Dilemma! Do I leave my baby to go on a hen do?

[Izzywizzyxx]

One of my oldest friends is planning a 4 day hen do abroad next June. I am currently 12 weeks pregnant, so will have a 4-5 month old baby at the time they go. I am not sure what to do because 4 months old is very young, and I am planning on breast feeding, so it would be tricky. What should I do?

Just explain that you'd struggle to pump enough milk in advance to sustain baby for 4 days. Explain also that if you came, you would spend a lot of time expressing as your breast would be rock hard and enormous. She probably simply has no concept of either the practicalities of the emotional difficulties of leaving a BF 4/5mth old.

I would (& did) go when my youngest was a few months old, although it was Friday PM - Sunday, so not 4 days. It was all fine & I enjoyed myself a lot - my friend was so grateful after she had her first baby when she realised what a big deal it was to go when I did & thanked me a lot a few years later which was nice. My DH looked after the DCs when I went & it was all drama free.

It's up to you to go or not, but if you do, your baby won't be traumatised in any way.

4 days in a different country while leaving your (first?) baby at home?

If you don't really want to go, say no. Aside from the breastfeeding reason, you might really not want to go at the time as you will miss your baby!

You might be up for it when the time comes, but it's easier to say no now than risk saying yes and regretting it (in my opinion).

I have an old friend who doesn't have/want children who can't understand why I'm not as flexible now I have a baby (5 months old). You just learn to say, 'no, that's not going to work, sorry'. You have to do what you feel is right for you and your baby, not do things to please others.

Congrats by the way :) Oooh Maybe you and your partner could take the baby and go for a week at the same resort and you can nip off with the hens for a night or two while you are out there and DP can look after baby!!

Pre-DS I imagined my future baby would happily go to my parents' so DP and I could go for weekend breaks as a couple. Fast forward to now; he is twice the age of the baby in the OP and he kicks up holy hell if I as much as think about leaving the room. Friends without DC often suggest we get a babysitter but DS just isn't that baby. Other friends have really chilled babies who will happily be passed around, spend nights with grandparents etc. It is impossible to predict their personalities but personally I wouldn't even consider it!

Panini, it's great that you were able to express so much in advance (assuming you were BF as the op will be) but not all woman can manage that. With one of mine I just about managed enough to keep him satisfied and really struggled to express, with another I expressed lots without problem. The difficulty is that the op had no way of knowing at 12wks pg whether she'll be in any fit state to express to store for 4days away. IMO, it would just put on her an added pressure she doesn't need. There is also the possibility, although this may mother relevant to the op, that she will it be feeling entirely body confident at 4mths pp. I snapped back with my first, my second not so much. A flabby tummy and enormous boobs prone to leakage would have made be feel very uneasy as 4days away. Not to mention the part about actually leaving my 4mth old.

I wouldn't hesitate. I'd be there in a shot.

I'd go. One bottle a day of formula from birth, at approximately the same time and it'll be fine. Mix feeding is the future.

I did, at 4 months, BUT it was in the UK (still a 5hr drive mind), only 2 nights, and I was maybe a bit naive to be fair.

I didn't mind being away from DS at all. He was safe with DH and oblivious. But the feeding thing may be a problem. DS ended up being formula fed, so wasn't a problem.

In your situation, having to book flights in advance, I probably wouldn't go, unless it was a really good friend.

No. Not for 4 days plus. No way on earth would I have been ready to leave my baby even if I hadn't been breastfeeding. As I was it would have been impossible as she refused to ale a bottle or cup so I physically couldst have left her.

I'd politely decline now so you don't end up paying a deposit and then losing it.

Why would you mix feed from birth all so you can go on a hen do? As you can tell mothers have very mixed views on whether they'd do this or not, but these are based on our experience of motherhood and of our babies. You aren't quite there yet so cannot know which way you'd want to turn.

I could have gone with first DC (mix fed) but absolutely no chance with second DC the bottle refuser. You just can't know even if already a parent. Unless perhaps you are certain you are 100% formula feeding from day 1(which is fine).

I turned down a hen do when DC2 around 3 months, in advance before baby born and everyone completely understood. I did secretly hope that I might be able to go closer to the time but it was impossible to leave baby (also involved flights). But most of them were a little older and either have kids or experience of them so were really understanding.

The very fact they are putting on the pressure would make the decision much easier for me. No! If things change you could always then book something once baby is here but without the hassle/worry.

Sorry didn't realise you already had a DC. Fwiw I would not have left either of mine before a year, and then would happily leave one of them but could not do the same with the other - completely different personalities.

I did this at 9 weeks with my first - totally screwed up breastfeeding if I'm honest because he just got too used to bottles and always wanted the bottle over the breast. We limped on until 6 months when he flat out refused to latch again. I'm sure there were other factors but I really regretted going and I'm sure that was the source of our problems. Of course many babies are more easy going but you just never go so if I had to say one way or another now id have to say no. Difficult one!

Sounds like it was just mine who barely noticed I was in the room at that age!

DS started with atrocious separation anxiety at 4 months. He would scream and vomit if I left the room. He also bf round the clock. No way I could have left him.

Thanks everyone. Think I'm just going to say I can't go and go for a meal or something when they are back in the UK. Don't really think I like the idea of leaving such a young baby plus I think my oh would be a nervous wreck by the time I got back.

Absolutely not. Poor baby would miss his mum terribly :(