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Husband affairs

44 replies

SuperEve · 03/08/2016 16:33

Three years on marriage and three kids in two years later my husband received a texts "hi thanks baby xxx". Since he's asleep I wake him and ask who's that, he says it's not for him, surely wrong number, goes back to bed. I take his phone and research all night what's going on, gut feeling! I ask him that night if there's anything I need to know a couple of times but he assures me, goes back to bed (his face didn't look the same). I find out he's been looking at escorts, texting them, received even another text from different number with escorts address and charge that night, he's been viewing that same address earlier on on his maps I found. I asked him in the morning to tell me what's happening and after long wait he admitted to be browsing thought escort webs for 20 years, texting, calling them but never actually going through with it. He just gets the rush from texting and calling but finds them too filthy to sleep with. For some reason I believe he's not slept with them but I haven't told him that. Regardless, how would you feel and what would you do if your husband firstly lied about anything going on but once confronted admits being an addict for browsing through and texting escorts. He was pretty open with me in the end, I was to ask him anything. Apparently he says its like his secret sickness, he even knows where they are, who's new in town, what they do etc. But it's not something he finds sexual.
My head is messed up atm. Opinions please...

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 03/08/2016 23:21

I only have one vagina, btw

More's the pity....

SuperEve · 03/08/2016 23:24

He said he's been always interested in the ads since adulthood (those days he said was papers, no pics etc), so what he does is text the no, ask what services they do, if they're available, where they're based, charge and move on. He's been literally watching them, checking the new ones out, checking how the movement happens within the area, how they never stay in one place blah blah but yeah apparently never did nothin. He was ashamed admitting everything but he said it was all true and he's hoping after getting it out I can in a way help him overcome his obsession.
If I read this post, I know exactly what id say, but being in this mess makes it so different. It's very disturbing though. And yeah, he does it on the train I assume, in the loo, when I'm asleep on weekends, there's time for phone of course.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 03/08/2016 23:28

He wants you to help him with his "addiction" ?

That would be funny if it weren't so tragic. You would be a fool to fall for this shit.

SuperEve · 03/08/2016 23:30

That's my bigger issue I recon. The hiding, the not wanting to admit to it, lying that the text isn't meant for him when he said in the end he knew what the deal was and who's texting him back. And yes, how am I suppose to sleep with him again? Man, it's a shame, if not this, he's a great guy and he really is. It's a total shock

OP posts:
SuperEve · 03/08/2016 23:35

I told him, I was a good enough reason for him to quit this shit. Dont mess around hoping you won't get caught. He said he didn't see it as cheating and still doesn't. Also was hoping that by telling me the whole truth and answering any question I had he was gonna get a bit on an easier way out of this. He says now what was the point for telling the truth then if the truth can only break us apart as it seems

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 03/08/2016 23:38

So if you break up because of this

AnyFucker · 03/08/2016 23:39

That would be your fault

This guy is good

SuperEve · 03/08/2016 23:40

I wonder what men think of this. Anyone's got a hubby or a friend to ask out of interest? What do they consider cheating? What's not cool? What would they be scared to loose they whole family over??

OP posts:
sussexman · 03/08/2016 23:44

Its cheating. End of.

altik · 03/08/2016 23:52

Look on his phone to see if he has been with anywhere suspicious.

Here's how to do it on an iPhone, but you can do it on all smart phones. At least then you'll know if he has been with an escort or not.

www.techinsider.io/how-to-see-your-iphone-location-history-2015-11

WellErrr · 04/08/2016 01:54

Of course it's bloody cheating. I don't need to ask some random man, it's obviously cheating.

What would he think if YOU had been contacting sex workers for the last 20 years? Not much I'm guessing.

I would still put money on the fact that he's slept with them though.

This is not your problem to fix and you owe him nothing.

DoinItFine · 04/08/2016 08:07

You believe the bullshit story about him getting off on text messages because you want to pretend he's not a regular punter.

So pretend away.

Stay with this nasty misogynist who you consider a great guy.

Pretend he's going to stop sleeping with prostitutes.

All is good.

You will need to do it alone though, because it is very obviously a crock of shit. And anyone you ask will tell you that.

AgentAgency · 04/08/2016 09:29

If he wanted your help with this he would have been honest - not waited for you to discover it.

NeedAnotherGlass · 04/08/2016 09:53

Anyone's got a hubby or a friend to ask out of interest? What do they consider cheating?
Just asked my DH. It was a resounding cheat. There's plenty of porn or stories he could read if he wants a wank. He doesn't believe for a second that he has never acted on these messages, but even if he hadn't, he has still not even attempted to remain faithful and true to you.

But I do wonder why you want a man's opinion on this. If you don't like it, that's all that matters.

timelytess · 04/08/2016 10:02

Lovely material for an article.

MatrixReloaded · 17/08/2016 02:00

He sounds like he stalks them.

FlorisApple · 17/08/2016 02:51

Good God! The world is full of men who apparently don't sleep with prostitutes; they "just talk" etc, etc. Oldest fucking excuse in the book, I'm afraid. LTB he's an absolute prick. Even if he is honest about this, he's apparently using them for his jollies ("getting them to describe their services") without having to pay....nice.

MatrixReloaded · 17/08/2016 03:45

Of course he knew it was cheating.That's why he's lied about it for all these years.Please don't fall for his bullshit about his addiction.He doesn't want your help, he wants you to be on board with it and accept it. His entire conversation with you was insulting and manipulative.

Poppyred85 · 28/08/2016 09:33

OP only you can decide what the boundaries are in your relationship. For me, this would be the end of the marriage. Even if he's not sleeping with them, it certainly sounds like he stalks them and that degree of obsession and pathological behaviour is not just going to go away without professional help and from what you've said it sounds as though he's not going to have the motivation to do that. Have you thought about asking him if he wants to/is willing to change and seek professional help. As in any addiction (if this is what it is) then change has to come from him. You said you don't have family nearby- what about friends you could confide in, family who are further away or even religious leader? Whatever happens, please look after yourself and your children. Sending Flowers

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