It will clearly impact on school but he's only in year 7. He would have a tutor on set.

WWYD?

OP posts:
BigGreenOlives · 12/08/2016 19:23

Talk to the school & ask them how they would feel about working with a tutor. How close is the film to actually being made? Is all the funding in place? As he already knows lots of the students it is better than if he didn't. When does filming start?

toffeeboffin · 12/08/2016 19:29

I'd let him go. Sounds like a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Caken · 12/08/2016 19:30

I think I'd be inclined to say it's an opportunity of a lifetime and I'd let him do it if he really wants to. If he has a tutor on set his education shouldn't really suffer and the experience of filming and being abroad would be amazing for him. It sounds brilliant (although I'm sure there are down sides) and like he would get a lot from it.

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Floralnomad · 12/08/2016 19:33

If your son wants to be an actor it is a bit of a no brainer and I would expect the school to be supportive .

Finola1step · 12/08/2016 19:36

Do it. You will still be paying the fees and if he's a bright lad, then anything he has missed should be recoverable. I suspect the school will be secretly happy...it is a business, after all. Could be a nice bit of indirect publicity for them.

akkakk · 12/08/2016 19:47

Any decent independent school will find a way to work with you on this - and they will undoubtedly use him for lots of drama / plays / etc Grin if they don't then you would need to question whether it is the right school...

however...

  • they might want to know if this is the start of several years of doing this
  • they will need to work with you and possibly the tutor he has to make sure he doesn't suffer in his school work on his return...

year 7 - no brainer, if he wants to do it, then do it

MrsHulk · 12/08/2016 19:48

I'd do it - incredible opportunity and he'll prob learn more than he would have in school when you think about the acting experience, time abroad etc

Cel982 · 12/08/2016 19:54

God, of course he should do it! It's the chance of a lifetime, and a brilliant experience for him even if nothing further comes of it.

He won't fall behind at school - I think the rules about kids on film sets are pretty strict, he'll be made to keep up with his academic work - and, if he's getting one-to-one tutoring and is bright, he may even wind up ahead of his peers.

cavkc123 · 12/08/2016 19:59

The danger of not letting him go is that he/you would always wonder 'what if .... '

ToffeeForEveryone · 12/08/2016 20:06

2 months is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Absolutely yes, just try to get the school on board.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 12/08/2016 20:07

Sounds like an amazing opportunity for him. I imagine that the school would be thrilled to have film star on roll Grin and if it's the first few months of year 7 he's not going to miss a massive amount, I'm sure he'll be able to catch up.

And congratulations to your son, he must be thrilled to bits! Smile

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 12/08/2016 20:09

Ooh, I got all theatrical and used thrilled twice in one post - I don't think I've ever said the word once in real life! Grin

Original poster
curlywillow · 12/08/2016 20:28

A glass of wine down and I'm coming around to the idea. It's so out of the blue that I wasn't really prepared for it. I was rather thinking he'd do a bit of work as an extra and then we would tick that box and move on...

I think it probably wouldn't be fair to say no. And I could sell it to school as a foreign languages enhancement trip. DH is being sensible and thinking about logistics though...

OP posts:
Original poster
curlywillow · 12/08/2016 20:32

Getting school on board is obviously slightly tricky since its the holidays.

OP posts:
LIZS · 12/08/2016 20:36

School staff will start to be back on Monday as exam results are out on Wednesday. Tbh I'd go for it, year 7 is probably ideal as long as he keeps up academically, maintains friendships (being a film star is something of an advantage!) and understands the routine when he goes back.

FadedRed · 12/08/2016 20:37

Agree with pp's- absolutely go for it. Independant school should easier to manage this than state and the tutoring for major films is excellent.

Coconutty · 12/08/2016 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PotteringAlong · 12/08/2016 20:40

Go for it - it sounds an amazing opportunity. School will be fine - it will be used as a "look what our pupils do" thing for evermore Grin

HelenaJustina · 12/08/2016 20:40

Emma Watson went to an independent girls school near to me. She was obviously out of the classroom for months at a time filming HP but the school seemed supportive and proud of her as an alumni. Fingers crossed your school feel the same, seems like something DS would really resent you saying no to just because you had a sensible head on...

Whatslovegottodo · 12/08/2016 20:53

Oooh exciting what a fabulous opportunity. You must be very proud! Are you going to tell us more about the film Grin?

Original poster
curlywillow · 12/08/2016 21:08

DH seems to be coming round to the idea. It's the "what if" factor that is probably going to swing it I think. It would be horrible for us to say no and then for him to always wonder whether this was that one opportunity that could have changed his life.

I really have no idea what school will say though even if we do decide to let him. They're generally very sniffy about time off. It's possible that the fact that there is a tutor will make a difference I guess.

OP posts:
Original poster
curlywillow · 12/08/2016 21:14

I can't, sorry what'slove it isn't allowed.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 12/08/2016 21:20

I don't see the issue.
Chance of a lifetime
Won't impact on studies long term.
If school really don't like it you can find another school which does.

There may only be one chance to star in a film.
There are lots of schools around.

LynetteScavo · 12/08/2016 21:30

I suspect school will be supportive.., it will be excellent publicity for them to be able to say one of their pupils was in X film.

Yes, I would let him do it if he wants to.

Hassled · 12/08/2016 21:34

Do it. What an opportunity for him - and he must be bloody talented to have been offered this. He'll hate you forever if you say no - you can't say no. There is more than one school out there - if they hate it, tough.