Child going hungry at school. WWYD?

[Ujjayi]

DS came home upset yesterday as his friend has confided in him that most days he has very little lunch (a sausage roll for example) or none at all. Mum lost her job last year and ex doesn't give financial support for DCs. I know the mum to chat to but we aren't close. She is very private about stuff like this, understandably, and wouldn't want to be seen "losing face" by asking for help.

I feel like I should do something but don't know what. DS shared his lunch with his friend yesterday. I told DS I was happy to make double so that he could give his friend a lunchbox (as discreetly as possible) to ensure he ate over the next few days. DS feels friend would be embarrassed and not want to be seen to be a charity case.

I'd really be grateful for any advice. I am sat here feeling awful for this child and his parent but not knowing what I can do to help.

Well it mightn't work with secondary school kids but op says she loves cooking with the kids so presumably her son often helps cook I think if it was unusual for the son then no it's not going to work and it will be obvious that it's for his friends Benifits. But if it's easy to get your son on board OP like its a normal thing to do, and hay isn't it nice they get to take some home to mum and the rest of the family. Then it sounds great.

If your son is likely to give away that it's not something he does then it mightn't work

I hate the thought of kids going hungry. DD1 confided in me that one of her college friends had stopped buying lunch. He normally bought it from his Saturday job money but he had started to give it to his Mum for his younger brother and sisters because his Dad had stopped paying maintenance.

DD did the "Gosh my daft Mum always gives me too much, help me out please" thing for a couple of weeks until they got sorted out.

wannabe thats still a child protection issue though. If the family has so little that the child feels they can't take food because there isn't enough there its an issue affecting the wellbeing of the child.

Tbh, at twelve/thirteen I'd be more concerned that the child may have an eating disorder rather than that there was a genuine CP issue, and that he was taking something small rather than nothing so as to not be too noticeable.

This is IMO why the OP has done the right thing in notifying the schooL, because they can deal with it appropriately I.e. Talk to the child and the parents if need be.

My DCs help out with cooking supper every day so it wouldn't be unusual to get them on board. I agree though that they are at an age where they are very aware of the manner or attitude that adults have towards them and I certainly do not want the friend to pick up on any vibes of "poor you". I've been in his position so I know that it can come across as patronising even when others mean well.

I'm thinking if the weather stays lovely, we can do a picnic out somewhere - with everyone making lunch in my kitchen and taking responsibility for loading into their own bags etc (plausible as I'm not allowed to do any heavy lifting so can't be saddled with entire picnic). Then he can keep whatever he doesn't eat. We could also do a bbq and send him home with leftovers (again, I think this is perfectly normal and shouldn't raise any eyebrows).

I can also do the "if you bake it, you can eat it" bribe for cakes

Why don't people read the OP's updates before posting. You sound lovely, and I'm glad you spoke to the school. I have a friend in child protection and she would have suggested you do so.

You sound lovely OP, as does your son