Family Feud WWYD

[Pussywillows]

DH and BIL had a big falling out, at the time FIL took BIL side and fell out with DH over it. I was 3 months PG at the time. I kept neutral and stayed in contact with everyone, updates of pregnancy, scan pictures..etc. speak to MIL most days. Eventually BIL and DH made up and now see each other regularly, but FIL got so involved he completely stopped talking to me and DH (even though I kept out of it and tried to keep everyone involved).
Haven't heard from FIL since 6 months pregnant, he didn't sign the babies welcome to the world card MIL sent. Never sent any congratulations or asked if baby was ok (including when baby was in intensive care).
Baby now 6 months old and we have sent out christening invites, BIL and MIL received their invites but as FIL has never acknowledge babies birth, we haven't invited him. All hell has broken loose and he's really angry to have been excluded.
I've said anyone who wishes to be an involved member of babies life is welcome to the day, but didn't think it's appropriate for a family christening to be the first time baby is introduced...etc if he wants to come to me beforehand and meet them then that's a different story all together, ofcourse all would be welcome. This is not good enough apparently.

AIBU/WWYD?

Well he's reaping what he's sown, he can fuck off!

yanbu

He behaved badly and has to reap the consequences.

You've offered him an olive branch and he snapped it in half. Fuck him.

Should I have just sucked it up and invited him in the first place? I was so torn about it at the time but I felt it would be really false to bother!

Treat others how you wish to be treated.

He's brought that on himself and now needs to suck it up.

He's playing games with you - YANBU he's a manipulative fucker

Okay feeling slightly better about this now with a big FKK YOU at him in my head. BIL and MIL now saying they won't be coming to the christening unless FIL is invited and comes - they don't want to choose sides - errrrr they just did.. His

My mil hardly acknowledged our ds when he was born so we married 10 months later and uninvited her - she had assumed she was but we said as she wasn't really involved with our family it didn't seem appropriate she was part of our big day. Other issues also but the main bit was the baby and lack of interest. . Its your day (babys!) and u aren't obliged to have people that arent that important to u attend!!

Thank you MissGraeme! Can I ask how MiL Reacted to the wedding scenario? No one is talking to us now

FIL is realising that if he doesn't show up to the christening, people (that he knows, family, family friends etc) will ask why, and you will tell them what he's done (or not done.)

How embarrassing for him.

It's the least he deserves, he's not acknowledged the birth of his grandchild, nor given a fuck when said grandchild was in intensive care (hope baby is fine now!) but he's up for a free drink.

Fuck that shit.

Stand your ground. I wouldn't invite him either. Unless he's forthcoming with a full and heartfelt apology for acting like a schoolboy, he's not invited.

If your MIL and BIL choose to turn down your invitation, that's in their power and their power only, nothing to do with you, not your fault.

What does dh think?

I can understand why you haven't invited him-for the last 9 months or so he has refused to have a relationship with you and your baby despite the fact you had no involvement in the quarrel. Most people would appreciate how you kept in contact about the baby despite that, rather than including you in the punishment even after the brothers had patched things up.

He seems to think he should still get all the nice bits of a relationship and get to keep up appearances even if he's being horrible behind the scenes.

It is a shame your BIL and MIL are demanding that he be invited, they should leave it up to you and your DH. I suppose it comes down to how much you and your DH want to hang on to contact with his family. So much that you will overlook FIL's behaviour?

DH is beside himself and upset, I'm fuming!

Twin 2 who was in intensive care is fine now thank you for asking - so much so he is now the heavier twin and has been nick named porky pie / porky

I really just can't be bothered with it all.

Going against the grain here, but I think it's very odd to invite your MiL but not your FiL. Surely they come as a couple?
I think you should have just been the bigger person and hoped this was the start of their relationship.

BackForGood thank you for offering a different perspective on this, I completely agree they come as a pair, which is why I found it so odd for MiL to get very involved with visits and FIL to not acknowledge anything or me.

God, they sound like hard work.

You have enough on your plate with twins. Congratulations by the way!

Let them act out their family drama. Try to breeze it off - hard I know - and enjoy the day!

Sooner or later it will all work itself out. Don't let them override your own family unit which is what is important here. Bottom line.

I agree with the lone dissenter.
By this current approach, which isn't wrong exactly, you are forcing him into a confrontation. He will have to openly apologise and day he was wrong, or he will up the ante, as he is doing.
But dick heads, arrogant people who are confident and stupid enough to stop talking to people will Never apologise.
He, if invited, would probably go, smile, and the war would be over but without him losing face.
You've really pushed him into a corner.
A wiser woman would just have invited him and coped with it.
By the way, I think talking to in law's daily is Always always always too much.
I think you need to formalise your whole IL relationships.
No holidays together, no Christmas together, no daily conversations, no confiding in them, expect nothing from them.
Smile and nod, formally invite them to things, never trust them again.